Help me decide - high-tech or not?

I am so incredibly torn, have been for MONTHS, and a decision has to be made! Please let me put it out there that I'm not judging anyone for any decisions they've made. We each have our own set of morals and "lines in the sand" and I know we're all doing what we think is right for our families...

Love love my boys but always dreamed of a girl. I stare at them everwhere we go. I check the gender make-up of every family I see. I pray for my friends to have boys (and they've all obliged, so far!).

I haven't had any problems bonding with my boys and I enjoy the heck out of them. Frankly I'd be thrilled to have 10 more boys if I just knew there'd be a girl in there somewhere!

But reality is we live in a small house, we live on one income, and three is probably our limit.

I have the chance to go high-tech (I'm supposed to start my lab-work TOMORROW) but I'm so torn. I don't think it's a huge deal, but it just doesn't feel right to me. Like I'm messing with nature, like I'll always feel like I cheated to get my daughter. Like she's not really supposed to be here. But the other side leaves me just as depressed: never having a daughter. I feel like I'm being torn between my morals and my dreams and frankly I don't want to give up either one. My husband just wants another child; he doesn't think high-tech is the "right" thing to do either but not so much that he'll stand in the way. So it's all in my hands.Our other options are to just go for a third the "natural" way, or to start working on adoption - international, probably, so we'll miss out on the sweet newborn and baby days. :-(

What do you guys think? What do you feel? What would you do?

Sarah

TwoSweetGuys:

don't think it's a huge deal, but it just doesn't feel right to me. Like I'm messing with nature, like I'll always feel like I cheated to get my daughter. Like she's not really supposed to be here

I actually felt the same, initially.  But I think you're giving the doc's/science too much credit.  *Nature* (God) will ultimately decide if you're going to have another baby (boy or girl)... (even if you do MS and/or IVF).  I don't feel one ounce of guilt; and she is most definitely suppose to be here.

Wow, I can totally understand how you must feel torn.  I remember sitting  at a restaurant talking to my friend about the exact same thing.  She has 2 boys and really wants that girl. She was scared of the same thing, "messing with nature".  I have to agree with her on that.  I feel like trusting over trying to control the gender, you will be blessed in so many more ways than you can imagine.  Nobody knows why things happen, but I know trusting with your whole heart is going to make you at peace in the end. I can tell that by what you wrote in your post, you really might not be settled if you go the science route. You may always wonder what would of happened, but then again, you might wonder the other way around too.  How upset would you really be if you had a 3rd boy?  I am not one to not mess with nature myself, so I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear.  I say go natural :)  Maybe you can even keep track of your cycle and only try to conceive a couple days before you ovulate.  Just a thought.  I wish you luck and try not to get to stressed over this.  I think adoption is an amazing thing to do too.  Good luck!

XOXO

Honestly, saying a high-tech sort baby is not from God is a bit like saying a woman whose infertile and has a baby via IVF is having a baby not from God. Sometimes we need medical assistance, and we're lucky to live in a time when we can have it. If you want a girl that badly, you'll probably have horrible GD if you try again "naturally" and get another boy. If you can afford high-tech, I'd do it. Why put yourself through the stress and worry of another pregnancy? Definitely a hard decision, but your dd won't be any less special if you "cheat" a little to get her. :)

 I'm planning to go hi-tech. It took a lot of reading in that forum before I felt comfortable with it. I sill waver at times. I will say this though. Before I conceived my son using Clomid, I was against any sort of treatment. A lot of people have to jump through hoops with their OB to get fertility drugs and my OB offered them. I kept saying no. I didn't want to "cheat" and I wanted to conceive my baby without any help. I was being like a stubborn 2 year old who doesn't want mommy and daddy to help him but instead wants to whine about not getting what he wants. That was SO me. Then I had a change of heart and went for it with the Clomid. Worked on the first try. Do I look at my son and think I cheated? NEVER. It has never crossed my mind. I realize taking 5 pills and going through PGD/IVF are extreme differences but ultimately growing a child from a few cells to an 8 pound baby is a miracle in and of itself. So doctors take you through the first 8 cells and you do the next few hundred billion all on your own. It's still a miracle. It's not cheating :)

If 3 is your limit and you *know* you want a girl next (last), I suggest high-tech.  I just did it and it is not actually that difficult!  It's a medical process, but we rely on medicine so much these days anyways.

