Share your stories...how did you get over GD?

I need some HOPE. Please share how you dealt with and overcame your GD.

They only way I got over it was a dream God gave me.  Without it I would still have it

 Well, I didn't ever really have gender disappointment as gender desire....but basically when we found out this baby was a boy, and we knew we only wanted 3 -- I just made the conscious desicion to get over it...??? It was like....I could be sad about what I don't have, or happy with what I do have. KWIM? It's so much easier to live life thankful for your blessings than to focus your energy on what you think you're lacking. But for me it had to be a conscious decision/effort.

I've tried to swear off this stupid website!  LOL!!

I believe that GD is a lesson.  For me, it was a lesson in releasing my previous expectations of motherhood, embracing gratitude for all that I have in life and being open to new possibilities.  Never in my WILDEST dreams did I imagine that I would be the mother of 3 boys.  Holy sh*t!!  But here they are, and they are perfect to me.  Just like your precious baby boy will be perfect to you.  Trust me.  He will.  It may not happen instantly, but you will love him like no other.

Do not spend your time in the GD Forum, ok?  It's obviously making this journey worse for you.  It's time to step away from the dark side.  Surround yourself with positive energy.  Do something, anything, to create excitement.  2010 is going to be AMAZING for you!!!  AMAZING!  Go take a pre-natal yoga class.  Go look for some sweet coming home outfits for your baby.  Research local photographers for some newborn pictures.  Go purchase "Love You Forever."  Get a maternity massage.  Do something!! 

DO NOT GO TO THE GD FORUM AND GET SUCKED INTO THE DRAMA.  (YES, I AM YELLING!!)

Also, I love, love love Dr. Wayne Dyer.  Really getting into his teachings has helped me re-focus my energies.  Maybe check out some of his stuff.  He's helped me challenge my ways of thinking and helped me with my "flawed logic."  

 

    

I'm not totally over it yet, but it's gotten better since I had DS3 a couple of months ago.  Basically, I do not want anymore children, 3 was the limit and I don't want to get pregnant again either.  Before I always had the attitude that I didn't want to be one of those, "boy moms" and was holding out in hopes of finally getting my girl, so I wouldn't end up falling under that category.  Now, I've basically just given up and accepted that I will forever be a, "boy mom," and I just need to make the best of it.  I also realize that just b/c I have all boys, it doesn't mean we need to fall into boy stereotypes.  My boys don't have to be obsessed with sports and video games.  They can do things like take cooking class, learn an instrument, take art class, etc..  Those were all things that I had hoped to do with a dd, and I've changed my attitude a bit that just b/c I have boys, it doesn't mean that my boys can't do those activities (so I can have more in common with them, I am someone who does not like sports at all).  I guess I've decided that I don't have to play the role of the, 'boy mom,' I don't have to have soccer stickers all over my car and obnoxious sports pins on my purse,  and wear sports jerseys that match the rest of the family, etc..  I can raise my boys up to be intellectual and sensitive and to go against the grain of the whole, "boys will be boys" attitude that I loathe. 

BeebsNBubbs:

Never in my WILDEST dreams did I imagine that I would be the mother of 3 boys.  Holy sh*t!!  But here they are, and they are perfect to me.  Just like your precious baby boy will be perfect to you.  Trust me.  He will.  It may not happen instantly, but you will love him like no other.

 This is so true, except that I have 4 boys.  Life is constantly changing and flowing.  You may not be expecting what you get, but that doesn't make it any less of a blessing.  1-2-3-4 boys... each and every one of them fills my heart in a totally special and unique way.  I may not have wanted 4 boys, but I definitely got what I needed.  It's amazing how before a baby is born you (general you) can be thinking, "Oh my God.. how will I make it with this baby? What was I thinking? I should never have gotten pregnant!" but once your baby is here and real you really just can't imagine life without him/her.   And, I concur about the GD forums.  I was so happy to find people who could understand what I felt; however, the difference for me is that I don't want to dwell in it.  I want to move past it and be at peace with my pink free life.  So, what I did was focus on my goal of getting over GD and not wallowing in my own self pity.  Boys are great and no matter what people say they are just as special/unique/amazing as a baby girl.

I had gender desire with my DS#3 , I refused to be disappointed and spoil my pregnancy....I got myself excited...bought things...clothes...binkies...diaper bag and new blue carseat...blue galore...was excited to meet him...he was born an OH MY BLAZING GOD WAS HE GORGEOUS...I HAVE BEEN WRAPPED SINCE!!!

Posted this on another post but this is how i am moving through the process of "getting over" GD in having only boys

So sorry you are feeling this way..... in terms of getting over it, i believe one has to make a conscious effort to, as if you think this will just go away you may be wrong and it will be a life time battle. For me personally i am going to a pychologist, having reki, nuturing my female self and exploring the concept fully of rasing little men and that includes exploring why i have such a negative veiw of men. I am trying to see my son as not a gender but a sole in a boys body and how i can have an impact on the person he will become. I challange people veiws when i get mean comments about having boys and will choose to no longer let people tell me how males are in society and that my sons will be destined to become something i am so against. For me i am turning my back on GD ( its hard) and standing strong and proud as a women who has sons, if anything, me having boys is making me become more "female" as i am more aware of my own identity and how this is projected on to my children and am aware that i am their first introduction to females so i want to portray us in a good light in the hope that they will naturally choose to surrowd themselves with great females and have positive experiances with the oppostite sex. This has come about beacause my first introduction to males was my father whom was a damaging person and therby i went on to have negative male relationships. As i have a stubborn nature i tend to be like GOD YOU GAVE ME BOYS and people say that i NEED to have a daughter and i am made to believe i am missing out and my response to that is..... HOW DARE you say that boys are not enough, from now on i am going to show you WORLD that they are, and i can be "complete" and having sons is just one part of me. ( i tend to get on my high horse when things seem to have to be only one way in the world and therby telling us how it shoud be) And i will welcome all my freinds and families babies into the world and give myself the time to greive and refelect when these babies are girls and then put these feeling in a place of acceptance as it will only destroy me if i dont.

