do you ever get tired when young women who are not yet mothers...

tell you their ideal family make-up in front of you and your kids? So I have three girls, and recently two different young women made a point of telling me over dinner:

"I want three children. Two boys first, and then a girl."

"I want five kids. A boy first, so he can protect the others, then two girls so they can be friends, then twin boys because little boys are just so cute!"

Am I the only one who thinks its insensitive for them to talk about their dream family and act like they'd never want mine? Because their words were accompanied with smug looks like 'I'd never choose to have your family.' How come those of us who've delt with GD get humbled by it, while people who got what they want or haven't yet had kids get to act so smug?

Or am I just oversensitive?

You dont always get what you want and they might fall into that reality. KARMA maybe

Alli:

tell you their ideal family make-up in front of you and your kids? So I have three girls, and recently two different young women made a point of telling me over dinner:

"I want three children. Two boys first, and then a girl."

"I want five kids. A boy first, so he can protect the others, then two girls so they can be friends, then twin boys because little boys are just so cute!"

Am I the only one who thinks its insensitive for them to talk about their dream family and act like they'd never want mine? Because their words were accompanied with smug looks like 'I'd never choose to have your family.' How come those of us who've delt with GD get humbled by it, while people who got what they want or haven't yet had kids get to act so smug?

Or am I just oversensitive?

Maybe just a tad oversensitive...

I think it's natural for young girls to wax on and on about themselves and their lives, dreams etc. and I wouldn't take it too personally.  However, if they really are saying it as a blatant slam against your family makeup -- as in: omg, like I'd never want 3____, I want bgbg blah blah instead then YES that is insensitive and you may need to school them up a bit....

But I don't think it feels good when someone of any age does that kinda crap...but the older ones (should) know better!

Shixa !(how do you quote someone? I am not so board-savvy here)

As long as they are not too blatant about your family makeup, their dreams are just something to talk about. But it's a different story if someone who already finished making a family talk like that...like, "I have succeed in making both genders, why couldn't you?" that's really annoying.

Young or old... grandparents can tell you what the 'ideal' make up is too.  The only people I talk about it with are people who I know have a desire for a certain gender, if not dissapointment about the baby's gender.

Catalina:

As long as they are not too blatant about your family makeup, their dreams are just something to talk about.

Yes this.   I don't think think that it was something they meant towards you, but just general convo about their future hopes.  IG has taught me that not everyone wants the same thing, and to be understanding of each person's dream...Its not a reflection of my family. 

Side note: I think 3 girls would have been awesome!

I agree with the others.  Their comments were not personal, about your family.  They rarely are.  It's our own insecurities that make us overly sensitive to others' comments.  As with everything in life, what most people say is... all about them!  lol

GZ

I guess you guys are right, I shouldn't let it bother me. One of these friends said just tonight, as I gave DD3 a piece of candy, 'my children will never eat candy ever. it will never be allowed.' I felt kind of awkward, but then I just realized that's how she is and she's not actually trying to criticize me.

Even so, before I had kids I think I would have had the tact not to tell, for example, a pp mother, that I definitely wanted same sex siblings in my family make-up. I would've kept it to myself.

I can completely relate. When I tell people I am expecting DS #1, I have gotten several looks of pity and "Ohhh, I really hope I have a girl first." Or just "Oh" (silence). Or the worst - "Oh, wow. If I don't have a girl first, I am going to make my mother raise my son. I never want one."

Gee, thanks. People amaze me with their insensitivity.

I have a girlfriend whom I love dearly and when I was preggo with DS#2 and experiencing GD she was planning her wedding. She planned to start ttc on the honeymoon and she told me she wanted 4 kids, 2 boys then 2 girls. I wanted to remind her that we don't always get what we want, but I didn't want to burst her bubble the way mine had been burst. Unfortunately she is having trouble getting preggo (they are now on month 8) so she is realizing it doesn't always work out the way you plan and she will just be thrilled to finally get preggo, I don't think she cares anymore.

Alli:

tell you their ideal family make-up in front of you and your kids? So I have three girls, and recently two different young women made a point of telling me over dinner:

"I want three children. Two boys first, and then a girl."

