will this ever stop in my life?

I haven't posted recently much, or visited this page, was really trying hard to accept my situation of 3 boys...but sometimes it just hits me again really deep - i will never have a daughter. My 3rd boy is 7 months old, and another is 2, the older is near 4 years.... am I crazy to think about another? Is this only because i would like another chance for a girl, and then if i got another boy, i would not accept him, i feel guilty, but my wish is deep, stubborn and never ending in spite of all my rational work on myself....I am 35 years old, can your please advise me is it crazy to think about the 4th, and if this may be is a possibility - i know only me knows that - when would you think it is reasonable to have my 4th child, in order not to put myself through too stessing time, which as you can imagine, is already now with 3 of the boys so close...but i am afraid if i wait for example another 4 years, i will already loose my biological ability to have last child....please suggest me or tell me your experience how to get through this...i really try hard, but GD doesnt go away........thanks...

Dear Littlebee3 I'm pretty new to this site having just discovered it and posted my 13 week scan images of twins for guesses. I don't feel very qualified to answer your questions but am offering my thoughts. I have 3 boys, much more spread out than yours - 11, 8 and 4.5. At the age of 39 I assumed we'd completed our family and that was that. But we moved to France a few years ago and having a 'final' child became a possible option with more space, different work patterns etc. and we decided to give it a go. I rather half-heartedly tried to influence the 'girl' aspect but probably didn't understand all the ways to do this so just did the more basic things which seemed possible! Then I found myself pregnant, and later found out with twins. Double chance of a girl?! Or a 5 a side football team of boys?! I've found, at just 14 weeks, that other people are more obsessed as to what I'm having than I am. It seems to be the first question followed by the 'oh, imagine 5 boys'. Perhaps the bonus of twins is that they're just a little more out of the ordinary so if I have 2 more boys, they'll always be 'twins' and something a bit different. So when I posted my pics (and learnt all this 'nub' terminology) and the verdict so far was that they were both girly pics, I'd be lying if I didn't say I wasn't excited/intrigued. HOWEVER, they could be boys! And I think that this just brings me to emphasise that I fully understood the chances were big that I'd have another boy when I fell pregnant, and that I was OK with this. If I wasn't going to be OK, I probably would have thought longer about it. Time wasn't really on my side so we went for it. Although I have a good relationship with my mum, I also look at my husband who has a great relationship with his mum and speaks to her far more than I do with my mum. Mums and boys, as they grow up, have a really strong bond. Yes, I fully understand about your mother-daughter dream but sometimes my girlfriends remind me how tricky their daughters are! I don't mean to belittle any of what you say because I think I understand it and I have a friend of a friend who suffered tremendous GD which lead to many longer-term issues for her. But if I was you, and I thought I did want to try one last time, I think that I'd take your time, look at all of the advice which people give on here to 'sway' things, chart your dates for a few months to understand your body (this was one thing that I did do) and think of it like this - you are going to give yourself every possible chance possible to conceive a little girl, using all the methods you know. BUT if it doesn't happen and you have a boy, he will be the final jigsaw in your family puzzle and you will be blessed to have 4 children. If you think that you can honestly get to this point, then I would be inclined to have a go so that you at least try and put your mind at rest. Obviously 4 children is a lot of work and yours are quite young, but if you are at this stage of nappies and sleep training etc now then you are pretty used to it! You sound a good mum to be so honest about your dilemna and are obviously keen to not make rash decisions. Be proud to have your 3 boys, and possibly 4 boys one day. And who knows, maybe one day a mum of a girl too. I haven't read any of your other postings so if I've missed the point of your message I'm sorry, I was just browsing on here and saw your posting and decided to respond. Best wishes.

 I had to respond, because your situation sounds exactly like mine, except we have opposite genders from each other!

