I've recently come across many adoption blogs w/more than one child already at home; usually one of each sex, with the family now in the process of adopting...a DD.  It's ALWAYS another DD, even if they already have one at home, and even though there are more boys available (except in China) for adoption than girls.

Does anyone know why this is?  I know most of us on here want to adopt a DD because...well, because we don't have one yet, LOL!  But I wonder why those that have one of each would prefer a another girl over another boy?

u know it kind of annoys me too.  i mean in the agency group that i was planning to use for Vietnam, there is a woman that already has *4* DD's and i think they're ALL adopted or maybe like 1 bio, and she wants to adopt a *5th* girl!!!  i think that is kinda sad!!

plain & simple, Westerners are OBSESSED with little girls and that's just the truth!!   and i have to admit, in the back of my mind i think what if i could adopt my DD a sister 1 day???  but realistically, it's NOT gonna happen because there is NO WAY we could ever be able to adopt again!!!   but if i could, i think i might like to!!  but of course i already have 2 boys so...  that being said, there ARE a lot of families that adopt boys but it is overwhelmingly girls.  in the orphanages around the world, they say there are always way more boys present than girls which is pretty sad   i've even thought of the possibility of 1 day, when my kids are much older going back for a BOY just to help out a sweet orphan boy....  because boys need homes too!!  but again, realistically i don't think we'll ever be able to afford to adopt again, as we can BARELY afford to adopt this time but i guess you never know what the future holds...

i do wish for families with predominantly daughters already in the home, that they would consider adding a son to their family...  i have also seen families with say 2 girls request "either" for their adopted child, and really they are usually hoping for a girl but trying to act like they're ok either way...  it's really rare it seems when someone is actually requesting BOY!!

I have noticed this too - especially for first time adoptive parents. Sometimes I think that if I adopted a second time I would like a sister for my DD, but then I was the only girl in my family and loved it, so I wonder would I really worry if I had only one DD and then adopt a DS? Probably not. It would be interesting to see why the preference is for girls? And what the statistics are.

 I like what a lot of programs are doing now - they're saying if you already have a DD in the home, you cannot specify that you want to adopt a girl. I really think that's the best situation for everyone - that way, the countries aren't pressured to provide more girls through illegal methods (like VN seems to be doing) because of low supply for a very great demand.

Maybe it's because in most countries girls are treated poorly and families are trying to "save" them...give them a better life...kwim??

 Great point! I didn't think of that.

I wonder how much of it has to do with fear over bonding issues...when we were looking into adoption before I got pg with this baby, our families were very concerned that we would end up with some kind of psychopathic child.  My mom (she has been a teacher for over 40 years and has her master's degree in counseling) was so opposed to adoption that even gave me a book called, "High Risk - Children Without A Conscience" that was about kids who did not bond properly with caregivers as infants and grew up to display antisocial behavior.  I would imagine that general perception might be that unbonded boys are more dangerous than unbonded girls are???

I will never forget the boy I saw on a Chinese orphanage website - he was maybe 8 or 9 and he had a clubfoot and had been raised in the orphanage his whole life.  I would've loved to bring him home with us!!!  But by the time we could've jumped through all the hoops he would've been nearly grown up already.  I wish they would think of the children ahead of national pride and politics and streamline the process.

kristindoggirl:

I wish they would think of the children ahead of national pride and politics and streamline the process.

Amen sister!!!

that's *exactly* what's going on right now between the U.S. & Vietnam!!!

kristindoggirl:

I would imagine that general perception might be that unbonded boys are more dangerous than unbonded girls are???

You may be on to something.  I asked one of the adoption agency gals about the preference for girls over boys.  I even asked if she thought it was because women drive the adoption and women want girls.  She said that as men/husbands are just as in favor of a girl.  She felt that it was because the adopting family felt if would be easier to raise a girl.  I was shocked.  I want a girl but I don't think that a girl will be easier to raise. I am ready for the crazy teen age years of a girl. I am sure my boys will be a lot easier then a daughter will be.  But anyways that was her call on it. 

somedaypink:

 I like what a lot of programs are doing now - they're saying if you already have a DD in the home, you cannot specify that you want to adopt a girl. I really think that's the best situation for everyone - that way, the countries aren't pressured to provide more girls through illegal methods (like VN seems to be doing) because of low supply for a very great demand.

I'm glad they're doing that.  Some people just want the chance to experience both genders. 

But why don't more people adopt boys?  I think perhaps for men, maybe they want to pass their name onto their bloodline males, and an adopted son would not be the bloodline.  Is that the reason why more men don't advocate for adopting boys?  I think men would tend to want their own bio son but a daughter if adopting.  Am I off track here?

I am from Australia, and I believe in some states here you are not allowed to express a preference! One woman who has posted on in-gender was rejected as an adoptive parent becuase whe already has 4 boys--so unfair.

We just finished our home study. The social worker spent quite some time trying to understand WHY we want a daughter,,  she said she thought it was an unusual request!  Anyhow, she said she WILL recommend us to the committee, thank goodness.

It seems to me that it is quite different adopting in USA than many other countries.

That being said I agree that there seems to be a general preference for girls in our current society, such a pity.

Some people have laughed when I tell them we are expecting our third boy. One women said last week "Do you know what the most common cause of having three sons is?" "Having two sons".  Then she laughed. This was in a crowded lift at my work. I thought she was rude.

I look at the pictures of little boys adopted in China and think they are adorable too. If I had no children or all girls I would certainly want one.

 

sarita

 

 

 

I am a mother of 1 girl and 4 boys. I would love to adopt a girl. I would love to give my dd a sister and my boys a little sister. When I look at photos of little boys for adoption they pull on my heartstrings just as much as little girls. If I could adopt them all I would. I came from a familt of all girls. My dream family was to have 3 girls just like my mom, but god had other plans for me and I am so happy he gave me what he did. I would not change it for anything. But I still have that desire to have another girl in my family.

 

Tonia

At our agency, you are allowed to put in a gender request if you have one gender in your home and are requesting the opposite gender.  We have requested a girl since we already have a son.  Both my husband and I want to add a daughter to our family and we feel that if they allow a gender request, we will take them up on it for this adoption.  I like the way my agency does it and I feel that it makes it fair for everyone.  It does make me wonder when I see gender requests for families who already have both genders in their home or for people who want all of one gender or for couples who are adopting their first child.  I guess in the end, everyone has their own reasons for their preferences though.  I think that our reason is a very valid one, wanting to raise both genders, but other people probably feel just as passionately about their reasons as well. 

When we made our gender request, we knew that our wait for a child would be significantly longer because we requested a female.  Our wait will most likely be around 18 months as opposed to a 6 month average wait for a boy.  I think that is pretty common for most countries.  I know that was the case for the other countries we looked into before we decided on Korea.  

 

I just visited a couple orphanages and in every one, in every age section, the ratio of boys to girls was like 15:3, seriously, sooo many more boys!!! I sure don't understand why!

I'm not sure why, but I did remember hearing or reading somewhere that men find it easier, or more acceptable to raise another mans dd, but not his son ( in Russia). If I had the time and energy, I would have loved to adopted a boy myself. There are SO many cute boys . When we were at the US embassy in Russia, we met a couple that had just adopted a baby boy and he was the cuttiest little thing :).