Forum for Moms recovering from GD who got DG

Since we really don't have a board...yet....I needed to get something off my chest.

I just hid a friend (actually a MOMs club aquaitence) on facebook because she just had her little baby girl.  She has a 2 year old son and the baby.  I couldn't stand to see her with her perfect pigeon pair.....and the nursery.  We have a 3 bedroom house with 4 kids....so I never was able to do a pink nursery like I have dreamed since, well, forever.  It is just a knife in the heart to see all that and I just cannot be happy for her right now.

I guess it is even harder because when she learned that I had three boys her comments were really rude...I am sure we all have heard them. 

I couldn't post this on DIG board...since I do have a dd I guess I shouldn't be feeling this way....but it is STILL so hard to see it come so easily for some, who will never know GD!  She will never hear the comments 'you FINALLY got your girl' that still upset me. 

Ahhh.....will these feeling ever go away? 

ThreeBoys2love:

We have a 3 bedroom house with 4 kids....so I never was able to do a pink nursery like I have dreamed since, well, forever. 

Ditto,  I feel exactly the same, no pretty in pink nursery for me.  I really like the idea of this forum, I was just thinking about this the other day

Bumping this for a poster.

sorry

 Hi all

Not sure if this is the right place to put this but its something that helps me and it might help with what you are all going through. Cant remember where I got it but its been on my fridge for years and I've tried to apply it to many different issues like trying to buy a house, trying to have a baby, etc.

Dance Like No Ones Watching

We convince ourselves that life will better after we get married, have a baby and then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids arent old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that out lives will be complete when our spouse gets a better job, when we can afford a nicer car, are able to go on holiday, or when we retire. 

The truth is there's no better time to be happy than right now. Your life will always be filled with challenges. Its best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. 

Alfred D. Souza once said, "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life"  

This perspective helps us see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way

So treasure every moment that you have. And treasure it more because you have shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with and remember that time waits for no-one....

..so stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you move, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off,  until Spring, until Summer, until Winter, until the first or the fifteenth, until your song comes on, until someone calls you, until you die..

- to decide that there is no better time than now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Remember

Work like you dont need the money

Love like you've never been hurt

And dance like no-one's watching 

Hope that might help a bit. I certainly dont mean it in a preachy either. I think it just shows that it is human nature to feel like you are all feeling and its hard for everyone to just be happy! 

Will need to read this a lot to myself in the next few weeks as I come up to the time and then have my new baby! 

Happy vibes to all!!! 

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Portia West:

Auhmmm I may sound as unsupportive now but having "GD" still

after getting your dream gender child seems a little bit over the top for me -

I understand what you mean. But I don't think that is the only reason why some of us miss a place like that.
I am not still having GD after I got my DD, but what others said before is true for me: I do not know where to post because I don't want to hurt others who are still having GD. And sometimes I would love to post,  for instead  because I am also a mother who is so affraid that others IRL may think I don't love my boys now I had my DD, so I am also giving them a lot of attention since she is born and DD is in bed most of the time. I let DS's friends come and play in our house all the time even when I am exhausted because I don't want people to think that 4 children is too much for us. I don't want my boys to suffer from our choice to have another child.
Sometimes my feelings are confused but no one IRL knows how I felt when I had GD, so I cannot talk (really) to anybody about how it is to finally have my DD.

For a long time this forum has been the only place for me where I could talk about my GD, and now suddenly it's not anymore, I miss it.

Hugs,
Lieske

uh hum!! So, did we ever get a yay, or nay on the suject maureen? Or anyone? hmm hmm hmm! LOL

Madison - no need to apologize silly girl!  I knew you supported the idea without you posting here. 

I've been wondering too . . . TO THE POWERS THAT BE . . . what can we do to get an answer on this?  Do a poll?  What?  There is obviously a wide variety of people who are going through this or already have.  I saw a post just put in the GD forum this morning along these lines.  The need for this forum is not going to go away. 

deleted by poster

I had my dd after 5 boys at nearly 40yrs old and 20yrs of desiring a daughter. I have had NO GD since she has been born but I did go through alot of emotional confussion after she was born. I had a hard time believing she was real. I kept waiting for something "bad" to happen because I couldn't have finally been "the one" to have a girl. She was very very very colicy... but I expected that because as if I would get one of those good babies... I didn't in a boy why would I in a girl haha. I kept thinking that I would loose one of my boys because well.... here she was and in my twisted thoughts I kept thinking now I have the daughter I want, and it is too good to be true something bad is going to happen to one of my boys because I should have wanted the younger ones more... GUILT over my boys.... guilt that if I would have known that I WOULD have my dd eventually, I would have relished each and everyone of their pgs like I should have.... but was to busy crying over the fact that they were not their future sister. I still have fear I am going to loose one of my boys because I feel ungrateful that I didn't value them as much when I was pg (I did when they were born of course but you know GD when you are pg you just want that penis to fall off)

