Gender Disappointment

my baby boy died

foreignmimi — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 14:04:23 GMT

My baby died suddenly and unexpectedly just one month after I accepted him and began my bonding journey. I just want to warn you all - love and treasure what you ve got. Right now hug your children, stroke your belly and say how much you love them, gd is nothing, you are all silly. Stop being silly.....boys,girls...does it really matter?!? this is a lesson for me, please dont repeat my mistakes.

Seriously thinking of #4 but wondering if we should just stop now

hope1212 — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 02:49:13 GMT

Wondering if anyone has any advice and may have been through the same. We have 3 wonderful boys age 5 and under. I always wanted 3 kids, and imagined I would have had a BGB... when DS2 was born I had not found out the gender ahead of time and was so shocked to find out he was a boy. I had pretty severe GD for the first few weeks. I think I knew we would be still having another, but it put so much pressure on that third one being a girl. So when we went for #3 I read all the swaying techniques. I never ate dairy (nor do I eat anything that's on the boy diet, but that's a diff story!).. so I figured oh this could work. I ate tons of dairy and took cranberry, drank cranberry juice, nutrasweet , we did all the timing, tricks.. the who nine yards.. hubby too.. but alas, we had the most amazing baby boy.. truly, could not have asked for a better baby in every respect. I found out his gender during the pregnancy (the only one I found out the gender) the GD was so severe and I kept telling myself it's just because the baby is abstract now it will be okay. Lucky for me, it really did work that way.. once he was in my arms I was head over heels. So I avoided the tears in the delivery room of despair I had with our poor DS2, who is also the most amazing little boy. Now that our baby is 1, and I am nearing 40 at the speed of light I can't shake the idea of having another baby. I just don't know if it's because DS3 was a boy, and had been a girl, would I have been content? I keep telling DH that we need to even out the numbers.. our first two are so close, in age, and as friends. They love their baby brother, but I worry he will always be tailing behind. DH is so done with the baby stage. But yet, we have saved all our baby things and he is not saying we should get rid of them.. so not sure if deep down maybe he does want another, or he just knows I won't give up so he is just not putting his foot down. He has told me point blank he really doesn't want 4 boys.. he is amazing with the kids, and they adore him and he adores them... but as he puts it, 3 or 4 of any one gender is a lot.. and seems more overwhelming to him then 3 or 4 kids. of mixed gender. Esp since he feels a lot of pressure that he is the male role model. His dad was absent when he was a child so he puts a lot of pressure on himself to be 100% there for our kids and super involved. I have had dreams randomly of having a girl, or being pregnant again. But honestly, I am torn. I actually am not opposed to 4 boys.. and at this point believe it is all we would have. But I of course, still long for a daughter.. so I wonder if my motivation for another is tainted by that? I love babies.. it's disturbing.. I think once they hit 2 I just crave another baby... with my first I craved another baby by the time he was 9 months! But I have nursed them all (about 1.5 yrs..I'm still nursing our youngest who is a bit over a year). So the idea of another pregnancy so close, and nursing yet another baby is kind of beyond draining. And because of our age I don't think we can really wait much longer then another year at the most. I don't know if my thought/desire for another baby is that I am so used to having a baby so soon after the ones we have? Like perpetual pregnancy so I think my brain just craves it? Ha, not really, but in a joking way yes. I don't know if because #3 was a boy I just was so miserable during the pregnancy so I didn't savor it, am I looking for this amazing feeling of oh this is my last I am savoring every moment? And how unrealistic is that with 3 young kids already! We live in a city, so space is an issue, money is an issue, etc etc.. but I don't want that stopping us from having a whole other person in our family. The boys are so amazing together, the idea of having one more sibling for them seems like such an amazing gift we can give them. But, then I wonder if they would be better off if we stopped now so we have more time to give them. It is very hard already for us to give them any individual time or attention.. does having a fourth just make it so over the top ? I want to be able to spend some solo time with each, and let them know we are not always frazzled and we can just sit with them and help them, or play , or whatever without always running in 20 other directions. Is going from 3-4 like going from 2-3? less difficult with each additional one? Or for those of you who have 4, was it a game changer? Also, what about DH.. if he really isn't okay with a fourth boy, how realistic could it be for us to do this and him not be resentful or overwhelmed if we do indeed have another boy. And if I have any GD if that does happen I think that will just put over the edge.. this last time hit him very hard since I was so depressed and sad over hearing boy during the pregnancy. And honestly, I know a part of me really hopes beyond hope that we would have a girl this time.. my brain says oh of course it will be a boy and I'm okay with that.. and I will be of course.. but my heart soars at the idea of hearing girl this time. I wish I could just wait a few years, but time is not on our side for that. Would love to hear everyone's thoughts. Thanks so much !!!

