I've been thinking about this for awhile and have even had PMs from other moms in the same position.  There are a lot of us who have parented only 1 gender for long periods of time (over 10 years in my case) and I identify so strongly with all boys moms even though I now have a DD.  One thing that surprised me, and I have discovered that has surprised others as well, is when they get their DG, GD does not magically disappear.  It takes time to recover.

In some ways you feel like you've betrayed other moms of the same gendered children, that you've been kicked out of a club.  (Keep in mind that GD is very complex and runs deep.)  When this happens it is hard to know where we belong on IG.  We still identify with the GD forum but don't want to trigger others with GD.  The GD recovery forum doesn't quite seem right either because there are so many women there who are trying to find peace without getting their DG.  I know in fact that some women have left IG because they no longer felt there was a place for them here.

I strongly support a form for woman who do get their DG after GD.  It would not only be helpful for those in the situation but for those who are still trying for their DG.  I was really unprepared for dealing with feelings of GD after DD was here.  No one told me it didn't disappear after the 1st u/s.  I think it would be so helpful to a wide range of women.

Any thoughts on this?

I wanted to add that in no way shape or form would the intention behind this be a "brag fest" type of "pat on the back," "aren't we special" forum.  It really is about the complex way GD takes hold of you and shapes your life.

It is really, really hard to adjust and so hard to discuss on the main boards and that is why we hide behind PMs to talk about what we are going through.  This really is a complex issue. 

I hope no one misinterupts the reasons for wanting this type of forum.

I think it could be a good idea.  I still suffer pangs of GD, despite having two girls.  And even more so now that I'm pregnant again.  I'm scared it'll be a boy and I'll feel the way I did with my last three DSs but I can't talk about it on the general GD board because apparently I've got no reason to be scared or worried seeing as I "got my girls so it doesn't matter what the next one is".  I feel like I'm not allowed to feel any anxiety about it and so bottle it up and keep it to myself which is causing me to become depressed IRL.  Talking to my DH is NOT the same as talking to other women who know and understand that GD doesn't just go away the minute you have a scan telling you the news you're hoping for.

I think it's a good idea.

sorry the article has made me nuts 

I think its a great idea.  I had my dd first with a old boyfriend and now have 3 expecting 4 boys with my husband.  This will be my last child.  Even though I did get my daughter doesn't mean that I don't suffer from a little GD.  I never got my daughter with my dh and I never will.

Maybe that would be a good subgroup in the rising above section

I love this idea! I could have written many of your posts. I struggled so much with making sure everyone saw that I still love my boys so much I lost some of the early bonding time with my dd. I just did the basics. It is so nice to hear that I am normal and here I just thought I was depressed due to hormones. I felt like one problem was solved, getting a dd, another one formed, guarding my boys. DD is 2 now it has lessened some but I still somewhat feel lost not being an all boy Mom. I look so differently at it now almost like it is very special to have just one gender. I almost feel "just like everone else" having both! Now that is a crazy turn around. It almost seems like I just can't be happy! Anyway, yes I would love this forum.

Madison:

I felt I needed to reassure everyone  that my boys were special and wanted.not instead of her but as well as. I wanted boys and girls.

I had to ward off the 'finally got a girl comments' and a host of others. Just the same as during the pregnancy.

OMG!!!  This is me.  I am struggling with this pregnancy so badly, and I do have some form of GD or depression because she is a girl.  I don't want my boys being felt left out, and I do not appreciated the "finally it's a girl" comment!  Where's my "finally got pregnant without Clomid" comments?  Don't ignore my boys just because I have a girl!  Yes, it is needed because ina way we are between the GD forum and the riasing above GD forum.

Mo Mo's 3 dreams:

Madison:

I felt I needed to reassure everyone  that my boys were special and wanted.not instead of her but as well as. I wanted boys and girls.

I had to ward off the 'finally got a girl comments' and a host of others. Just the same as during the pregnancy.

OMG!!!  This is me.  I am struggling with this pregnancy so badly, and I do have some form of GD or depression because she is a girl.  I don't want my boys being felt left out, and I do not appreciated the "finally it's a girl" comment!  Where's my "finally got pregnant without Clomid" comments?  Don't ignore my boys just because I have a girl!  Yes, it is needed because ina way we are between the GD forum and the riasing above GD forum.

This is all so true.  When people say, "You finally got YOUR girl," I often correct them saying, "Yes, I got A girl and I also got 3 wonderful boys."

This is also why I have not changed my user name, have never had the intention of doing so and never will.  People have asked me and have even said I should (not on IG but a different board).  I find it offensive to suggest because I am still the mom of 3 boys and have been for a long time.  I feel changing my user name would be like saying I am a different person, like I was turning my back on who I have been all along.

I am so glad this is being discussed because it is such a taboo topic on IG, just like GD is taboo on expecting club forums.

It really makes you think about the definition of GD, doesn't it? I mean, GD used to mean disappointment over not getting a certain gender. Then it meant disappointment over not getting your "dream family". Now it means disappointment over GETTING your desired gender and still feeling sad. I am so confused!

Perfect. Great idea. I was surprised that having dd didn't cure me too. I mean it's so complex like you said and I was a boy mom for 9 years then it's like you have no where to go but you still have unwanted feelings that you don't know how to deal with, with gd. It surprised the hell out of me and I too would've loved a forum like that to go to.

AprilMay:

It really makes you think about the definition of GD, doesn't it? I mean, GD used to mean disappointment over not getting a certain gender. Then it meant disappointment over not getting your "dream family". Now it means disappointment over GETTING your desired gender and still feeling sad. I am so confused!

See.  That is just the thing.  So are we.  It is a huge adjustment, one that you would not think is difficult but seems to be for many of us.  A lot of us have spent years on IG, bonding with women, supporting one another through our journeys.  When that journey ends for some we feel like we no longer fit in, and sometimes like we aren't wanted here anymore, that we no longer have a place.

The biggest reason for needing this forum is exactly as you pointed out, it is confusing.  GD becomes so intertwined in who we are it is hard to unwind it, to loosen it's hold.  Being a mom of all boys was so much a part of me, something that I felt such a bond with to other moms of all boys.  Other moms in this same regard feel after getting our DG that the people we identified with for so long no longer identify with us even though we feel very much like the same people.

I can not reinterate enough this forum would not be about "hey look at us - we want our own little club because we got what we wanted," in fact if anyone were to do that it would make me very upset.  That is so not the purpose of this and I sincerely hope no one would use it as such.  In fact I think if we were to receive one it should be named something like, "Adjusting after GD."   It would definately need a name and disclosure clearly setting forth what it's intention is.

It is about the adjusting.  It is about feeling like we can still belong here and see everyone else through their journeys and support them.  It is about continuing to support women who may be PG with their DG and confused why they aren't "fixed."  It is about letting women who are still on their journeys know that GD does not magically disappear like we all think it should.

GD is very complex and this is just another very real facet of it.

Auhmmm I may sound as unsupportive now but having "GD" still

after getting your dream gender child seems a little bit over the top for me -

I mean there are always things in our lifes that we will struggle with, that is how life is!

And making it such a big deal that you had your dream gender child and still suffer

from GD makes little sense to me, and I can see that for some

it may even make their own GD feel even worse as they can see people

here who did get what someone else dreamt so much about , and yet they

still feel disap. If you dont feel like belonging onthe GD-forums you have so many other

forums here to write on instead. These are my thoughts about this