How good does getting your desired gender feel?

Pink Ladies:

Yawn... so over the "got to give your husband a son" comments..... rant over

I agree with you Pink ladies, and also yawn when I read that "all women want daughters"...

who decided that was a fact? For me it wasnt, I always wanted a son when growing up

and being in my 20:ies. It was not until I had two boys already that I started to actually long

for a girl. and now I am even over that so I dont feel that "my husband never gave me a DD"...

That kind of talk is so silly - we get our children, and we are individuals - some want this & some want that

hurricanecek:

brazilian_mommy:

Babies are blessings!!!! Not just a GENDER!! *sigh*

 

But... this is a Gender Disappointment forum...?

Oh yeah... that's right. Thanks for reminding me! Even though the question was geared towards who got the desired gender

brazilian_mommy:

hurricanecek:

brazilian_mommy:

Babies are blessings!!!! Not just a GENDER!! *sigh*

 

But... this is a Gender Disappointment forum...?

Oh yeah... that's right. Thanks for reminding me! Even though the question was geared towards who got the desired gender

These kind of comments really rub me the wrong way....

BM - its great that you got your desired gender and all, but its like you forgot what it was like to have GD in the first place.  Its EASY for you to preach "babies are blessings not just a GENDER" after you're on the otherside happily holding the baby of your dreams.

Show a little sensitivity please! 

MDB I didn't forget I had GD - oh wait, I never had GD... The reason why I wanted a boy was to please my DH. I would have welcomed any baby that God decided to bless me. The only thing I ask for is health - everything else is minor. I am sorry I rubbed you the wrong way but a lot of ppl here rub me the wrong way ALL the time and I never say anything. Although I am very sympathetic with members like Keeley (who lost a baby boy and went on to have 7 girls) I don't have any simpathy for people that have their desired gender and still are not satisfied. IMO those are the people who see the cup as "half empty" so even if they got what they wanted they still would find something to complain about. I said "babies are a blessing not a gender" to a PP who already had her desired girl. I would never say that to someone like Keeley for example. So regarding sensitivity, I do have a lot. But I am still true to myself and I am not afraid to express my point of view even knowing I will be attacked for not being part of the GD disfunctional family.

brazilian_mommy:

MDB I didn't forget I had GD - oh wait, I never had GD... The reason why I wanted a boy was to please my DH. I would have welcomed any baby that God decided to bless me. The only thing I ask for is health - everything else is minor. I am sorry I rubbed you the wrong way but a lot of ppl here rub me the wrong way ALL the time and I never say anything. Although I am very sympathetic with members like Keeley (who lost a baby boy and went on to have 7 girls) I don't have any simpathy for people that have their desired gender and still are not satisfied. IMO those are the people who see the cup as "half empty" so even if they got what they wanted they still would find something to complain about. I said "babies are a blessing not a gender" to a PP who already had her desired girl. I would never say that to someone like Keeley for example. So regarding sensitivity, I do have a lot. But I am still true to myself and I am not afraid to express my point of view even knowing I will be attacked for not being part of the GD disfunctional family.

I actually understand what you are saying and I have had MAJOR GD. You can emphasize with someone wanting to raise both genders but can't understand when they have the gender they want, that they are still not happy and want more. I can get that and I know ALOT of people think the same way. And you are right, the question was How does getting your desired Gender feel. It wasn't rubbing it in the face it was answering a question. Each person answered it how they felt. There have been many different responses. Some I think may be shocking. Some not so shocking.

I find it an interesting question and informative. Some people it really is about wanting to raise that particular gender, others it is more deep rooted than that. It is good to see all sides. I often wondered if I wanted a daughter just because I didn't have one and I am a major control freak and believe that if I want something I have to work at it and GET IT! My dh wondered if having a daughter would satify me with regards to our family makeup and being content. I was sure it would and I was right but I can see how it could have gone the other way if I wanted a daughter for deeper reasons that had nothing to do with raising a girl child.