Angry

AR524 — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:03:49 GMT

I just found out yesterday that I'm having my 3rd boy. This baby was a complete surprise. My second was 4 months old when we got pregnant. I naïvely thought this would be the girl I hoped, dreamt, and prayed for. My first son is 3 and he correctly predicted my second was a boy, so when he insisted this baby was a girl I stupidly put all my faith in that. I am finding myself to be extremely angry. I think about the future. That I will always be some girl's mother-in-law. I know that no one knows what the future holds but from what I've seen with my husband, his brother, and my brother, as close as a mother and son are growing up that relationship always changes as the man gets older. The relationships I've seen are more out of obligation than a genuine closeness. I think that is due to the stigma of not wanting to be labeled "mama's boy". If a grown daughter cuddles with her father no one says anything. But if a man does it, people (even me) think it's strange and unhealthy. I find myself not wanting to be around people who have girls or both genders. I'm already thinking of canceling plans to avoid them. I also don't want to be around ppl who have all boys. I don't want to hear how great boys are. I know. I have two already. And I love them more than anything and I know I will love this baby once he comes. But I feel like there will always be this tiny place in my heart for the girl I never got to know. Now begins the fake smile, the fake excitement. I'm so tired I don't have the energy for faking it. I'm sick of blue, football, baseball, superheroes. I know a girl could've been into the same things, but at least I would've had a few years of frilly girl stuff before she developed her own likes. I also can't stand to hear the comments from people. "Going for a football team?" "You're gonna have your hands full!" "Are you gonna try again for a girl?" "Wow! You're husband only makes boys!" Or the fake sympathy, when you know they are glad it's not them. Another issue is that my sister in law is pregnant after 3 rounds of ivf. How do I complain about another boy when her and my brother have been struggling??? Guilt. It sucks. It's still early but I'd bet anything they will have a girl. Fate is cruel like that.

Is this board for those that want all of one gender?

jacquelineh — Sat, 15 Jun 2013 23:11:28 GMT

I have always pictured a family of just girls since I was small. 3 girls would be my ideal, but I think if we got 2 straight, we'd consider ourselves blessed and not chance our luck. We had our first 5 months ago and DH I think slightly preferred a boy, but really didn't care much as long as the baby was helathy. I was overjoyed to discover that it was both healthy and a she, and while our little girl has been far from an easy baby, things have calmed down a bit, and we are planning to start TTC our next in a month or two, because our idea is to have sibilings close together. Since we already have one girl, DH actually wants a second as well, so that they can have that sister relationship and just because practically we have so much girl stuff already. I found this website because I'd heard of swaying (does it really work??!!) and found this board where people actually admit that it's OK to want one gender more.

Anyway, is it OK to post here if you already have one of your desired gender, or is it in poor taste since I'm sure that wanting another of your desired gender stilll cannot compare to those that haven't gotten one yet? I know that a pidgeon pair is a lot of people's dream because whenever we mention TTC#2, everyone assumes we want a boy this time, but I guess I'm the odd one out that really wants just girls. Obviously if #2 is a boy, I"m sure I'll love him and come around to the idea, but in my heart of hearts I'm hoping that I don't have to.

After baby was born, did you still suffer from GD???

