Another boy and I'm distraught :-(

I had my 20 week scan yesterday and it's been confirmed that boy number 3 is on the way.  I feel so so sad and have been crying on and off ever since.  I feel like at 38 (almost 39) this is my very last chance of having the little girl I've dreamt of all my life.  My partner is happy about us having a boy together (this is our 1st child together) and he said we could have another anyway....but I don't think my body could take another pregnancy (this will be my 3rd c section)....and if it's another boy I don't know how I would deal with it.

 My partner is so worried about me and doesn't want to leave me alone when he goes to work as I'm so depressed, he said that I maybe should see a doctor.  I feel sorry for him as he's had a tough year and he said me and this new baby are the only good things in his life right now and the thought of this baby is keeping him going.

 I have been thinking that I don't want this baby now and feel like I'm letting every body and myself down with these thoughts and this longing for a girl.  I just don't know what to do to stop these thoughts and feelings [:'(]

Has anyone who is going through this/been through this got any advice on how to deal with this please?

x

hi darlin, im so sorry too hear of the pain you are going through you, i have not been through this but i wanted too send you love and hugs, and hope you feel better soon, im hoping for you after the initial dissapointment has sunk in you will start too feel better, i have 3 boys 18, 16, and, 12, im 40 years old and never ever thought i would have any more children, but hey im here 17 weeks pregnant with my 4th boy confirmed at my 16th week scan, i really thought i wd so want a girl , as years ago i always wanted a daughter but it passsed the sadness and everything my 3 boys look after me and i know they will all be gr8 mates which they are already, i know you say you are having no mote but i said that 12  years ago ha ha i had a tummy tuck and was finished but now im in a new relationship and ready for number 4, and this is definately my last, there are some gr8 ladies on here that will give u loads of advice, and just want you too know that im thinking of you, i hope you atart too feel better soon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sweetheart I know your pain all too well. 

BUT what I know even more is the joy, love, laughter and complete fullfilment that three sons brings.  When you meet, kiss and touch your son in 20 weeks these feelings will disappear and become a distant memory.  Your longing for a DD won't fade but you will reslise that this son is a true gift- he will love, adore and spoil you beyond words.  You will be his princess and you will come to know that he was truly meant to be.

Luv J xoxoxo

What you are feeling is totally understandable.  Don't beat yourself up about it.  I only wanted 2 girls, have had 2 boys and am sure that my current pregnancy will be a boy as well.  It is hard for a while to deal with the loss of the dream of a girl.  You don't need to feel bad about that.  I guarantee you will love this child just as you love you other 3 boys!  It will take time to deal with and you will go through kind of a grieving process.  But go ahead and let yourself feel bad.  It will help you to get it out of your system.  For weeks after I found out my 2nd was a boy, I cried every time I saw pink!  What you are going through is normal and okay so just grieve and then you can move on!  It may take a while, too, so don't worry about feeling like you need to be done with it by a certain point.  Eventually you will be so used to having another baby boy you will not even be able to imagine if he had been a girl!

 Also, this is on another note, but if you want to have another baby, don't go for a c-section!  Find yourself a doc that supports VBAC.  Technically docs aren't supposed to do routine c-sections after previous c-sections anymore unless you have the old style scar.  A lot of them do, though, because they are uninformed about VBACs.  They still buy the old knowledge that said they were dangerous.  Look into the ICAN website.  Having a VBAC this time may save your body for another try!!

I really cant wait to be blessed with a son, i have three beautiful daughters, but iam not gonna lie, i really really want a boy. its so hard for me lately bcuz every pregnant ladie i meet is carrying a boy, and here iam 16 weeks pregnant feelling like its another girl.All you ladies out there with boys, i ENVY you guys (in a good way ) lol !!!!!!!

thanks everyone...I am starting to look at names and baby boys clothes today...so looks like I am starting to "move on" a little with my "grieving" process.

 As fo VBAC I would have loved to do this and attended a VBAC clinic when I was pregant the last time.  Unfortunately my traumatic pregnancy and birth last time (I had major placenta praevia which abrupted and had prem emergency section) my consultant is strongly advising another section and has booked me in for 24/3/09....so depending on how that goes and how I am after that there may be 1 more child in the future...who knows

thanks again for your support on here

cinnabuns, I know you must feel just the same as me - but obviously the other way round as you want a boy!  Fingers crossed you will get him this time round.  When are you having your scan, or are you going to wait until the birth?!