"I want five kids. A boy first, so he can protect the others, then two girls so they can be friends, then twin boys because little boys are just so cute!"

Am I the only one who thinks its insensitive for them to talk about their dream family and act like they'd never want mine? Because their words were accompanied with smug looks like 'I'd never choose to have your family.' How come those of us who've delt with GD get humbled by it, while people who got what they want or haven't yet had kids get to act so smug?

Or am I just oversensitive?

It is funny to me now, but when I was young, I never even considered that people didn't have what they wanted.  I guess I hadn't spent a great amount of time thinking about it.  I just always assumed that the adults I knew with children had what they would have chosen, it wasn't until after the birth of my ds that it all started to come together and makes sense to me.   

I always knew what I wanted to have.  I spent lots of time thinking about how I was just going to have my "dream family."  Easy as that.  Ha.  lol.  Never occured to me that anyone didn't get what they wanted. 

Teenagers (early 20's) are notorious for thinking only about themselves.  I wouldn't be offended.  I bet it has simply never occured to them that you don't have the perfect family makeup of your dreams. 

Also, I know it doesn't really help... but you do have my dream family.  :o)

Catalina:

!(how do you quote someone? I am not so board-savvy here)

I couldn't figure that out for the life of me either. All you do is hit reply, then highlight the area you want to quote and beneath there is the quote button hit that and it quotes the person but you have to hit reply to their post and not any other person to do it.

To the op, I don't think they were trying to be smug even thought they came off that way. Most people in the world have NO clue what GD is so they probably have no clue you would take it that way or that you would be sensitive about the subject unless of course if they know about your GD. Then yeah that's not right but sorry it got you down.

Alli:

I guess you guys are right, I shouldn't let it bother me. One of these friends said just tonight, as I gave DD3 a piece of candy, 'my children will never eat candy ever. it will never be allowed.' I felt kind of awkward, but then I just realized that's how she is and she's not actually trying to criticize me.

Even so, before I had kids I think I would have had the tact not to tell, for example, a pp mother, that I definitely wanted same sex siblings in my family make-up. I would've kept it to myself.

Oh dear.  I wish I had a dollar for everytime I said that before having children.  I just roll my eyes when I hear people say that kind of stuff, now.  Until you have kids.... you just don't know!  I will never let my children eat fast food or candy.  I will never give my child a bottle.  blah, blah, blah.  Until you have a starving child 10 minutes from a soccer game with nothing for them to eat in the car, you dont know what you will do.  On the upside, I found half the other mothers from the soccer team in McDonalds doing the same thing.  lol. 

Alli:

One of these friends said just tonight, as I gave DD3 a piece of candy, 'my children will never eat candy ever. it will never be allowed.'

You shouldn't feel upset at all.  Especially after your friend continued on with this la la land comment.  Ask her how the "no candy" thing worked out in a few years after she's had her non-perfect family around for a while...  

Grl4Bekah:

Oh dear.  I wish I had a dollar for everytime I said that before having children.  I just roll my eyes when I hear people say that kind of stuff, now.  Until you have kids.... you just don't know!  I will never let my children eat fast food or candy.  I will never give my child a bottle.  blah, blah, blah.  Until you have a starving child 10 minutes from a soccer game with nothing for them to eat in the car, you dont know what you will do.  On the upside, I found half the other mothers from the soccer team in McDonalds doing the same thing.  lol. 

TOTALLY!  I was one of those thought I knew it all moms...ha!  We had a neighbor that was 4.5 and walked around with a MAM pacifier attached with a ribbon matching her clothes every day...at FOUR!! (now THAT is bad) But I swore my baby would NEVER have a paci.  Well FF to my son being home about 2 days and inconsolable and we're digging through baby shower pile where I remembered getting a PINK pacifier with a gift baske -- we were like dogs digging in the trash!  THEN we couldn't find that exact brand again so he used that pink paci for a week or so and everyone went on about how cute SHE was...

Now when I'm around a crying baby or sitting for a friend I'm like "he does take a paci doesn't he??" -- if I ever have another one and they won't take one I don't know WHAT I'll do!!