Suenchris — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 04:00:33 GMT

I'm having my first child in a week, a boy! I desperately wanted a girl!!!!! Everyone around me is having girls, including my close friend who I found out yesterday was having a girl. I am very, very worried that I'm going to continue to suffer from GD even after my son is born, because of how bad I wanted a girl. My question to you is did your GD go away when you saw your child for the first time or did it continue after you gave birth. If it did, how did you cope with it? Thank you all!!!

finding out wednesday the gender of #2 really scared of how I will react

mw135 — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 03:55:01 GMT

So Preggers with number 2 - Have a wonder boy already that I love dearly. I am finding out on wedesday. I really really want a girl. I have been telling everyone its a boy.. I know its a boy. Thats its ok if its a boy.... but I am so scared that when they say boy I will cry. I don't want to be that awful person. I should be happy for the life and only wish for a health baby. I feel so guilty. I keep practising my reaction. Oh a boy yay... but it really doesn't sound too happy.. I don't know what to do. I am so anxious. Ppl keep of course saying hope its a girl... etc which makes me mad because if its a boy ppl will pity me. Why? because I have a wonderful son? ugh... Its not that I don't want two boys I would be ok with it if I knew my third was a girl for sure I would not be upset... I just want one girl..my son is amazing and I always wanted a son..but I wanted a girl more.... and I can only have 3 because my third if I have another I will be 39 when the baby is born... I hate I can't control this. I husband says its a boy as well. I guess I should be happy I am having a baby when so many ppl can't.

Trying to be happy

MinaAriel — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 04:39:32 GMT

Today has just been kind of a crap day. Little fails, nothing major. Then, when I get home, I find out that one of my good friends found out today that she was having a girl. I'm trying really hard to be happy for her.

She knows what it's like to suffer with gender disappointment. We were both the moms of only boys. She swayed with her second and when it failed, she was devastated. I totally understood where she came from, one of the only people who did. When I became pregnant with our third, we talked about fears. When my third was deemed to be DS#3 she knew that I was in pain and was supportive. Everyone else had quips and comments and were either trying to be positive or just straight up offered me their pity. She sent hugs and comfort that someone knew it hurt and didn't judge me for it. Then, she found out she was pregnant. She was upset because she hadn't swayed or timed. We commiserated once more.

Today she had her scan and she got her dream. Finally a daughter. I know how much she wanted her and really, I am so very happy that my friend gets to have her desired gender. I am so glad she doesn't have to suffer this broken heart. But, there is a very selfish part of me that now feels abandoned. My friend no longer belongs to this sad club of unfulfilled dreams.

So many of my friends have been getting their desired genders lately. I've been able to be happy for them. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, especially those I care about. I've had to hide fb pages or avoid encounters with a few of my friends that have had girls recently but I sincerely was happy for them, just sad for me. Now, with this last friend, the only person I have really shared these deep dark gender disappointment feelings with, now I'm feeling very much alone.

I have less than 6 weeks before I meet my son. He will be my last. I am in a much better place than I was 16 weeks ago. I am happy for that. But, right now I'm trying to imagine the rest of my life, the life of a daughterless mother, and it seems so lonely and sad. I wish that I could just be happy with the gifts I've been given. I'd give anything to not feel this way.

head vs. heart - trying for a girl despite financial worries

Feeling_blue — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 18:42:44 GMT

I have been reading here for a while, but only just found the courage to sign up. Hi! I've been living in denial for quite some time, not allowing myself to feel GD. The truth is that after DS1 was born both my husband and I hoped for a girl. DS2 came along and although he is the sweetest, gentlest and most beautiful baby, I just cannot shake off that underlying feeling of emptiness. Eurgh, it pains me to write it down and I can't help crying.. I guess it is a mixture of guilt and longing for a girl that makes me feel quite depressed at times. DS2 is only 3 months old and here I am already toying with the idea of another baby. I co-sleep with him and carry him around in an ergo all day long, pretty sure its partly because I feel so guilty about GD. DH has overcome his disappointment and I don't think he is so keen on three kids. The thing is that we are financially pretty tight already. We live in a two bedroom apartment (in a very expensive city) and although we have everything we need, three children would probably mean a relocation and some serious financial adjustments... The other day I was going through newborn clothes and asked DH if I should bring them to goodwill (I knew he knew what I was really asking him) and he suggested to hang on to them... I guess we are both confused at the moment. And I guess we could just wait and see. I am 34, DH is 39 so there is a bit of room theoretically. But it did take me forever to become pregnant with DS1... Sorry for the incoherent rambling. I'm a bit of an emotional mess - signing up to this (awesome!) forum is my attempt at making some sense of my thoughts. Sorry also for the lengthy post... I guess my question is: is there anyone out there who went for another child despite financial worries...?! 'Just' to try for the gender they longed for? Just one more thing: you guys rock! Reading here has already helped me in so many ways! You made it so much easier for me to acknowledge my feelings of GD.

