Extreme gender disappointment

pixie97:

I do not have a male in my life who has not been a dissapointment.

I truly believe that you're about the meet the one guy who's going to be the exception of all of that in your life.  You can't compare men or even other little boys to your OWN.  There is nothing like it.  I have 3 mama's boys, and they make me feel like the greatest thing ever.

I'll pray that your mind and heart opens up for this precious little guy.  For now, don't think of the maleness of the baby, just focus on the sweetness of the "baby" in there.

(((HUGS)))

First, I just wanted to say, I understand your feelings. We have dreams and ideals of what we want to happen, the children we want to have. I only wanted girls and I likely only have one more chance to have another baby, so when I hear of women with multiple girls, its stabs at me STILL, even though I have one DD. GD is so complicated and hard! But, I agree that this little baby could very well be the male to change your perception of men. You have the opportunity to shape and raise a strong, loving, man of whom you can be very proud. As for circumcising, just don't do it! It's WAY easier to take care of if you leave them intact, and then you don't have to worry about it. :) Good luck, hon. I hope you find some peace and comfort with your new baby. I had a intense GD with my son before he was born, the guilt and sadness was awful. I, too, never wanted a boy. But now I cannot imagine life without him.

 I've spoke with my OB about my feelings and I am seeking counseling, I am also looking through some adoption papers. So far I am getting more angry rather than less. I have cried now for over 24 hours. I don't know if I have ever felt so awful in my life about anything. I still don't understand it. 

 I am so glad that you have talked to your OB.  I still think it is a bit early to make any major decisions you really need to give yourself time to try and sort your feelings out, its is hard now too because you also have your daughters feelings and emotions to think about.  Be strong you will get throught his.  

 

Maddi

*big hugs* Please give your little boy a chance.

It does get easier ..... Honest! I never wanted a boy and was told at 20 week scan that my ds was a girl. I was crushed when he was born; I couldn't bare to do anything with him. Three years on, and he is my world! He loves his mum to pieces and cuddles me loads. Your son will be the person that you help him to be. You are in my prayers. Take care of yourself x

pixie97:

I am also looking through some adoption papers.

what a great gift you could offer some family!  But what does your dh and your dd'ss think of this, or other family?  I think if you are serious about this you should do family counseling

 hi, I had a little boy after having a girl this year and was devastated, was totally prepared for a girl, wanted a girl...didnt want a boy, looked into adoption etc but in the end i just gritted my teeth and went through it...now he is my lovely little fella, the light of my life. I too have a few issues with the male gender and most things about them as a gender i don't like, waaaay prefer women/girls in just about every aspect...but that by no means equals me treating my own children any differently or loving one more than the other and heres why...this is YOUR little boy. everything you feel and dislike about men won't apply to him because he will be your gorgeous little man, which you've never had before. I know you're hurting but trust me, you will surprise yourself. lots of hugs x

 I am seeking counseling and will consider family counseling once I give myself a week or two to try to overcome it myself. I don't think its healthy for us to wait until the baby is born and see if the feelings go away. I don't know about DH but its DD's I'm more worried about. I'm going to go over this with my counseler first before I approach them of course. It would be a great gift to another family and a great gift to the baby whom I don't feel I can love. To offer him a life of love just like I want for my daughters or any other child on the planet. I don't want him to hurt or feel the resentment from me and I am very worried about that. Everytime I try to think about what it would be like to hold him its total disdain and I hate to feel him kick and I cannot stand saying him period actually it makes me sick everytime. 

I mean overcome it myself as in not approaching the kids with such shocking news, I mean by myself with my doctors, and counselors and DH (really DFiance but I didn't know if thats would be understood)

these feelings aren't something that will be taken care of in weeks.  it will take months and years.  in fact even when/if you give your son up for adoption those feelings will still be there; they may even be stronger.  I'm so happy you are going to counseling.  If this counseler doesn't work then find another.  So many counselers don't understand egd

 I've been worried if the counselor would understand or not as well. I will keep searching. And I am aware that even in adoption the pain will not just go away. Because of so many factors. I just feel it better raised by a mommy who can give it the love I cannot or might not be able to, but I just at this moment in time feel that its really not far just to keep the baby and see because that is going to be even harder on everyones emotions. 

pixie97:

I do not have a male in my life who has not been a dissapointment.

 

 Does it help to look at it like this:  

This is your chance to change the horrible cycle of dissapointing men in your life.  You have the chance to raise him the way he is supposed to be.   Challenge yourself to make him into a man you will be proud of and a husband your future daughter-in-law will thank you for!!

Good luck!!  I know it will get better for you - talking to a counselor will probably help a lot!!

 HUGS!!

I think it is GREAT that you are seeking help now.  I felt like you did when I found out DS was a boy at 20 week u/s.  I was extremely, extremely negative, disappointed, depressed and at times, even disgusted.  I could not believe I was gestating a penis inside my womb.  And he genetically was my own offspring!  But I did not seek help.  Instead, I spent the rest of the pregnancy and his first year being depressed and angry.  My husband really had to bear a lot!

Around the time he turned one, I started to warm up.  And by the time he was three, I loved and adored him entirely.  So it can work out!

I agree with a PP, EGD cannot be resolved in weeks, or often even months.  In my case, it took years.  But has been so worth it.  (I know, I would gag when people would tell me this same stuff when I was pregnant, lol!!).

BTW, I had some ick males in my family too.  But DS has turned out wonderfully - he is kind, loving, smart and sensitive.  I think my DH and myself have played a big role in shaping him into the makings of a great person - and that is a really rewarding feeling.

If you and your family decide adoption is the best thing for everyone, that is a good option.  But that is also a complex choice.  You have just encountered your EGD - no need to rush into any big decisions just yet.  Take some time to mull everything over.

Keep writing here if you need to.  You are not alone.

GZ

I am soooo sorry!!! I felt the same way when I found out I was having a DS. I actually broke down and cried when they told me. But I have a 2 year old son who keeps me young and laughing. I hope you start to feel more connected. Many and hugs for you