I felt very guilty and sad today emotionally broke

Hi ladies i just fell like sharing this with you's

During this pregnancy am kind of trying to lock my self at home i dont like to talk about this pregnancy at all even to my husband when he asks me how am felling i just say am fine, all our family friends they always tells me we wish you have your baby boy they are very nice people all of them have boys and girls so they always tells me they ask god to give me a boy to complete my family i know they mean it in a nice way but i always tend to get angry when they say it.

Today i went to visit my mum and my SIL were there as well, mum asked me about how am felling and why am always home than she said she been felling like am living in adepression because of my pregnancy and i got really angry i started to cry i dont know why and she felt really bad about me and they were just trying to say i shoudnt keep my self away from every one even if i have a third girl its not the end of the world and i felt really bad i dont know i said that but i told her ( i wished i never got pregnant am just not ready to have my thir child and i wish i could miscarrge this pregnancy ) after i said these world i felt like a mountain fall on my head i didnt know how could i say that in my heart i love this baby and am waiting for it and am trying my best to never think its aboy even thou all my symtoms given me 50% chanc eit might be aboy i just want and trying to move the thought of this baby might be aboy i dont ven say that infront of my husband i just tell every one i fell its 100% girl ,i went back home i started crying for so long i love this baby and i know i will provide 100% care and love for it i always wished for a boy but with this pregnancy i just want to prepare my self for athird girl even when i go shopping i never look at the boy section i always go to the pink section and i look at the blue side with aching heart am almost 12 weeks now and all i want is to have this baby with full health am worried i might have this baby and there is something wrong with it because of what i said today am felling to broken

I honestly think the pregnancy is going to be far harder than reality and life with 3 of the same. I feel similar to you about not wanting people to comment on the pregnancy, I know everyone thinks... Oooh bet you hope you're having a girl, I know it's their first thought, I know they think the only reason I'm pg is because I want a girl & oh corse they are right and T's all I think about but quite frankly am fed up of discussing it with everyone that feels its ok to talk about. I just want to get to 9 months and be done. Once the baby is here I know everyone will think he is adorable if he is a he and the cache isn't a she won't matter. Then I feel sad as this is the last ever time I will ever be pregnant, the last time I will be lucky enough to have this miracle of being pregnant, getting pregnant so easily - the last time & I'm wishing it away. Like you I love this baby regardless but I'm just finding the whole journey stressful... You're not alone xx