Pregnant with #3

Threebabes — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 15:02:59 GMT

I have two girls at home and pregnant again. I am praying for a boy but thinking it may be another girl. I know if I don't here the words boy at my gender ultrasound I will be so sad. I don't want to feel sad to have another girl. I love my girls but I would love to have a son too. This is my last baby so if I don't get my son I won't ever experience having a boy.

Shopping for dd 2 and tearful !!

mimijan — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 00:39:06 GMT

finally I decided to shop for new baby half heartedly ,couldn't believe myself shopping in baby girl department again .I was dreading this day since I got pregnant My dream proved to be true which I saw around 12 weeks of my pregnancy . I saw myself buying 2 exact same dresses of different sizes , one for the big dd and one a small size .u have no idea how many times I wiped my tears while trying to ignore boys clothes right next to me .dd1 was so excited and she found 2 shirts that say big sister and little sister .I felt like as if everyone was laughing at me. i have 0 excitement even after buying clothes .just feel like returning them .I cannot handle more pink in my house than this .WHY ME ??

Passing on all my blue baby dust to those who need it!

NatalillyC — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 12:06:41 GMT

I know how hard it is expecting to feel disappointed and horribly guilty all at the same time. I was lucky enough to avoid this as we are having the boy we hoped for. However, this I really tortured myself over it before we found out, going through the forums on this website I was just hoping that SOMEONE was going to tell me that I was definitely having a boy, even though I know it's not possible for someone to know for sure, I spend hours looking at nub pictures. Some of the best advice I have seen on here is to imagine all the good things about having the "undesired" gender. I imagined how lovely it would be to have 2 daughters growing up together close in age, and the mammoth shopping trips we could have with our female dominated family! I felt prepared to hear "girl". When the lady doing the scan said "boy" I wanted to jump out the chair thing and do a big dance, this is the feeling I would wish upon ANYONE who is hoping for a certain gender. Anyway, I know I'm probably talking rubbish but I hope every one of you get your pink/blue baby you desire.

Big Scan tomorrow afternoon

Silversoft — Mon, 17 Jun 2013 01:46:46 GMT

We have our big scan tomorrow afternoon. I already know there is a pink little bundle inside. Here I am praying that the M21 results were wrong and there is a little healthy boy inside ! Will update after the scan.

M21 Results Really In This Time

Really_Now — Sat, 15 Jun 2013 11:34:51 GMT

I was so scared to call but I managed to do it and, after two darling boys, they tell me it's a girl.

I am trying not to believe it in case they are wrong...and still picturing a little baby boy in there sometimes....but the baby is chromosomally healthy (well, 21, 13, and 18 are)...and she is probably a she.

I am beyond shocked. And ecstatic. And feeling a little bad that I am getting this when so many of you haven't gotten it yet...

Thanks for helping me through the wait. I can't believe they can tell you sex THIS early. I have a lot of pregnancy left and hope all goes well from here out.

What exactly am I missing??

Southern Butterfly — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 00:05:20 GMT

As I look around at my neighbors and friends I can't help but think "am I failing to see what I'm missing out on?". Would my life really be different if any one of my kids were a girl? Would I somehow be happier? Perhaps I'm naïve or just plain old oblivious but my honest answer to that is "no".

Looking around at my friends/neighbors with boys, girls or both I can't really find any differences. We all had our sleepless nights with our newborns, bragged about our cute baby pics on FB. We all cheer our kids on at their sports/activites, punish them for the same reasons, are happy for some quiet once they're off to school in the morning but wait excitedly at the bus stop to hear about their day in the afternoon. We have our crazy days where all the kids act up and quiet days where we start to get suspicious of the calm. We all have many of the same hopes and dreams for our kids. We'll excitedly help them prepare for college but worry like crazy once they're gone. We'll cry at our childrens' weddings and be smitten when holding our first grandbaby.

All of these milestones in life are what made me want children... and I will experience every single one of these despite having boys/girls. So what is it I'm missing out on? I can't see it. This is my life and my future and I couldn't be happier.