I am also 35 years old, with 3 of the same gender. Amazingly they are born in the same years as yours! So I also have a 4 year old, 20 month old and 5 week old.  I haven't even started back to work yet, but having 3 very young kids is already very stressful and busy.  I have asked myself the same questions as you.  If I were to try again for my dreamed for boy, how long would I wait? The concern for my eggs aging, and my age make me think that if I wanted a 4th, I should not wait too long.. maybe 2 years.  However that would mean I would have a 6 year old, 3 1/2 year old, 2 year old and a newborn! I don't know that I can handle that.  So many times I have lamented not starting to have kids earlier in life.. then I would feel better about trying for a 4th.  However, I bet the 4th would be a girl anyway.. which I actually would be ok with I think.  I really don't think I can handle 4 kids that young and work.. so I am slowly coming to the realization that maybe I should give up on my dream of a son, and move on, happy with the 3 healthy girls I do have. Also my family is not supportive of 4 kids.. and DH doesn't want 4 either.. lol.  Also I could not forgive myself if I had a baby with disabilities because my eggs were too old, and then put the 3 kids I have at a disadvantage.

 

sweetie i have 5 daughters and just 6 weeks ago gave birth to my son. i was thrilled i finally got a boy. it took me 10 years of swaying and alot of tears to get him but he's here... wanna know something? he wasn't a magic pill. i love him but not more then i love my girls. wanna know who cared it was a boy?... nobody. it didn't make me a better mom or make my husband love me more. it just gave me a 6th child to take care of. a baby is a baby its just i can dress this one in blue. but he still cries, i still have to buy diapers, i still have to wake up at 1am... ok and again at 3am... and 5am. ok whatever i don't sleep anymore. but the point is unless you want a baby, don't have one. girls don't come out with pink glitter raining on you.

For the op having a girl for her possible 4th child matters to her. No one else may care but SHE does. Being able to finally dress a baby girl in pink is such a simple, joyous thing for some. Being able to finally shop on the other side of the store is indescribable happiness for some of these ladies. Minimizing the op's feelings is not helpful. I find it interesting how once some posters do in fact get their dg try to make it sound like it is no big deal at all. I for one was forever changed when I learned I was having a girl, and in my head confetti was raining from the sky. To the op, I hope if you do try for a 4th you end up having your much longed for baby girl.

umm wow... ok well you have to realise that unless you go ht you could also end up with 5,6 heck 7 boys. yes she could have a girl and yes i hope she does, but the fact remains a baby is also a baby. if she wants a baby then i wish her luck and a happy 9 months but if she's having a baby just to try to have a girl then im scared she might be headed for disappointment and heartache. if you are happy with 4 boys then yes go for it and pray for a girl. but yes i hope she does get a girl, but i know hoping and praying sometimes don't work for everyone.

Hi really wanted to offer an opinion! I think all the above advice is true,relevant and written with good intent .As you already said,only you know if another is feasible,however,I had my last baby(an oops)!! at 38,my daughter was 10 months old!! I have had 4 csect,and although it is crazy hard work,youngest 2 are only 19 months apart ( this is the hardest bit ),it is ,and will be forever worth it.If having another boy is out of the question,ht really is your only realistic choice ,but I would say,don't give up on this dream whichever way you choose.I think you have 4 years grace here maybe ( not knowing your medical history!) good luck!! Xx

All I can say is I'm really really glad I tried for a forth when I did. My mom had me when she was 40, so don't worry about your age too much. My 3 sons love their sister so much, my eldest (7) is now asking for 2 more sisters! Don't have regrets, even if you do have another son, it's another beautiful soul added to your family!

the way it can be best described for me is this: you are getting on an airplane to go on a 9 month vacation....it's either headed for Europe (how wonderful!) OR the plane is headed for the Middle East....where ever you land you're staying there but you have no way of knowing which place you're headed to. you either get on that plane fully prepared to go in either direction, even though you're dying to spend time in Paris, and are okay with that 50/50 risk because you will make the best out of the middle east and you'll explore the whole region OR you know Iran is not somewhere you are willing to travel and would not get off the plane if you landed. I personally couldn't take the trip (im Jewish so they'd kill me in Iran!!) if I weren't willing to accept either destination with total peace.

i just found im oops preganant with either our 4th son or our 1st daughter...at first i thought i cannot do this again if its another boy, i'm 42. all my children are 6 years apart, perfectly planned so each gets an only child perspective & as if i did plan it, this baby will be 6 years apart from my now youngest. something about being a mommy just kicks in, IF you are in a healthy state of mind (if not don't risk it) and a calm comes over you and you say "ya i can do this, i can totally & completely fall madly in love with another _____ again"  and you do, and you always will even if you had 10 of the same gender. G-d gave us all this ability to make our hearts grow to infinite depths. it always surprises me :)

i wasn't going to respond on here anymore but fourth and final that was beautiful. hun im so proud of you. you have made some big strides in the last week or so. i think on the other forum you were shocked and scared and i get that but really to go from scared to content in a week is just amazing. it took me alot longer. yes i was having my desired gender but the thought of 6 kids was freaking me out a bit. not enough mom to go around ya know. im managing, its hard at times  but its been a slow process for me. again im so happy for you!

