What should I do?

So, we were at my Mother's house for Easter and my BIL ( pregnant with their first, it's a girl. One and only in the family) is joking around with her about getting old and my mom says back joking, "That's it, you are no longer my favorite SonIL. Garth (my dh) , can have 10 more boys and you will still be off my favorites list."  WTF!!! I know she was just joking around, but there is always a little truth in sarcasm (sp?) right? This really hurt my fellings, I didn't realize she cared so much about me not giving her any grandaughters- not that I have had a choice in the matter.

Also, I made the biggest mistake a few weeks ago when I told her I was pregnant. I invited her to my u/s tomorrow!!! For Easter, she gave me a Hello Kitty basket filled with baby girl stuff. When I told her there was a BIG chance this baby is a boy, she just shook her head and said she believes it is a girl and nothing would change that. I also heard her joking around with realitives saying "If it is a boy she knows of a good plastic surgeon that could fix that little problem." ?????My mother should not be aloud to have any alcohol at these holiday gatherings! So now I feel a lot of pressure that this baby is a girl. And not only do I have to deal with my own dissapointment on that u/s table(if it's a boy), but I will have to deal with hers at the same time. I would like to uninvite her to the u/s but that would never fly(way to much drama and even more stress for me).

Does anyone have any suggestions? Sorry this post is sooo long, I really needed to get this off my chest and can't really talk to my dh, I didn't want to hurt his feelings with the SonIL comment.

I was just coming on here to start a similar thread.  We are pg with #3 and already have 2 girls.  My MIL has made so many comments already.  Before we even had kids she talked about how we had to have a boy because my hubby is the last male in the family and of course it will be our fault if the family name 'dies'.  When we called to tell her that we were pg this time, we called on speaker phone and let our 4 and 6 year old tell her.  Her first comment was "well I hope you didn't screw it up again this time, this one better be a boy!"  I hope that my girls were too young to catch the meaning of that.  She has made a few comments along the same lines since then and they just grate on my nerves.  She also called my hubby the day after we told her and requested that if it is a boy, we name him after her family.  Hellooo, I am 5 weeks along let's worry about getting through the first trimester and then you can start pressuring us on names.

Also, when we found out that #2 was another girl she said that she just didn't understand the problem.  With her first she wanted a boy and that's what she got.  With her second, she wanted a girl and that's what she got.  I didn't say anything, but I felt like saying "Well, gee whiz is that all I needed to do!  I didn't realize it was that easy to choose the sex of the baby, I'll have to try that next time!"

 

Sorry, no advice.  Just letting you know that I feel your pain...

I don't know your mom of course, but maybe there's another way to look at her comments.  Perhaps she is just trying to tell you that she knows you hope for a girl, and knows you will be disappointed if it is not, and she feels the same way. Maybe she is hoping for you, not pressuring you.  You cannot control your baby's gender, so she can't be disappointed in you, but she might be disappointed with you.

With my 2nd son, I knew I was disappointed, and I knew my mom was disappointed, but we both acted like nothing was wrong and everything was hunky dory.  I think it would have been better if we had bawled on each others' shoulders at the u/s, and then moved on!

I hope it's all a moot point on u/s day -- pink dust to you!
~~ Maureen

Thank you Mprince for sharing your situation. I love coming to this board and finding I am not alone and not the only one with a difficult family. It's funny you said your MIL wants you to name the baby boy after her side of the family, my mom has requested we name this baby Kasandra (her name is Sandra) Will they ever quit?! 

Maureen, you do have a point. My mom really only wants the best for me and would give her right arm for me to be able to have a girl. Sometimes I feel she doesn't know the right way to express her feelings, mix that with a couple glasses of wine and you get some inappropriate comments.

 I have been having lots of deams lately of being at the u/s finding out it's a girl or I am holding my baby girl and my mom is always there crying with me because we are soo happy. I hope these dreams come true.

Dear Jogmama,

I am in a similar situation also.   I am pg w/ #4 and have 3 boys.  Everyone keeps telling me how this is going to be the girl, especially my mom.   Maureen is right in that they do want what we want.  I do think also that my mom desperately wants a grandaughter from me because her only other grandaughter lives far away.  My MIL is constantly making coments about her one and only grandaughter and it always ticks me off.  I think we are all really sensitive, and it does not take much.  I basically do not want my friends or family to talk about the sex of my baby at all, but it is my fault in a way that they do.  I have talked about it too much myself.  I don't think it could hurt to tell your mom that the subject is really sensitive for you, without putting any blame on her.   I told my mother that she needs to be prepared for another boy and that I need to prepare myself.  Good luck, and I hope this is your girl!!

Claire

Jogmama, all I can say is OMG!!Tough situation, stop seeking your mothers approval, you ll probably never really get it even if you did have a girl, although I know your situation and I hope you have a girl for your Joy not your mothers. You d be a wonderful mother to a girl and be good friends and never make comments like that. Your mom does feel your pain however she should express it differently. My mother in law is the same way sometimes but I know really she gives me a harder time cause she loves me best!! Let us know how your u/s goes Good Luck !!!!!!!