Could the ultrasound tech have been wrong? :-S

cutebabybump — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 14:43:09 GMT

So after wanting a baby girl and being convinced I was having a girl I was told at 19 week scan that she was 90% sure the baby was a boy. I was devastated and wrote a post about it on here, if any of you remember. Well i'm now 28 weeks and i'm not as sad or devastated, I came round to the idea of actually having a boy, not that it would ever take away the want for a girl as i'm sure a lot of you would know. There's just one thing, I still feel like i'm having a girl! I honestly believe deep within that this baby is a girl. I'm having dreams about her and seeing the name I would use for a girl pop up everywhere, like it's some kind of sign. People have gave me baby boy clothes and I feel like I shouldn't be accepting them because it feels wrong, like I won't have use for them :-S i've tried picking a boy name and just can't because it doesn't feel like I need it or something. I know a lot of you may think it's just me not letting go of wanting a girl and I honestly won't ever loose the desire to have one until I have one! I really did come round to having a boy and wasn't so annoyed but the past few weeks this has been happening and i'm starting to feel like maybe the babys cord was in the way or the little bit wasn't developed properly. Anybody any views on this?

Why does no one seem to want boys?

Children9 — Thu, 06 Jun 2013 21:43:46 GMT

I never knew this website existed, when I was having all my children, I have 1 son 19 yrs old then I had 7 daughters, then finally, another son! I ALWAYS wanted boys, I just think, sons and their mums just seemed so wonderful, I have been lucky enough to have both gender over the years, but after being on this site, I was so surprised to see that the majority want girls, I always thought boys were more preferred, I don't know why but I just did, it has opened my eyes and made me realise how lucky I am to have so many daughters, I would have been happy to have just been a boy mum, it was just the desire I had, I suppose that's what gender disappointment is, is your dreams of what u see as the perfect family, I see now how lucky I am x

Find out today! Requesting lots of blue baby dust!!

NatalillyC — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 08:51:33 GMT

Have your fingers and toes crossed for me!!

Has anyone waited to to tell people to late in the pregnancy?

mandz77 — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 15:36:27 GMT

With pregnancy #1(DS1) we told people as soon as we knew. With #2 & #3 we told people around 6 weeks, but I lost them both at 8 weeks. With #4 (DS2) we waited until week 10.

We also shared gender for both DS1 & DS2. Comments with DS2 were horrible... Basically I was told I would suffer with 2 boys

This time around I don't want to tell anyone until after the 20 week scan. This is mainly because I don't want to hear the negative comments. We also don't want to find out the sex this time, but I know we will get pressured to find out

I know my mum will be upset but the whole world will know 5 secs after I tell her. DH's mum will be upset, but mainly because we are having a third.

Has anyone waited till later? How did people react?

Team Green!... or not. Updated!

Sevenisenough — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 13:59:19 GMT

Here's the thing-I've been nubsessing to the point of insanity, and still can't see any sign of girl/boy parts. I was stressing over it last night and DH suggested going team green, as this will be our last baby, and for a bit of a change. HA!

I've been set on having a 15 week ultrasound to determine gender, waiting until birth never crossed my mind . I'm not known for having the best patience, although having seven kids under the age of nine sure has helped. I don't think I could wait, but I've been thinking about it the idea seems more and more appealing. This is our last baby for sure, and it might be nice to wait. But then I question whether it would be better to know now and have time to prepare. I can't find an answer to this, its driving me nuts! Team green or find out gender now? what did you all do?

This waiting game is the worst. My poor DD3 is also having surgery tomorrow, probably the reason I've been going insane, stressing and snapping all over the place.

Thanks for letting a hormonal pregnant lady rant!

Shock - 3girls now unexpectedly pregnant again!

bambino4onway — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 16:37:50 GMT

