"you" can complain, but someone else is not allowed to?

Isn't it strange that when someone here get's the opposite of her desired gender she can "complain" (sorry lack of better words!) about how dissapointed she is and how much she wanted a boy/girl. yet.... when others ask her things like "guess you want a girl/boy this time" or stuff like that, they are not allowed to and are bitches all of the sudden!

It's one thing to express your own feelings - and quite another to have someone else assume what they might be. So yes, the person experiencing the pain can "complain" - but it's not cool for someone else to complain on their behalf. It would be like someone sitting beside a person ill and in the hospital talking about how AWFUL it must feel to be in SUCH TERRIBLE PAIN. Not helpful, not necessary, not their place to comment. And, this IS a forum called "Gender Disappointment" afer all...

its the one thing i cannot get my head around(dont know who you refering too) but its such an odd situ? how peoples genuine questions are taken to be so rude? my friend just had her 5th boy and it was the topic of conversation,will she get a girl! it was natural and well meant,and she was the one to strike it up! not everyone wants everyone to feel awful,bad ,jealous x

 I think people feel they hide it quite well and when they are pulled on it the defenses go up!

 

kimberj103:

It would be like someone sitting beside a person ill and in the hospital talking about how AWFUL it must feel to be in SUCH TERRIBLE PAIN. Not helpful, not necessary, not their place to comment. And, this IS a forum called "Gender Disappointment" afer all...

 

 I can't believe you just compared having a child to being ill in the hospital. Most people make comments to pregnant women assuming they are just happy being pregnant.  I am sorry, but I'm a little bit sick of people here.  GD is one thing and every one feels a little bit of it and should not feel ashamed as it is natural.  I have stated before and I will say it again.  I think some people are taking GD too far and I hope your children, that you are so disappointed in, never find out how you really feel about them.  I have a friend whose Father only wanted a son and that poor girl was put through hell as he was very honest with her.  She is still in theropy to this day at age 30 something. I can't imagine how I would have felt if my mother was disappointed in me because I was a boy.  

 

ProudPapa:

kimberj103:

It would be like someone sitting beside a person ill and in the hospital talking about how AWFUL it must feel to be in SUCH TERRIBLE PAIN. Not helpful, not necessary, not their place to comment. And, this IS a forum called "Gender Disappointment" afer all...

 

 I can't believe you just compared having a child to being ill in the hospital. Most people make comments to pregnant women assuming they are just happy being pregnant.  I am sorry, but I'm a little bit sick of people here.  GD is one thing and every one feels a little bit of it and should not feel ashamed as it is natural.  I have stated before and I will say it again.  I think some people are taking GD too far and I hope your children, that you are so disappointed in, never find out how you really feel about them.  I have a friend whose Father only wanted a son and that poor girl was put through hell as he was very honest with her.  She is still in theropy to this day at age 30 something. I can't imagine how I would have felt if my mother was disappointed in me because I was a boy.  

 

 

 

I just want to  take a moment to defend these ladies on the GD board & say that most of the people here do not actually have GD, they have a desire for a specific gender that is unrelated to their current children.  If you read most of the comments from people who have 4 or 5 boys or 4 or 5 girls, they all say: 

You will love your little one, You will fall in love and it won't matter anymore.  

 

The pain comes from the thought:

I will NEVER have the son or daughter I long for.

 

I think we can all empathize with that to a degree.  In life, there are so many instances of not getting what we want and sometimes it is a big deal and it can be very hard to overcome the sadness of mourning something you so deeply wanted.

 

I am happy to say that I no longer even desire one gender over the other even though I have two boys.  I would literally be just as happy with #3 being a boy as I would be if #3 was a girl.  However, not everyone is that lucky.  I have made it to a place where I know I will happy with all boys or two boys and a girl both now when they are little and in the future when they are grown.  Some of the ladies here are truly mourning the son or daughter they feel they will never have, but you can tell from the comments they make that they LOVE their children dearly!   If you wonder how much these women love their chidren, make one negative comment about 'rowdy boys' or 'drama queen girls' and watch what happens ~ these mamma bears will defend their babies to the end!

 

To the OP: I do think it's okay for someone to complain about their own situation, but not okay for someone else to complain for someone going through a difficulty.  It is just not okay to make assumptions about people and say it out loud.  Rude & tacky, if you ask me.

 

islandmeadow:

 To the OP: I do think it's okay for someone to complain about their own situation, but not okay for someone else to complain for someone going through a difficulty.  It is just not okay to make assumptions about people and say it out loud.  Rude & tacky, if you ask me.

 

 

 

 

 I understand, to a point, what people are saying here, but I also believe that when I see a pregnant woman, my first instinct tells me that she is not going through a difficult time like being ill in a hospital.  I think that most people, including myself assume pregnant women are overjoyed with the fact that they are pregnant.  That was my point earlier.  I do not think we as the public would ever talk to a pregnant woman like she was lame or ill or even dying.  So I guess my point is, if you do have an issue, it is totally ok, but just politely tell them you have an issue.  It's not their fault for discussing your pregnancy as most people are more than happy to discuss it. 

That's all I meant before, sorry if I offended anyone,  I just believe that 99% of the population see joy in pregnancy and should not be blamed for wanting to talk about it.  

Havebluwantp1nktoo:

islandmeadow:

 To the OP: I do think it's okay for someone to complain about their own situation, but not okay for someone else to complain for someone going through a difficulty.  It is just not okay to make assumptions about people and say it out loud.  Rude & tacky, if you ask me.