This is a good question and I think the answers are very realistic. All of them

"

MDB I didn't forget I had GD - oh wait, I never had GD... The reason why I wanted a boy was to please my DH. I would have welcomed any baby that God decided to bless me. The only thing I ask for is health - everything else is minor. I am sorry I rubbed you the wrong way but a lot of ppl here rub me the wrong way ALL the time and I never say anything. Although I am very sympathetic with members like Keeley (who lost a baby boy and went on to have 7 girls) I don't have any simpathy for people that have their desired gender and still are not satisfied. IMO those are the people who see the cup as "half empty" so even if they got what they wanted they still would find something to complain about. I said "babies are a blessing not a gender" to a PP who already had her desired girl. I would never say that to someone like Keeley for example. So regarding sensitivity, I do have a lot. But I am still true to myself and I am not afraid to express my point of view even knowing I will be attacked for not being part of the GD disfunctional family.

I'm glad you never had GD--lucky you (seriously)--those of us that have dealt with it know it can be mind blowing, and very very real. It is not something that someone should mock or try to make others feel bad. I used to feel like you--wonder why those who already had one of the desired gender still wanted more. than I met some amazing women on the internet who shared their stories with me. I LISTENED to them and it opened my eyes to the fact that we are all different, different people different desires. while I only wanted ONE girl--I did understand why others might want more than one.

Of course babies are blessings--I don't think anyone would argue that--I look around and see all of these women eventually accepting what God has sent them--with open arms. I accepted very single one of my 5 sons with no holds barred. I love them, adore them, wanted them, however it did not take away the very real and very painful need and desire for a daughter. Nothing was more irriatating to me, than having real pain, real raw emotional pain about it and having someone tell me that "babies are a blessing, not a gender"-- I of course knew that, but it did not validate my pain, my emotions, my desires. Showing compassion is about having compassion for those with trials that you might not understand as you haven't had that trial. How can you stand in judgement of others because you don't understand why they aren't "satisfied", who are you to determine when they should be satsified??? Just something to ponder

As to the original question--getting my daughter was the realization of a lifelong dream. She filled that ache in my heart, made my heart whole. It was amazing. She was a baby just like my boys and like my boys, I never put her down. I love having both genders, my dd is turning 4 in two weeks, and I wish it would slow down. Her birth was traumatic, but afterward I stared and stared at her. When they put her in my arms, the tears flowed, dreams do and can come true. My prayer is that each and everyone who dreams this dream finds it.

blue5pink1 I am happy for you that you got what you dreamed about... Of course I don't know everybody's personal stories, I just can't help to feel more compassion for some people than the others. It's just the way it is and in the real world not everybody is going to pat you in the back for everything you do. IMO somebody that wants to harm their baby or put him up for adoption just because the gender doesn't fit their requirements is despicable (not saying that there's someone like this in this thread but I've seen posts like this many times). It puzzles me that those people cannot hear harsh words no matter what horrible things are on their minds and only get encouragement while if you say something to the extent that they should be happy to have a healthy baby then YOU are the monster. I am entitled to my opinion just like you are to yours. But I learned my lesson and I won't post ever again in the GD forum even if the question applies to me simply because the freedom of speech is only one-sided here.

blue5pink1:

"

Of course babies are blessings--I don't think anyone would argue that--I look around and see all of these women eventually accepting what God has sent them--with open arms. I accepted very single one of my 5 sons with no holds barred. I love them, adore them, wanted them, however it did not take away the very real and very painful need and desire for a daughter. Nothing was more irriatating to me, than having real pain, real raw emotional pain about it and having someone tell me that "babies are a blessing, not a gender"-- I of course knew that, but it did not validate my pain, my emotions, my desires.