I will start at the beginning I have been with my husband since we were 17. I accidentally fell pregnant 6months later - my mum found out and basically forced me to have a termination (not physically, but she mentally manipulated me into it). My husband (boyfriend at time) was a star and so supportive, but us both being so young we just went with what we were told to do. I then went on to pass my exams and got into University at 18. However, i struggled to get over what I had done and spent every day for a year waking up with it as my first thought. I did manage to get on with day to day things though, passed first year. However, I hated University - went into 2nd year but missed my boyfriend like crazy. We became lazy with contraception when we did meet up, so obviously fell pregnant. I went on to have my amazing daughter, fast forward almost ten years and I have 3 amazing,gorgeous daughters aged 10, 7 and 5. I love all my children, would never change them and am thankful they are healthy and happy. I had slight disappointment with dd 2 - had a gender scan with dd3. I cried after I found out as I so hoped for a boy (feel so guilty about that now). I think I have always thought the baby at 17 was a boy? so me and hubby decided no more as we were getting so focused on a boy, that it was not fair. He recently went on waiting list for vasectomy. I also returned to study 3 years ago and in my final year of degree - I also work 20hrs a week now in my girls' school. Its been lovely working a bit and having fun with my family. BUT, I have fallen pregnant again!! Using contraception, so I am in such a shock. I am now almost 10weeks and all my emotions about that termination, gender disappointment have come back. I was happy with our 3 girls - my husband only ever wanted 1 child, a boy. My head is a mess and part of me is so desperate for my husband to have a boy. He adores our girls and is a fantastic dad and man though. Anyone else going through similar?

EGD - need help urgently

Ohmyitstwins — Fri, 31 May 2013 20:52:22 GMT

Warning - this is EGD, but I am new and can't get into that forum yet. But I need help. Urgently.

I had GD, maybe even EGD, with my first DS. Now I am expecting twins. One for sure a boy, the other highly likely a boy. I am 13 weeks.

I am strongly considering selective reduction if both boys. Yes, my GD is that bad. Three kids is my limit and I SHOULD HAVE DONE PGD THIS TIME but didn't. Huge regret. If I reduce one, maybe I can do PGD or adopt a DD in the future.

Yet I worry I will always feel guilty and regret and it'll worsen my existing depression. My DH is against SR, but willing to go through with it because I am so depressed and barely functioning. Please help me...any words of wisdom?

Due in a week...having a boy... Why is everyone around me having girls???

Suenchris — Sat, 15 Jun 2013 04:08:35 GMT

Hello everyone! I posted on here a few times about my gd.. No one understand how I feel except you all and probably my mom. So just a quick background of me. I'm having my first child in a week and it's a boy! Before I found out I was strongly hoping and feeling that it was a girl and so were a lot of people! When I found out it was a boy I was very depressed bc I am an extreme girly girl!!!! Love anything pink, sparkly, was a cheerleader, etc. I have an extremely close relationship with my mom!!!! i cried for about a week when I found out it was a boy bc if my extremely strong desire to have a girl. My in laws were no help saying things like well as long as he's healthy and oh we can't seem to make girls in this family (my husband is one of three boys) the only two people that were understanding was my mom and my best friend. My husband kept saying how horrible I was and what a terrible person I am which obviously didn't help me. Fast forward till now I was getting used to the fact ok I'm going to have a boy. But in all honestly, the clothes are so boring and just not interesting to me. Which brings me to tonight. My very close friend had her gender reveal party tonight at her house. Now I have put in my head from the moment I found out she was pregnant that it was going to be a girl. Everyoneeeeee around me right now is having girls, friends on Facebook, all the women at my job, everyone it seems. So tonight at the party she releases the balloons and surprise surprise she's having a girl!!!!!!! I knew it! When j saw the balloons I'm like of course she has a girl. Then some people bought her clothes and she starts taking them out and it's killing me. After I congratulated her she apologized to me bc she knew how bad I wanted a girl! What kills me is the fact that she's very fashionable and her daughter is going to be dressed in all these cute clothes and bows and headbands!!!!! And when she has parties, it's going to be all pink and girly and when I have parties it will be all sports and superheroes, things I have no interest in at all!!! Then we started joking around about how protective my friends husband will be of the girl and how he won't let her go to prom and then I start thinking how she gets to go prom dress shopping with her daughter and wedding dress shopping and I just feel I will never get to do that. It just sucks that I'm dealing with this a week before I'm due!! Obviously I'm excited to meet my son but it just kills me that everyone around me and now my really close friend is having a girl! And not to be dramatic but people tell me all the time oh you'll get ur girl don't worry and honestly I'm Very nervous that it's not in the cards for me and I'm never going to have my little girl and have the close mother daughter bond I have with my mom!!! I know everything happens for a reason and maybe there is a reason I'm having a boy first!!! And also what I get nervous about is the autism rate is a lot higher with boys. My sister works with autistic children and the amount of boys in their school compared to girls is insane! They have maybe 3 girls in the whole school and the rest boys so that really makes me nervous. Thank you ladies for listening and letting me vent!!!!