So basically i am making an effort in being aware of these feelings and really exploring WHY i feel this way and taking steps to move past this. I dont want my motherhood journey to be about GD

Hugs to you

DS1 M/C DD DS2 DUE feb 

I think that what has helped me the most about overcoming GD is looking at the world

how it REALLY is when it comes to gendered children and how they interact with their

grown-up parents. I did have a skewed view about the adult mother-daughter relationship

for a long time (and still have relapses LOL), but for the most part I have realized that

a relationship between an adult daughter and her mother is not that much different than

it is between an adult son and his mother...I come from a family with only girls

and have seen over the years that all we daughters have a complex relationship

to our parents that includes all the emotions on the scale, it is not just all sunny & roses

cause we are females KWIM? therefore I choose to see that having sons will be

pretty much the same, maybe with less "chatting" if my sons ens up like my husband is

but I am quite talkative myself so that will solve itself in due time

I agree with the previous posters that some retail therapy and shopping might do good

initially - it was so fun for me to shop baby things again when I expeceted my second son,

indulge in the baby world of things, there truly are some sweet and pretty things out there

that are gender neutral too! Then I happen to have a soft spot for everythng "baby blue" which helped

Alot of bonding and alot of time. I had gastric bypass 1 year after ds3, who was my GD baby and I lost alot of waeight and decided to not havie any more children and I didn't for 6 years andthe need for a dd faded draumatically. I concentrated on my self and evnjoying what I do have instead of what I didn't have and that helped tremendously and with time it got so much easier since I was no longer in baby land and they became more independant and life got alot easier until one day I realized I would be fine not having a dd and really wanted to enjoy my selfif and work on myself to be happy but life threw a divorce at me and my life plans changed once I got remarried. I would like to say I would've been fine with having another boy. I'd like to have another dd for family balancing but I CAN without a doubt say if I have another gender will be the last thing on my mind,

 BeebsNBubbs-

 Pretty off subject but your boys are very handsome! I love the pic you have attached, it is so cute  Makes me want a lil man of my own even more...Oh and I appreciate your post it is true I myself need to move on from GD and appreciate what I do have, thanks and well said.

californiagrl:

 BeebsNBubbs-

 Pretty off subject but your boys are very handsome! I love the pic you have attached, it is so cute  Makes me want a lil man of my own even more..

 

Thanks.    That's sweet of you.

I gotta tell ya though...  If you had been there with me during that photo shoot...  You probably would be 100% GD-FREE!!  LOL!  Note how the baby is crying.  That's because DS2 clawed him in the face right before (among other things!).  I needed a valium when all was said and done!!    HA!

it is obvious that a lot of women here have gd for different reasons. mine is attached to losing a dd while pregnant with her....

i'm "still" getting over my gd but the thing that helps most is NOT looking at my sons as their gender, but looking at them as little souls that i have the honor of taking care of, nurturing and helping them find their way in the world. i don't believe in all the stereotypes that get people all ruffled up on the other gd forum. if you only think your boys will be a certain way or only be interested in certain things, then they probably will be! open the world to them and you'll be surprised at how unique they are and how unique their interests will be. when you stop projecting things on your kids--especially the ones you're dreaming about and accept them as simply human beings that are each unique and needing of your honest love, you begin to accept things. when you stop fighting against the "what ifs" and accepting that this is the life you were meant to experience, you let go off all of that negative energy. when you stop listening to other people and focus on your family and how perfect it is, because it is YOUR family you realize how much TIME you've wasted over this stupid thing called GD. your life is passing you by and you are still stuck on wanting it to be a different way. well, life sucks sometimes. there are ALWAYS disappointments--big and small. sometimes it is divorce, sometimes cancer, sometimes death, sometimes losing a child you never got to hold. it happens to everyone. you can't escape it. this is YOUR tragedy. but don't wallow in it for too long. it will take over and life is too short to give gd the kind of power that i can easily suck up...

NinaB:

it is obvious that a lot of women here have gd for different reasons. mine is attached to losing a dd while pregnant with her....

 

I'm so glad you posted.  You are one of my faves.    To lose a DD while pregnant...  So heartbreaking and yet you are so positive and wise.  

You could teach some of our grumpier and more bitter types here a thing or two.  

BeebsNBubbs:

You are one of my faves.   

beebsnbubbs--you are one of MY faves!! i'm SO glad to see you back here for my own selfish reasons. you have the most awesome outlook and i know i'm always going to feel good about things when i read your posts cause i always agree with your point of view!! you are such a great mom. fyi--i love that dr wayne dyer too! he's helped me a lot. such a wise man. i've only seen him on video--have you read any of his books you'd recommend? ...