What I didn't expect was how suddenly people would treat me like I wasn't a boy mom...specially on message boards where I was always "the Boy Mom" uh?!?!? Hello!! I have five sons!! I have been a boy mom for almost 20yrs and one little girl born nearly 2yrs ago doesn't change that. I was kicked from the club too because "how could I understand GD or raising an all boy family.... I have been a mother for 20yrs and a mother of a daughter for less than two.... yeah how could I understand being a mom of of all boys...  I get snide comments now when I talk about GD in posts...like I am smug about having a dd. No I am not smug but I do feel I deserve her... don't we all feel we deserve to raise the gender we hope for???I also feel I deserve each and everyone of my boys as much as I deserve my dd.

 IF I feel certain comments are alittle hateful from someone having GD and express that it isn't nice... well I am in the wrong because I have a dd.... interesting how suddenly my opinion is squat because my 6th baby is a girl. BUT in the grand scheme of things that is ok. I do understand GD more than alot of people can even imagine, and I also know that some people will be bitter period and that is life. Having the desired gender isn't going to change a bitter person.

I totally understand what the OP and those who agree with her are trying to say. It is shocking how easily you don't fit, in a place you were once on top. It is hard to believe that yes good things can happen to you and that all the sadness of the past is GONE (with regards to GD) There is alot of guilt you feel towards your boys (or girls if you have all girls) guilt for not appreaciating their individual personalities more... for grouping them as JUST boys, for realizing when you  get your desired (girl or boy) that you love them the same as your boys but YOU Sure as heck don't want to show any special attention to the girl for fear of looking like you favour the desired gender to the outside world, to your family... to your boys. You even go about really doing "boyish things" more when you are in public and express how much boys rock lol more so than you did before (and you know you did before because you were trying to defend the boys from the rude comments about how "sorry" people were that you only had all boys or all girls) but I have let all those feelings go the more my dd gets older the more she just fits into the family like all my new babies eventually did.

Yah I love having a daughter and I am not afraid to show it anymore and that means including in front of my boys. I am not abandoning them by loving their sister, just like I didn't abandon them when I had a new baby brother who I also showed as much love towards. Yah I LOVE having my sons and I AM a boy mom (and PROUD of it)anyone with ONE boy is a boy mom... I am now a GIRL mom too and I don't appologize for it just like I still feel 100% that I am a house of BOYS I know what it is like to raise sons. I am an expert on having boys. (I think I am an expert on girls too since I am one and have been one for nearly 41 yrs.) I don't care if someone is jealous of me because I have a daughter anymore because that person is NUTS to be jealous of me. I don't care if I am kicked from the club.. because I am a club onto myself... I have more boys than most in the club by two or three HAHA! So if I am kicked out, well that is kicking out someone who REALLY understands what it is like to raise little boys. You ask a mom who has raised one or two boys to near adult hood and she knows what I am saying... first time mom of a boy may think her little bundle of blue is alittle mentally off balance when he is obsessed with war, guns and all the other violent games boys love to play. But we mom's who have a boy or two well under our belts already will have stories to tell about our balanced nearly grown sons who did the same thing.... Parenting talks can be a wealth of information if we weren't so busy judging and worrying what others thought.

I do still worry I will loose one of my sons, but I always did when I really think about it. I worry about outliving my children period. So I guess that isn't something new... I just redirected it according to what was going on in my life at the time.

And if someone thinks I am being smug when I post a comment about trying to get over the gd they are experiencing well what can I do??? If the person is so blinded by the small bit of pink at the end of my longgggggggggggggg line of blue, then nothing I say anyways will be heard. So FINALLY after so many yrs, I just feel content (with regards to my family make up) and don't worry about what others think. I will always worry about something when it comes to my children and I will always feel guilty I am failing in one shape or form as a mother regardless what their gender is... it is always something new as they grow

it should be called guilty hood not motherhood lol becoming a mom you spend the rest of your life worrying what you are doing wrong and over thinking everything

fun isn't it! LOL

Madison - I put it here because I didn't know where else to put it! 

FYI...Maureen is working on it! Just so you know she hasn't forgotten you!

Thank you AprilMay.