As to the original question--getting my daughter was the realization of a lifelong dream. She filled that ache in my heart, made my heart whole. It was amazing. She was a baby just like my boys and like my boys, I never put her down. I love having both genders, my dd is turning 4 in two weeks, and I wish it would slow down. Her birth was traumatic, but afterward I stared and stared at her. When they put her in my arms, the tears flowed, dreams do and can come true. My prayer is that each and everyone who dreams this dream finds it.

That is how I FEEL!! (I started crying though right before she was born (pretty much the first time I believe it was really happening and also after a tramatic birth!) and my dd turns 2 this thursday. Crazy that two yrs has passed with my dd when I spent 20yrs waiting for her.

BUT I can also understand why it would be hard to get why someone who has the gender they desired already, having extreme GD. I can EMPHASIZE, and feel that of course their GD is real, but I can totally understand why it would be hard for many to "get" it. Not saying it isn't validated, just saying I can understand why it is harder to swallow for some and can come across as being half empty way of looking at life. I also know I think this way because my entire adult life I just wanted ONE girl and it didn't seem it would ever happen. BUT that was ME, and I always have to remind myself that what I wanted and hoped for is NOT the same as what everyone else wants or hopes for.

I am sure hearing the gender you want is a great moment. I have one boy and this time around I would like a girl. I know with my little boy when I heard boy I was a little disappointed. I hope this time around I don't have that! I really hope you get your little boy this time around if you decide to try for another.

brazilian_mommy:

blue5pink1 I am happy for you that you got what you dreamed about... Of course I don't know everybody's personal stories, I just can't help to feel more compassion for some people than the others. It's just the way it is and in the real world not everybody is going to pat you in the back for everything you do. IMO somebody that wants to harm their baby or put him up for adoption just because the gender doesn't fit their requirements is despicable (not saying that there's someone like this in this thread but I've seen posts like this many times). It puzzles me that those people cannot hear harsh words no matter what horrible things are on their minds and only get encouragement while if you say something to the extent that they should be happy to have a healthy baby then YOU are the monster. I am entitled to my opinion just like you are to yours. But I learned my lesson and I won't post ever again in the GD forum even if the question applies to me simply because the freedom of speech is only one-sided here.

Please let me clarify--I agree that it is horrifing to hear of somone ending a pg based on gender alone. I'm completely against that. I got slammed here a while back for not patting someone on the back who did IVF and put in two embyros with the knowledge that if both took she would just reduce--made me physically ill when she did. I don't believe in blind support. I think adoption is a great option if the person really truely can't handle it. to be honest when pg with ds #5--it crossed my mind to give him up. I didn't know what to do, there were extenuating circumstances and I thought it was going to be my last baby. anyway--

My point was that you don't understand--you don't "get it"--so if you don't then instead of saying something that might hurt someone else, maybe just back out of the thread and say nothing at all???we all know deep down that a healthy baby is the most important thing, but it appears to me that the majority of posters in this forum are in the deep raw pain of just finding out their gender dream is shattered, yet again---so maybe cut them some slack---if you don't understand then don't read and don't commment.

I personally cheer the most for other mothers like me--who have 3, 4 or 5 of the same gender. but I understand that some can't or don't want big families and their dream is important too.

brazilian_mommy I think you are being disrespectful to the women on this thread. If you weren't going to post something supportive you should have skipped this one. You clearly don't understand GD and are here to judge them. I am from another group and I only post on threads where I can offer support and compassion, if you don't have something good to say then don't say it.

I am sorry girls - I am not going to back out of the thread because you want me to. You have no right to say who should post here or not. The question was "how good does getting your desired gender feel?" and a lot of people answered the question even though they DIDN'T get their desired gender. And I can assure you that I CAN understand GD - everybody's got feelings, right? But some people just don't deserve to be mothers. That's just the way it is.

brazilian_mommy:

some people just don't deserve to be mothers.

I'm not sure what makes you so obnoxious, but whatever it is, it works!

MyDreamBabi:

brazilian_mommy:

some people just don't deserve to be mothers.

I'm not sure what makes you so obnoxious, but whatever it is, it works!

Right back at you, hun!