Gender Disappointment

Please tell me to get a grip !!!!

cinnabuns — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:48:10 GMT

Hi ladies, i have three girls age 8,6,4 and is currently 16 weeks pregnant again. My U/S is on the 20th of december. I took a intelligender test today and it said another girl, i sat there and cried.Can these test be wrong or iam i stuck with another girl. I know i need to get a grip and stop acting stupid, but that will be FOUR girls. I really thought i was having a boy by my symptoms, and my husband really really really wanted a boy.

My friends had a mother/daughter play date

Smommy — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:40:33 GMT

I saw the pics on FB. They didn't event tell me it was happening. Some of these people wouldn't even know each other if it wasn't for me WTF???

There were 4 moms who met just 5 minutes from my house and they dressed their dd's like princesses and had a tea party. One of the mom's had a baby that was only 4 months old. I can''t tell you how much it hurt me to see this. I feel so excluded. Also, they used these old espresso cups that I gave to one of my friends dd's because she really liked them and loved to play with them when she came to my house. AND MY ESPRESSO CUPS WERE THERE IN THE PHOTOS MOCKING ME. My dd should be playing with them.

And all the captions and the comments for the photos....god they hurt. I don't even want to go there.

I know I am being irrational. I wouldn't want to be there even if I was invited. Also, they do have the right to get together and celebrate having daughters if they so please. But here it goes again, there is a division. If you don't have a dd you don't belong to the girl club. Thanks ladies. Now that you posted your fun on FB I hear that loud and clear.

One of these ladies checks IG frequently so I wouldn't be suprised if she saw this but I don't give a rats ass anymore.

When did you first feel your baby ?

May2010 — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 19:21:39 GMT

Hay everyone Happy Friday!!

I was wondering I am 14 weeks and i have not felt my lil move just yet[:'(]

this is my second pregnancy they say u feel it faster than your first i felt my boy at 17 weeks .... and i know this is a silly question but does the gender of the baby have anything to do with how fast you feel them ? I wanna feel my baby !

Life isn't fair

ShyLove — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:13:43 GMT

So I'm due March 1st with a little boy. I wanted a girl so bad. I seriously cry all the time because he's a boy. Well my cousins wife is due March 27 and they wanted a boy as badly as I wanted a girl. Well guess what. They just found out they are having a girl! He made jokes that maybe we should trade. I really wish that was an option :(

Gender Disappointment Article

berberry06 — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:07:45 GMT

Just Sharing....

http://www.parentdish.com/2009/11/18/gender-disappointment-when-parents-dont-get-the-child-they-wan/?icid=main|main|dl1|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.parentdish.com%2F2009%2F11%2F18%2Fgender-disappointment-when-parents-dont-get-the-child-they-wan%2F

If you had GD with baby #1...

starlight1600 — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 22:40:45 GMT

How long did it take you to "get over it?"

It's been about 2 months since I found out gender, and I am still having a very, very difficult time with GD. I find myself researching HT methods for baby #2 in all my spare time. But really, I'd like to just feel happy in the here-and-now...and "into" this pregnancy. I worry my GD will drag on and on, even after my DS is born. I can't imagine how horrible that would be. What have your experiences been?

Do you ever worry your GD can hurt your baby?

starlight1600 — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 17:30:12 GMT

Through stress, depression, not taking care of yourself as well (lack of appetite, lack of exercise, not talking to womb, etc)?

I worry about this all the time.

still not over it

pixieaj — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:23:53 GMT

My son is now 14 months old...and yet i still think about wanting a girl nearly every day....Especially now that many people i know are having their second babies already...

I am scared to even try for a second baby because i know i will be crushed if i have another boy...

What make things worse is my sister is trying for another baby and she is trying for a girl...if she has a girl i will be extremely jealous and i feel like i will be guaranteed to have another boy ( i know it sounds crazy but my siblings kids have gone in order of girl, boy, girl, boy, girl, boy (my son)

I hate feeling this way

have a boy and getting another

flgurl — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:22:27 GMT

Just found out yesterday that I am having another boy. Words cannot describe my disappointment. I love my 4 year old son and wouldn't trade hom for the world! I have always wanted a baby girl, and I was so scared to have another boy thats why we waited so long for baby #2. I feel so disconnected from this pregnancy. I don't want to shop for it, I just want to ignore it like it isn't even there. When I told my family I was having a boy, it was one of the hardest parts. Youget comments like, good luck!, or Oh i really thought this one was going to be a girl. I havent even called to tell my grandmother yet cause she only ever cares about the girl babies. My husband doesn't get it either! He was disappointed it wasn't a girl, but was happy to have another son. This is my last pregnancy, and I can't believe this the cards I have been dealt. But the worst part is having to act like nothing is wrong, pretending to be happy. I just want to curl up in bed and never leave. I don't want to eat, I don't want to do anything. Seeing other families with a boy and a girl just makes me breakdown, how did they get so lucky is what I ask myself. Will I ever get over this? I want to love this baby so bad but it is so hard right now.

