Extreme gender disappointment

 great question maddi, I knew I didn't want a boy, I knew I preffered a girl but I didn't actually think I would really be this upset about it. I never thought that in a million years or I would NEVER have had another child if I would have known I would react like this. I know its hard for anyone to understand but its really not something you control. 

 Thank you for that

God Bless Pixie. I wish you the very best!

I have two boys.  My first was said to be a girl in ultrasound. So his name was Savannah  untill he was born.  When he was born I had no connection with him, the birth was horrible and Savannah  was gone.  But I can tell you that it didnt take me long to Love this little boy even though I never had any experiance with boys what so ever.  Dont judge him based on what males in your familey have done.  Mothers and little boys have special bonds!  When I was preggo with my second I wanted a girl SO bad and when I found out I had another boy I never thought I could love this boy as much as I loved my first bc he still wasnt my girl.  I proved myself wrong  again. 

I am sure after 3 times of getting exactly what you wanted that this is a huge shock to you.

Like many others have said it's very early and I think you will fall in love with him whether you want to or not.

I have a friend that has two girls and a baby boy (now 2) and it's like he has 3 mommies and they LOVE to pitch in and mother him and he is the SWEETEST and cutest little guy ever.  I think being around all of those sweet girls who love him so much makes him that way.

How does your husband or S.O. feel about having a boy after 3 girls? (if you don't mind me asking.)

You are right, the emotions...it's not controllable.But I am confident and will pray for you that you will feel better soon about this child. 

 It does feel like death, why?

you know I'm not really sure.  And I have had a mc at 12 1/2 weeks, but with exterem gd I felt the egd was worse than the mc.  Which makes it extreme 

so did you have your baby?

I had egd with dd2.  Yes I had her but it was a very dark time in my life.  I did not bond with her for a long time after she was born and did go a little crazy.  to  understand more read this http://www.in-gender.com/cs/blogs/tamara/archive/2008/06/06/my-gd.aspx

Do you feel a connection to it?

I do now more than ever.  But if you read my blog it took a while 

and then you get angrier with yourself for not feeling the way your supposed to feel. 

no, I didnt care, I was to depressed to care

I am so proud of you for coming here instead of hiding and making yourself feel even more guilty and alone! Lots of people have been where you are and lived through it. Maybe it won't be glorious and instant the way some moms bond, but many moms even without GD bond with their kids much later and still have a good relationship through life. I think what Tamara offered might give you some closure, which is a necessary part of the grief and acceptance process. There's time. Work through your stages of grief and see what comes on the other side. It may surprise you. And if not, you can always come back here to vent and cry.

u r in my prayers

GL

 I know that it seems hard. Especially when you look back on all of the males in your life that you didn't like. However, when I think about things like that ... I try to put a positive spin on it. Like, when I was younger ... I was ALWAYS being compared to my mother when I got into trouble. "That's something that your mother would do ... blah blah blah." I HATED it! So, instead of just dwelling on that and possibly falling into a similar situation as my mother ... I chose to NOT let it happen to me.

In other words, you can dwell on the bad men that you know in your life and be afraid that you won't love your son because he will turn out just like those other guys ... or you can put it in your head that you aren't going to LET that happen to him! That you are going to raise him into an amazing man that your whole family will love! Then maybe that will help a little bit? It gives you an ultimate goal to strive towards perhaps?

I hope that you find piece with the little guy inside you ... because he already loves you :)

I had egd with my first because I NEVER wanted a daughter.  I know what you mean about feeling sick thinking about it.  The pink clothes made my skin crawl and I'd get queasy just seeing things that said "princess" or "daddy's little girl"- that one really got me as I had been sexual abused by my step father for years and I felt like if I had a girl.....  Anyway, I felt like there was no way that would have ever happened to me.  I didnt bond with her right away (might I add, I was 19 didnt want to be pregnant, period.  The girl part was just the shit icing on the shit cake.)  I didnt really feel a good connection until she was a year-2 years old, when her personality really started to show.  Its weird, I never thought other people's daughters were cute either but now I can even see it in them, totally changed how I view a little girl. If Im being honest though, I would still want all boys if I were to have more, BUT it doesnt seem as terrifying if I did get another girl.