Feeling guilty, preparing for disappointment

NatalillyC — Tue, 21 May 2013 14:05:59 GMT

IT'S A BOY!!! am currently 16 weeks pregnant and have an 18 month old daughter. For my first pregnancy I really wanted a boy and did suffer a degree of disappointment when I found out I was having a girl, but as I knew we would have more children it didnt last too long and I was excited for my baby girl. Now this is my second (and final) pregnancy, and I am so desperate for a boy I just know i'll end up having a girl as these things never seem to go my way! I have posted my nub pic on the other forum and everyone said boy. One of the "experts" did say that there would be no surprises either way but was leaning boy. The no surprises either way part really go to me. I am now scared I placed too much faith in the nub theory and expected to have a boy that not only will I be disappointed with a girl, but it'll be a shock aswell.

When people ask me what I would like I say "oh I don't mind at all", but in my head im thinking "boy! boy! boy!". Occasionally I even tell people I want a girl, so that if we are having a girl I won't have to cover my disappointment as much as people will think that a girl is what I wanted (and if we had a boy there would be no mistaking the happiness I would have). I feel so guilty about this, especially as my little girl means the absolute world to be, I am scared I would not feel the same way about another girl, knowing I have no more shots at a boy.

I don't really know what I am expecting you to say, just needed to get this off my chest as I am scared to tell family and friends incase they think I am selfish.

Thanks for reading.

Unfair!!!!

EmileeJane — Sat, 15 Jun 2013 18:57:14 GMT

Hi gals&guys- I was doing really well for a couple weeks . Not comparing my family to others and feeling okay with my 2 sons. Today I just found out a good client of mine is expecting a baby girl (has a 4ry old boy at home). Of course she's thrilled talking about all the things she'll get for her girl and the experiences they'll have as mother and daughter. . . I don't blame her I'd be thrilled too. I just always wanted daughters, 2 daughters. After my first son I was disappointed but felt like I might get her next time. My youngest is now 16wks and we waited to find out(which I regret in hindsight- since I'm still struggling the loss of my girl). Any way I just get jealous like a child when other people around me get what they want. I feel angry and sad wondering why I don't get what I REALLY wanted. My oldest son is almost 4 and EXTREMELY difficult! He's a lot like me I guess. I am terrified to have 2 boys with strong personalities. I have my own burried reasons for my fear of raising boys. But I hate when people tell me how difficult and emotional girls can be and boys are easier. Uh yeah right!!! Not so in my case. My baby is too soon to tell personality wise though he seems more mellow. My 3yr old is lucky we are not hamsters, I may have already eaten him;) Just sad of not getting my way(yes just like my 3yr old) I want to stop and yell! Just not fair!!! Thanks for listening to my rant!!!

7 weeks till due date and team yellow.

Willow87 — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 17:55:05 GMT

I am excited to meet my first little one but im also so scared. I want everthing to go well and for me and baby to be ok and healthy. But im also scared on how I will react if baby is indeed a little boy. I cant imagine being upset but then I know hormones can make you very sensitive.. My nub wasnt clear and therefore no great guesses on what it could be. I got mainly boy guesses do to it not really being girly. I know I still have a chance in this baby being a girl but really is hope a good thing? Its all been up and down really. More up though! Hubby's family have really annoyed me. They go on as if there is no chance this baby is a girl. They haven't really done much for this baby. Oh but sister in law seems to have more of a chance of a girl I guess because they seem more interested in her pregnancy then mine. I guess I want a girl to prove them all wrong. But I doubt it will happen. Even hubby who was the optimistic one has now been convinced that its a boy.. Its made me feel like yep, thats it then. Baby boy for us. Grandson number 4. Really other people make it so much worse. Then my gut feelings get to me. People say a mothers intuation is pretty accurate and I am so sure its a boy! Even thinking and looking at girl clothes feels wrong. Anyone here who was so sure they were having a certain gender and turned out to be wrong? I also worry a bit about the future. If this is a boy, will I ever get my girl? Luckily its our first so we have a few more tries lol. I am happy to be mama to this baby. He/she will be so loved. I keep looking at my nub pics but man I cant spot anything that looks like a boy/girl nub. I do hope baby is a girl but if it isnt, then oh well. He will be my very much loved and wanted baby.