I can't get over my GD

NinaK — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:40:47 GMT

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Hello, this is the first post I ever write here. I’m having a real hard time with my GD. Whenever I think that I’m finally over it something happens that sets me back and shows me that I was never even close to getting over it.

I have 3 beautiful girls and worked on trying for a boy using all these different natural methods from diet to timing intercourse to douching - basically the Shettles method. This pregnancy is so different from my previous ones that I thought it was a boy for sure. I had severe morning sickness which I never experienced before with the girls. On the 16^th week U/S the doctor told me she couldn’t see for sure but it looked like a girl. I went to the car with my husband and cried, I felt fooled by the way this pregnancy was and by everything that I tried. My husband was better than me, he was a little disappointed but quickly got over it and decided that he will love her just the same as her sisters, me on the other hand, am not so sure. I am now at 27 weeks and I don’t feel any connection with the baby. I don’t even care what to name her.

I try not to share my true feelings with any1 except my husband because I don’t want to be judged. When my mother found out I was feeling GD she played the guilt card on me and went ahead and told my sisters and aunt which I didn’t appreciate, they are my feelings and they were private. My husband can’t deal with my GD anymore and I’m afraid I have no one else to turn to. My best friend is also pregnant and she’s due a couple of weeks after I am. She has a girl and didn’t have a preference for her 2^nd baby and of course it’s a boy. I am happy for her, but I am sad for me. This was my last try and it failed. My husband thinks we should try one more time but what if it’s a 5^th girl??? I just want to give up and not try anymore but that means that we’ll be a family without a son. My girls are all Daddy’s little girls and I’m never gonna have my Momma’s boy.

I know that I’m lucky to be able to have babies and that others try and try with no luck but I can’t help it. I’m trying to get by a day at a time but I’m just not happy. I turned to the internet to find help to see why I am experiencing those feelings and I came across this forum. Reading some posts made me feel a little better and got me to write my own. It really does help to know that I’m not the only one who has these feelings.

7yrs old, 5yr old twins , girl # 4 due March 1st

DH and I had a huge fight!

SweetPs — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:19:04 GMT

Heres the deal.....I never had GD with DS1 or DS2, but I am not willing to risk having another DS if we tried for a third. I love my boys more than anything in this entire world! If we had another child and it was indeed another DS, the comments from others would be too much for me to handle ("you tried for the girl and got another boy" "another boy, poor you" "you gonna keep trying till you get the girl?") I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about.Although I would love and adore another boy, just as much as mu first 2, I coulden't deal with the comments and eye rolls I know I would get. So......I was trying to explain this to my DH and he said "well, you don't know that it won't be a girl if we ttc another." I told him that it isn't worth the gamble to me. He also has 2 DS from a previous marriage. So then I said "I don't think you make girls (I have said this on more than one occasion)" He told me that he dosn't want to hear anymore about having a DD because he feels that I am rubbing in the fact that I feel he can't make girls. He is seriously pissed!I Right now, HT is not an option since we can't rationalize a $20,000 gamble. Although going HT would be the only way I would have another DC.

Don't get me wrong, I love, love, love, love my boys, they are my everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am just really sad right now, I am realizing I will most likely never have a DD and I always pictured raising both genders and the fighting with DH just makes things worse.

Why am I doing this to myself???

mommy_3_boys — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:30:56 GMT

Maybe someone who has BTDT can help me. I am driving myself crazy.

I am four weeks away from having my fourth baby. I have three boys and have been told on three separate scans (20, 22 and 26 weeks) that its a girl. Two of the scans were done at a maternal fetal which have to be reliable machines since it is a place that closely monitors high risk pregnancies. Two doctors and a two techs assured me its a girl.