I want you to know that you are strong enough to get through this. Even though it will take time, things can and will get better. I remember (not so long ago) with my DS3 I was very disconnected from him. The pregnancy was horrible, the thought of losing my dream AGAIN was unbearable, and I just plain couldn't understand why me? I thought the 3rd time was supposed to be the charm!! When he was born I wasn't excited. I didn't cry out of happiness, I was just really relieved it was over. Then when he came home I was frustrated I couldn't sleep. It wasn't until he started showing some of his personality that I clicked in to how much I was really grateful to have him. Almost 2 years later now, and he's so charming!! I love him to bits. I am now grateful he is who he is. I don't feel bad for wishing he was something different in the beginning, because my feelings and the reasons for those feelings were valid and real. I hope that in time you can find some inner peace about your son. GD is so hard, and it never just goes away, but you can heal. I'm glad you sought out support too, having people around who understand helps a great deal. I will keep you in my prayers! 

 I'd suggest writing about your feelings in a journal or something (and probably either locking it away somewhere or destroying it, because it would NOT be fun explaining that to any member of your family that might come across it!)

 I felt just about the same way as you do on the day I found out I was having a boy. Even though it's my first child, and I'm 20 so I have plenty of years ahead to try for a girl, I NEVER wanted a boy. I didn't really want kids at all, but when I found out I was pregnant, I kept having dreams about having a daughter now and one later, and I really liked those dreams, so the ultrasound was a killer. I seriously considered adoption (I'd already ruled out abortion before, because while I'm pro-choice all the way, it just wasn't the right choice for ME), and sometimes still feel like I should do that, except that the whole family knows about the pregnancy and I know my boyfriend's family would judge me...plus it would be difficult for everyone since it's the first grandchild. I also desperately wanted to stop getting prenatal care, stop my vitamins, not get screened, everything (for the first day or so).

 I allowed myself to feel as low as I was feeling, because if you don't acknowledge it, it can get a billion times worse. The whole time, I told myself "if this awful, sick feeling doesn't go away in a week or two, I'm going to go see a therapist." I found out last Monday that it was a boy, and from reading and posting here, and talking to some other understanding people, I've been able to, for the most part, will away the negative feelings to the baby. I still feel some disappointment, but I'm also finding some peace (which is totally unlike me, to come to terms with such a major disappointment in the span of 7 days!). I can't tell you you'll recover like I did, or as quickly, but I can tell you... it's possible. If you can believe in that, that it's possible that some of the hurt and negative feelings will pass, that can go a long way in helping.

Also, I'm guessing that the father of your children (if all share a father) is at least somewhat of a positive part of your life... if you can focus on him as your image of what a man is, rather than all the disappointments you've had before from men, maybe that can help. Or just try to imagine the opposite of all of these disappointing men, and believe that you and your daughters can help your son to become as close as humanly possible to that, and maybe the future with a boy won't seem so daunting and unpleasant. 

 I'd say-- let yourself feel how you feel, while believing it's possible to recover. That one simple belief can do a world of good.

The best of luck to you.

Hi Pixie, Your post really broke my heart. I feel your pain. I was abused as a child but it never resonated in which gender I preferred. I always expected I would have a girl. I have three boys. They are all dear to me and all very different. There is no reason your son will be like your brother for you are his mumma and you will be the one who raises him to be a strong, independent, loving man who takes care of his family. Think of the path you can pave for him! And obviously your DH must be a lovely man for you to have chosen him, and this baby will be made up of half his genes. As much as I want a girl, my three boys are the absolute light in my life. I also read a really nice saying "you don't always get what you want, but you often get what you need." This may be just the thing you need to heal your past and have a bright future with the amazing men in your life - one of them will be your son. And you will love him, eventually. Hugs. xx

 I am feeling no better today. I will follow up and and answer some of your questions later today, I am seeing my doctor about my feelings this morning first thing.