Ask yourself... which would be worse:  You do IVF, get BFP with a baby girl and then have the experience of raising her (and may or may not continue to have some feelings about "messing with nature") OR you go natural, have a boy, and have to live with gender disappointment/desire for some years or more.

For me, my dream is now coming true and it has so been totally worth it!!

Good luck with whatever you decide.

GZ

I completely understand just be prepared that no matter how you intervene with nature God has a power mightier than ours. I learned  that through 3 IVF PGD Microsort cycle for a son and ended with 1 ectopic and 2 cycles unsuccessful I am pregnant with my fourth girl naturally and we just laugh cause we know who's in control and it's not us. Good luck

bullielover:

I completely understand just be prepared that no matter how you intervene with nature God has a power mightier than ours. I learned  that through 3 IVF PGD Microsort cycle for a son and ended with 1 ectopic and 2 cycles unsuccessful I am pregnant with my fourth girl naturally and we just laugh cause we know who's in control and it's not us. Good luck

Congrats to you! You have a fantastic attitude, and love how you have embraced what God has choosen for you.

I understand, I was there about a year ago.  I have 2 boys and was feeling the same way about a girl.  I wanted boys too, but just one girl in the mix.  I knew 3 was probably my limit though.  I struggled with what to do.  We live in S. California so it wouldn't be too big of a deal travel-wise or anything.  I just didn't know if I was right for messing with all that.  I felt like I was different than people who have IVF  with  fertility problems because I was easily able to concieve.  My husband was kind of so-so about it.  We talked a lot about it and I decided to have another baby naturally.  If it was a girl then we were done, if not I would go high-teh.  This really worked for my husband because he would have a billion kids if I were for it.    I swayed, and 3 ultrasounds say girl (I keep thinking it still might be a boy), but I know if this baby was a boy, I'd go high tech next time.  It's such a tough, personal call!  Good luck with sorting it all out, you will know what is best for you.

I was in the exact same boat as you are. I have 2 wonderful boys and wanted my 3rd and final child to be a girl. I went the natural route. I just thought things would work out and I would get my girl. I probably would have gone high tech but I didn't really know how to begin the process and I was worried about spending the money. I didn't know about this site while I was considering my options. I also get pregnant easily so that wasn't a factor for me. I'm due April 1st and just found out last Friday that I'm having another boy. I love my boys so much but I really wanted a little girl to complete my family. I know I will love this little guy too but right now I'm really going through serious GD. I'm also really mad at myself for not exploring the high tech options. I'm already starting to think about having a 4th child and I really don't think my husband will go for that. Spending the money to get my girl would have been less expensive than having 4 kids! Good luck with your decision.

ctgal:

I'm due April 1st and just found out last Friday that I'm having another boy

I'm also due April 1... with my 4th son, I am sorry you are going through GD right now... so am I.  I just wanted to say hi.  I thought it was interesting to find another April 1 due date!!  I was wondering if you keep getting the "Oh, April Fool's Day... maybe he'll turn out a girl?!"  Grrrr...

good luck!!

Definately, definately go High Tech! x

l thought about going high-tech with DS#3 and DS#4 but never talked seriously about it with DH.  Looking back I WISH we had looked at it as a serious option.  I too struggled with the "taking it out of God's hands."  But recently I had lunch with an IG friend of mine & it dawned on me... while I would be putting incredibly strong wings on my prayers... ultimately the Lord is in control!!  If it is not meant to be He will let you know.  There are times I believe the Lord wants us to make our dreams happen... if you really want it.  (Just got done reading a really good book on unanswered prayers... and it mentioned the Lord having us make our prayers answered... I read it as maybe I need to do PGD or adopt!)

If you and your DH feel comfortable... go for it!!  Good Luck!!

TwoSweetGuys:

Love love my boys but always dreamed of a girl. I stare at them everwhere we go. I check the gender make-up of every family I see. I pray for my friends to have boys (and they've all obliged, so far!).

I haven't had any problems bonding with my boys and I enjoy the heck out of them. Frankly I'd be thrilled to have 10 more boys if I just knew there'd be a girl in there somewhere!

 I decided to take the jump into high tech and I am so glad I did.  If I allowed myself to anaylize one more day, I would not be pregnant today.  I always had a million reasons why we shouldn't go HT from money to the fear of not getting pregnant.  But, not having a DD left me so unsettled and I really felt like a part of my life was missing.  If you can afford it, I would say go for it!  Good luck!