I really dont know hunny, i want to get a scan but fear that i going to hear the news i dont want to hear. What to you think i should do hun?

Hi Crazy Baby. I'm so sorry you didn't hear pink. I remember talking to you on the Gender Prediction site, and comparing symptoms! Both yours and mine were very similar, and completely different to our 'boy' pregnancies, yet I also am having another boy (my second). I too felt so depressed and angry, I felt sure it was my girl, especially after such a different and difficult pregnancy, and everyone was saying it MUST be a girl. I would wake up in the night after my ultrasound confirming boy in a panic, what am I going to do with 2 boys??! I couldn't function, my husband wanted to come near me and I pushed him away, resented him and all his Y sperm! I had no real advice for you as I am travelling along the same journey, all I can say is that I HAVE to come to terms with this, I may not go on to have a 3rd, don't know if I can risk another boy, but also don't know if I will be a good mom to 3 (I can hardly manage myself, lol). I try and see the positives in my life, look how my son will enjoy a brother and put my own needs aside. I don't want to become obsessed with this, I don't want my life to be spent longing for something I don't have and most of all I want to be happy! We don't know how our children will turn out, boy or girl, and in the end they all leave home at some point so we need to enjoy every day that we have with them. I don't know why we have been chosen to be 'boy moms' but I know there must be a reason and I try every day to say I have been given this job and I am going to do my very best at it. Hugs to you and if you need to PM me, please feel free

Cinnabuns - I'd have to say find out at the scan as if you're anything like me!  I just think me finding out now and having the time to "come to terms" with it is much better than finding out at the birth and with all my hormones and exhaustion etc I don't know if I would be able to cope at that stage??  But obviously it's something you'll have to have a think about and decide what's best for you.  Good luck anyway x

Hello again Samstheman,

 

Yes I remember your reply to my post re symptoms.  I've been feeling just like this too and my poor partner must think I hate him and his boy sperms!!  Having 2 boys for me has been great and they are best friends - boys play so well together regardless of age gaps I've found. 

 Yes we must have been given this "job" of bringing up boys for a good reason - so we should really count our blessings and enjoy!!  ha ha easier said than done though

 

Thanks for your message and keep in touch

Hi I felt the same way!. I see our boys are all the same age Im 34 weeks pregnant I can say the "pain" has gone away but I will always long for my daughter and other peoples comments hurt sometimes. ( this is also my last )

But the good news is not long now until I meet my newest DS and I am sure he will bring so much to my life just like your darling son will. Just go with it and let yourself grieve the loss of a dream.

Hugs xxxxx

Awwww (((huge hugs)))

I agree with whats been said and 3 boys is so nice i dont think people realise how actually nice 3 little boys in a row is I got so mnay compliments when out with mine :)

I think finding a name for him and planning life with him in it is the best way to overcome any disapointment dont beat yourself up for feeling that way though its totally normal aslong as you know you will love him and hes not in any harm at all you have every right to grief the DD you thought you may have

I know you said this is your last but you just dont know what the future has in store for you

I know a lady who had 5 sons and was desperate for a DD and she never had one and went through life feeling upset at times but loved her boys anyway her neice fell pregnant at just 15 and wanted to return to school and go to college and things and because her mum worked full time and my friend was home with her 4yr old son her neice asked her to be the baby girls full time nanny whilst she went back to school and college of course my friend jumped at the chance and i often see her at the park or various toddler groups with her and shes in her element ok it wasnt actually her baby but having her in her life was the next best thing if you know what i mean :)

Congrats on your healthy baby boy and know that i have friends with all girls desperate for sons :)

XXXXX

ladies,  when u disappointed, think about women who cant have them babies and will give everything to  swap  with u! be   strong, if ucan sway and  god bess  u again!

I am so so sorry. I understand how you feel. My scan with DS2 was the worst experience ever, I was devastated. I love my little boy more than life itself and am over the moon he is a cute little boy. My boys have a beautiful relationship and I honestly would not change that NOW. At the time, I would have done, in a heartbeat. The longing for my does not go away and I know that I will never be complete until she is here but having my little boy is a ray of sunshine. That probably seems worlds away to you right now, it did to me. I had no advice on how to stop the longing for a as I still and always will but I can promise that your will be such a blessing, you will look at him and think how empty your life would be without him, as I do with my ds, on a daily basis.