Why am I having such a hard time just being happy? I have been obsessively reading the archives here on the site and have heard of so many people getting a shock at delivery. I just want to be happy and believe it but I can't. I will not lie. If the baby comes out a boy I will be devastated. I have let myself somewhat believe it now. If is a boy I will be sent into a downward spiral even though I will love him with all my heart. Also I will not be able to face ANYONE. People have been sending and making me cute girl things and so many people are very happy for me including my oldest DS. He would be absoultely crushed as well.

I have tried to be happy and believe its true. I have over-analyzed the "toilet shot" from 26 weeks and even posted it here and they all thought girl. I can't even call the baby a "she" because I am scared they are all wrong. I always say "baby". I am even packing a neutral sleeper for the hospital. I even hesitated to pick a name. I can't explain it. Its like if I fully believe it it won't be true.

I just was hoping that someone on here had something to offer me. If not, it helps to get this all out. I feel like I am just crazy. Why can't I just believe??? Thanks for reading.

So I lied today and....

starlight1600 — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 22:07:56 GMT

Someone asked me if I was having a boy or girl. I lied, said I didn't know. She (no kids) said, "You aren't finding out!!" Ohh, I hope you don't have a boy. If you have a boy, you should put him back." I pretended to smile.

SERIOUSLY? It's like rubbing GD in to the core.

Do you ever wonder how different your pregnancy would be if you were having DG?

starlight1600 — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:11:37 GMT

I think I would be ON TOP OF THE WORLD if I were having a DD. I can't even imagine how happy I would be every morning when I woke, every time I looked in the nursery, in conversations with others about the baby.

Oh, to feel that way.

I really feel robbed of that experience.

Instead.... I fake smiles when I talk about having my DS, half-heartedly create a nursery, grudgingly think about names. Sadly, I don't feel that connected to this pregnancy. I don't feel like singing or reading to my belly. I just don't. I really wish I did.

I just wonder WHAT IF and feel such primal jealously. I wish it would go away.

Swayed for a boy and got a.....

cwynj — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 04:04:07 GMT

GIRL. This is DD #2 for us and we have both decided two kids is the max for us (we have pretty busy careers and live in an expensive city). We didn't go too crazy on the diet but did eat mostly meat and potatoes, did it ds, used preseed and robitussin, were in Leo sign (masculine) and we were in the right moon phase. Also drank caffeine, had cold shower/bs bath before and propped hips etc....we ended up doing it on o day but also right through o as well as two days before o as we have been trying for six months and just wanted another child by that point!

I had a very strong feeling it was a girl for over a month now. I was surprised that there was actually zero disappointment when my dr told us. Dr has two boys and def has some gd....even made the comment about how some people got all the girls...little did she know we swayed in the other direction. I do think DH is a bit disappointed but he loves DD very much and is so close with her....he is happy with his "two little ladies."

I made the decision to go to Pottery Barn and buy a bunch of pink for my new baby as well as some sweet outfits.....I actually looked over at the blue side and did not feel wistful but comfortable and happy with the side I am already familiar with.

I did have two friends make rude comments...one gf "are you sure? oh.....I soooo thought it was a boy...maybe it's too early" (ie no congrats) and the other friend actually said she was disappointed and wanted me to have a boy (she has pigeon pair)....

All in all, I feel happy tonight.....I heard the song "Unanswered Prayers" by Garth Brooks and it made me feel emotional....I do think God knew what was right for our family!

Skerred of another one!

LynnSB — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:58:35 GMT

I have a sweet, wonderful little girl who I really couldn't imagine my life without. The sun literally rises and sets on her. Yet, I still can't shake my desire to have a boy. I grew up with only brothers so I was always into the guy stuff. My husband comes from a family of all boys, so naturally when I became pregnant with DD#1, I just assumed it would be a boy. I was already dreading my 20 week ultrasound fearing the u/s tech telling us we were having a girl, and sure enough when she said ''oh yeah, it's definitely a girl', I may have thrown up a little bit in my mouth. I wasn't devestated of course, since she was our first baby, knowing that we would have one more. I love her more than I could have ever had dreamed of. But here I am, pregnant with #2 and still hoping that this will be the boy I've always thought I would have. My DH was very upset when he found out that our 'he' was going to be a 'she' but now he is the one hoping that #2 will also be a girl. I was never close to my mom growing up so I already have a hard time envisioning shopping with my daughter when she's older and don't know how I will handle another girl. Don't sisters fight and steal each others stuff? Ugh, that's a scary thought, a house full of estrogen. I know I will love this baby even if it does have a hoo-ha, but I can't deny that I'm scared!