 

 

 

 

Yes another thumbs up from me! Actually no, it's not instinct that people congratulate any pregnant woman on her pregnancy. I have been told multiple times by complete strangers how "devastating" it will be if I have yet again another boy and just how they hope that doesn't happen...that is literally the first thing people say to me. You wouldn't go up to some one struggling to conceive and say the same thing. But yes, when other people say it, it is rude and insensitive a bit like telling yourself you need to lose a few pounds is one thing but a friend or a stranger saying it is not on!

ProudPapa:

 I understand, to a point, what people are saying here, but I also believe that when I see a pregnant woman, my first instinct tells me that she is not going through a difficult time like being ill in a hospital.  I think that most people, including myself assume pregnant women are overjoyed with the fact that they are pregnant.  That was my point earlier.  I do not think we as the public would ever talk to a pregnant woman like she was lame or ill or even dying.  So I guess my point is, if you do have an issue, it is totally ok, but just politely tell them you have an issue.  It's not their fault for discussing your pregnancy as most people are more than happy to discuss it. 

That's all I meant before, sorry if I offended anyone,  I just believe that 99% of the population see joy in pregnancy and should not be blamed for wanting to talk about it.  

 

 

I get what you're saying.  I am a very happy pregnant person and I think  most of us are! If the public just looked at us and assumed we were happy, said congrats, and went on their way, many of us wouldn't be here to be completely honest. 

And to the individuals who discuss or have discussed my pregnancies with the same joy I feel about being pregnant, I say talk away & yeah, you can even touch my belly if you really want to (but only for a second).  

But the problem is, the public DOES make rude & hurtful comments such as:

Oh, ANOTHER boy!!!  I am soooo sorry!  

Oh, poor Dad, guess you won't be giving him a son after all!  

UGH, I could NEVER live with a house full of boys/girls!  That would be awful!  I would have just stopped at 2 if I were you!

WHY are having a 3rd??? Isn't that a little much?  Oh, you must want a daugher/ son... Well I hope you get it this time around!  I would hate to see you have to go for a 4th!!!  

Even a simple comment like: "Still trying for that girl/boy, huh" made in front of your children by someone who doesn't even know you is just rude!!!  I can handle comments like that if my boys aren't with me, but if they are what does that say to my sons?  It says, you aren't good enough!  Yes, I can do damage control, but still that stranger who could have just left us alone, just had to open his or her mouth and plant that seed in my child's head.  That is just unacceptable in my book!  Sometimes people  just don't think before they speak and to those people I say, please just don't talk!!!  

 

I know if you've never experienced it, it seems like that sort of thing wouldn't happen, but sadly it does.  Many posts are made on this very board about comments like this made by strangers and even friends and family members!  

 

p.s. You didn't offend me!  We're all here to share opinions!  

I just didn't want you to think that the majority of us here are unhappy with our children, the truth couldn't be further from that 

 

 

As per, IslandMeadow summed it up beautifully for me. I think also where the issue comes in, is when the comments are constant. If people are continually making comments, eventually no matter how innocent they are, they're going to feel like a rude comment or an insult. It's tiresome. They were so bad when I was pregnant with no.2 that this time we are considering not announcing our pregnancy because we can't face the barrage of "Oh you must really want a boy" or the assumptions we're only having a 3rd to get a boy (we're not, we want 4 no matter what!). I think if you do have GD, the comments of others compound that, thus making the sufferer need a safe place to vent (i.e here), they would probably post things here they wouldn't say in real life, so although to you they are complaining, generally they aren't, they are voicing their feelings where they feel safe to do so.

 Ya fair enough I do understand, but for the record, we are having a girl and I live in Taiwan, which is a republic of China and we all know how Chinese people feel about boys. So yes, I have heard every comment in the book about having a girl.  We've heard comments I'm sure most of you would gasp at.  To put it in perspective, many doctors do not give out the sex of the baby until after a certain point, in fear of aborting girls.  I do understand that some comments can be hurtful and that is fair enough.  I also understand that even the happiest expecting mothers (and fathers) can feel offended by some of these ridiculous comments, so after all is said and done, I guess I do agree with you, hahahahahaha!

I think it depends on how people are asking and their reactions.  Some you can tell are just genuinely asking if you would like a boy or girl next.  And I don't take offence to that because it gives me a chance to tell that person why I do want a boy or why I'm happy with another girl, etc.  But if the person assume it must sucks to be me if I don't get a boy next, then yes, that is rude.  I have someone asked if we would try for a boy next, I told her no, we are happy with 3 kids and she said, your girls are beautiful!  And she has two boys and went and told me how she would have loved having a girl.  Then I also had a rude person asked if I wanted a boy next and I told her the same thing that I am happy with 3 kids and we are done and complete, she then went on to say, AWWW...that's too bad, blah blah blah, so yeah, I didn't talk to that person anymore because I feel that no matter what I say, she already assume my life must be not happy enough to her.

 People made a lot of good points here.  I hate when people make assumptions.  I always wanted three children even before I knew any of their genders.  Now that I'm trying for a third, I feel people are going to think I'm doing it just to try for a girl, when in reality, even if I already had a boy and a girl I'd still be trying for a third.

It would be nice to not be judged about GD. I thought this was a safe place to express. People are taking gender dissapointment to far? ..This is a gender disappointment sub-fourm.