From my heart to yours, thank you! I think what has made this so much easier for me is my children are spaced 6 years apart I did that bc I knew I could not be the very best parent if I had them close in age so there is little chaos in our home . My baby is 5 he begins kindergarten August 20th so I have not held a baby in years. This yearning to now snuggle and breatfeed an infant OVERRIDES my wish for a girl over a boy. If my little one was 2 this would likely cause GD, but the greatest way to overcome last baby to leave the house and begin school is to have another baby inside of you! Where is the forum for empty nest disappointment because I will surely need to join that when I'm in my late 40's and this baby starts school!!! I could easily be a grandmother then oh my gosh!!! I can't breatfeed that baby but can sure snuggle it :))))m

prettyinpink18,

 

 

littlebee3:

I haven't posted recently much, or visited this page, was really trying hard to accept my situation of 3 boys...but sometimes it just hits me again really deep - i will never have a daughter. My 3rd boy is 7 months old, and another is 2, the older is near 4 years.... am I crazy to think about another? Is this only because i would like another chance for a girl, and then if i got another boy, i would not accept him, i feel guilty, but my wish is deep, stubborn and never ending in spite of all my rational work on myself....I am 35 years old, can your please advise me is it crazy to think about the 4th, and if this may be is a possibility - i know only me knows that - when would you think it is reasonable to have my 4th child, in order not to put myself through too stessing time, which as you can imagine, is already now with 3 of the boys so close...but i am afraid if i wait for example another 4 years, i will already loose my biological ability to have last child....please suggest me or tell me your experience how to get through this...i really try hard, but GD doesnt go away........thanks...

 

Only go for a 4th if you would be okay with another boy. Personally I am so glad I tried again and got my 4th son. He has been the greatest joy of my life. I like to say to people contemplating another...if the worst thing that can happen is you get another beautiful boy, well what is so bad about that? Of course you really have to get to that place on your own. GL

Halah, that was so well put! The worst possible outcome is a beautiful baby, that is all we should embrace. It's more hard for others and that sucks! For me if this baby is my 4th son then it's the same colors I have to buy again - so though I wouldn't buy pink I've decided if its a boy he's getting a deep purple car seat and bedding damnit!! There's no way I'm going normal or boring this time around! Just that makes me feel fine really. My 11 year old told me today though he'd love a baby sister he wonders if id be okay giving up being the only girl in the house, maybe he knows me more than I know me?! So if you are the only chick, enjoy being the queen of your kingdom:o)

Hi littlebee3, I know exactly how you feel.... After my ds3 was born, I couldn't get the wish for a fourth child out of my head. Even when he was a day or two old, I still desperately wanted one more, but I knew dh was happy with three. As the months went on, it was all I could think about, I just didn't feel done. It always felt like someone was missing. I also knew that because I already had three boys, the chances of another one were really high. My ob also told me with each boy, it goes up about 10% that you'll probably have another boy. So after my third he said that it was about 80% likely that we would welcome another son. I HAD to be ok with this, otherwise I wouldnt have allowed myself to have another one. So dh and I had numerous discussions over it ( some got a bit heated!) and he agreed to have one more. I felt a bit guilty as I knew he was done, but I didn't want to get to 50 or 60 and really wish we had had one more. After dh agreed I thought if this is our last, I'll give it all I've got with swaying so as I didn't have any regrets from that aspect. So I read everything I could on swaying, and figured out what we would do, then went ahead and started to ttc. We welcomed a baby girl 7 weeks ago. So, I can totally understand where you are coming from. If it were me, I would go for it, as I wouldn't want to have any regrets. But, ONLY go for it if you are truly ok with the possibility of a fourth beautiful boy! Good luck with any decision you make....x