Little boys CAN be so sweet

iansusie — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 05:43:24 GMT

I have 2 and a lot of days have bad gd wishing for a girl but today I wanted to post some sweet things they have said. My oldest (4yrs old) told me a few months ago "Mommy, Thanks you, for giving me Jack, that was the best gift ever. I love him so much, he is my best friend and all thanks to YOU mommy, you are the best". He always says "mommy, dolls are not my favorite but if you want to I will play dolls with you". I bought snow white blu ray recently very cheap, just to have and both will ask me (youngest is 2) to watch it and the 4yr old asked if we can buy Enchanted, sleeping beauty, the beauty and the beast and cinderella, "I know they are girl movies but it is ok, we will watch them with you cause you always watch our boy movies with us and it is only fair that we sometimes do stuff you like mommy!" My 4yr old is in a half day K program and next year he wants to stay home with me, cause "I don't want to be far from you mom", (my sil homeschools) "we can do school at home like auntie, and have play time and snack time and story time and then I can help you clean and cook and we can be best friends"

My 2yr old, says a lot of stuff but the ones about me are "momma, momma, I wuv you" and smiles... "momma you want pink baoon" (his jibberish for balloon) and the big hugs and kisses those I get from both but for some reason the ones from the little one are oh just soooooooo sweet. Maybe because the oldest is good with words....

Friend found out gender of her baby four days ago...

Melpomene — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 03:15:34 GMT

and she hasn't called me. SO is it safe to assume she is having a girl?

I think I feel worse that she is afraid to tell me than that I am actually going to have yet another friend that is having a daughter.

DO I just look that pathetic having only boys? I feel ..... I don;t know what I feel . Pathetic , I guess just really pathetic.

I think she would have called if it was a boy. I have known her for years and she is even going to make me god mother to one of her children.

I don't speak of gender disappointment to my real life friends. I mean she knows that I was slightly disappointed finding out DS2 was not a girl but I made it sound like I was totally over it after the initial shock wore off. THat was five years ago.

She calls me practically every day.

I know she wanted a boy and was convinced it had to be a boy because a psychic told her it was and the fact her husband is to masculine to father a daughter . Weird I know.

Article on GD

BoyBoyBoyBoy — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:59:45 GMT

http://www.parentdish.com/2009/11/18/gender-disappointment-when-parents-dont-get-the-child-they-wan/?icid=main|htmlws-main-n|dl3|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.parentdish.com%2F2009%2F11%2F18%2Fgender-disappointment-when-parents-dont-get-the-child-they-wan%2F

It was on my aol welcome screen. It said

Little-Known Issue
Plaguing Mothers

They Rarely Say It Out Loud Because
They Fear Being Judged: Taboo Topic

so when i clicked on it i didn't even know it was GD. I really don't think it says much but I fifured it was worth posting here. oh well.

Are any of you....???

pixie97 — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 19:30:34 GMT

Are any of you with GD or EGD still clinging to the delusional idea the the ultrasound tech is wrong?

I have to admit that I am, I have to have another ultrasound monday, I was dreading the ultrasound because I don't want to see this boy child ever...but then I was like well I'm just going to make her check again. I am sooo hoping they are wrong! Desperately hoping. If they tell me boy again I'm wondering if I'm going to have the same meltdown all over again that I had this past Monday or if my logical side which is hardly existent will kick in with an I told you so?!?!

What kind of DH do you have?

MyDreamBabi — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:24:28 GMT

Just wondering what kind of DH everyone has...

[Poll]

So afraid

May2010 — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:03:31 GMT

Hi everyone, My name is Melissa

I am 14 weeks today with my second child I have a 7 yr old boy and my husban has a 4 yr old daughter both our children are from previouse marriges and i am very happy with my son, I really Honestly can say from the bottom of my heart that what ever i am having will be fine with me i have sooo much fun with my boy and i love him to death .. and if i had a girl i am soo sure it would be the same .... so i dont have a prefrence ... BUT!!!!! my hubby is flipping out ... he tells me the story of the day he found out he was having a girl and how it broke his heart .... dont get me rong he loves her with all of his heart but the gender did disapoint him ..... now our DR told us that bassed on a study they did Between 5-7 weeks if the babys heart beat was highrt than 150 it was a girl and if it was lower it was a boy at that time our babys heart rate was 142 bpm ....now he is counting down the days to our next DR appointment on dec 3 .. and i am looseing sleep over this im sooo affraid to dissapoint him .. i know how bad he wants a boy and i keep having this dream that the dr tells us we are having a girl and he starts to cry ....OH GOD !!!!!!!!! i have this pain in the pit of my stomach ... i just cant wait to get over this appointment anyone have any advise pleaaaassssseeee Helpppppppppppppppppppp

xoxoxoxox good luck to all the mommies to be xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo

Shaniya Davis....so sad

christalapril — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 03:31:01 GMT

We always say on here that women that don't deserve children have them. I would love a daughter this bitch gets one and prostitutes her 5 year old daughter. How sick is she I wish I could beat the S%%t out of her. So many of us sway or go HT and can't get desired gender or even worse some us are infertile. Any dog can give birth but it takes a real woman/man to be a parent.

I just wanted to vent.. who is attracted to children boys or girls she is 5 for freaking sakes not a 18 year old woman. She was a cutie. RIP

Who is having a BOY and its baby #1?????

starlight1600 — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:26:47 GMT

Just wondering who all is in my same boat. How are you feeling? Any GD?

I guess I am not meant to have a son.....

bummingover#2 — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:12:13 GMT

Where to begin.....

Hi everyone, I'm new to this group and I would first like to say that by reading about others who are actually experiencing the same type of feelings as I am has really helped a lot. So, I'm grateful to have stumbled upon this board, and it's nice to meet all of you.

Went for my 20 week ultrasound on Tuesday and discovered we are having girl #2. My husband and I wanted a boy so badly. It's ironic, because by skimming through some of the posts on here I've noticed that there are many of you who are/were hoping for that girl, and while I can tell you that, yes, having a daughter is fun and I agree there are a lot of many other factors that make having a girl so special, there is still something to be said about the gift that you've already given your husband/partner, the bond between a father and his son(s)...and this is where I think I'm struggling the most.

Now, don't get me wrong my husband would walk to the end of the earth for his little girl and I believe he will do the same for the new baby as well. But this is going to be our last one, and knowing that he wanted a boy and will never have one has made me feel like I've really let him down. Ever since Tuesday I've been constantly second guessing myself with thoughts such as what if we conceived on a different day, or what if we tried a different position (sorry TMI), or what if by my husband having a beer on the day that we conceived affected the outcome etc etc etc. It probably all sounds so silly, I know. But it's like I can't stop beating myself up over this in my head. Another thing that drives me insane is when someone will say, "Oh, as long as you're carrying a healthy baby that should be all that matters." Well, DUH, as mothers of course we are fortunate to have discovered that our babies appear to be healthy and normal during that big 20 week anatomy scan. That goes without saying! But is it so wrong to still wish for a certain gender? So, I refuse to feel guilty about it anymore. I did feel guilty when the technician said those dreaded words, "I am seeing 3 lines" and my heart literally felt like it dropped right onto the floor. Then when she left the room at the end and I started sobbing my eyes out (as my husband is feeding that exact same "as long as she is healthy" line to me).

But now, I'm just left feeling frustrated and not even excited anymore. And if one more friend tells me that I'm "so lucky" to already have everything that I can re-use for this baby and that I don't have to buy anything...UGH! Doesn't that drive you crazy when you hear that comment?! That is what I was looking forward to most, shopping for completely different clothes and bedding this time around. I'm just really disappointed that I won't get to experience raising both genders. Plus, my brother already has a daughter and they are finished having kids. So I also feel like I've cheated the grandparents out of having a grandson. Of course my parents seemed thrilled and genuinely excited when they l found out...but really, what are they going to say, "oh great just what we need another granddaughter"??

My daughter and I are also very close, we do all of the mother/daughter things and I am now having these feelings of not wanting to share that bond with another girl. That sounds so incredibly awful to even type...ugh. On the other hand, she wanted a little sister so badly, and was thrilled beyond words when she discovered that she is getting her wish; although, at 3 years old I'm sure she would have adapted regardless...but it's sort of helping me cope that at least I didn't let someone down!

Anyway, thanks for listening. And for those of you struggling with wanting a girl but keep getting boys, I'm hoping you will find at least a little bit of comfort in knowing that I would have given ANYTHING to hear those words "its a boy" during the ultrasound!

Best of luck to everyone.