Deleted

Deleted

Deleted,

peaches im so glad you are starting to feel a bit better. i hope my post didn't come off the wrong way. you are 100% entitled to want as many girls as you can handle. just like i will always want my little man to get a baby brother. it wasn't meant to sound like that sweetie. i felt a bit attacked there and i let some things get to me. i do apoligize. im so sorry for your miscarriage, i know sometimes a miscarriage can hurt as badly as anything i went through. i can tell you adore your boys and i know they have a wonderful mother who was just having a bad week. we've all been there.it will get better.

Hi Peaches1976,

thank you for taking the time to address all the posts individually. You sound so much better than I was when I was pregnant with my 3rd son. To answer your question. No, I never spoke to a therapist. I was even too depressed to do that, so you are really much much smarter than I was back then. Even going there with your husband is a wonderful idea. My depression lasted the entire pregnancy and then when he was born....... well, unfortunately, it was not the same as when my second son was born. I was sad that my second child was a boy and didn't enjoy the rest of that pregnancy either, but when my second son was born.....it was love at first sight. He was beautiful, gorgeous, amazing and I clicked with him right away. He still is closer to me than my other 2 sons. Back to my third son. It was not that great when he was born, I was still hormonal and a little depressed, but it was better than before. He was healthy and now I had to focus on him, scheduling his health check ups and immunization appointments, finding the formula that he did best with etc....... all that on top of my 2 other sons. I got really busy, but in a good way. Except from one rude nurse at the hospital "awe, you guys don't know how to make girls" she said.... everybody else I met was nice. There was another nurse who had 3 boys and another mom with 3 sons at a doctor's appointment. Even parents who adopted a second son. I met lots of boy parents. However, there was my very best friend.....pregnant with a girl after a boy and that still made me depressed. Turns out she had another boy and is very happy. It's only her second, but the way she reacted to her dream daughter turning into a boy was amazing. It helped me once again. Today I'm still hurting over the daughter I still don't have, but I love my third son. He is my little guy and it's nice to have 3 kids, especially since my 2nd is closest to me. Now it's easier for my first son to deal with it. It doesn't bother him, it never really did, but now there's another boy to cuddle and to love. There are moments in everyday life that still get to me and make me angry. I see so many people who get to have one of each. It's not their fault, but it annoys me. Still an abortion would not have solved my GD for I would have felt guilty and always known that I actually have 3 boys, just strangers would have thought I have 2 boys only, but I would still know the truth and an abortion would not have changed it. I would have always have 3 sons if he was here or in heaven. If I had the abortion I would have been scared for the rest of my life that something will happen to my other sons as a punishment. Anyways, you sound so much better and smarter than I was back then. You will make the best decision for you and your family. I can already tell. Take care hun!

 

Peaches1976:

To avoid people feeling sorry for me during pregnancy, I will say nothing about the gender and try to ignore the "this time it's a girl"-comments. If it gets too bad, I will try to take a sick leave and just stay hidden from the world until the baby is born. Then I won't have to deal with stupid co-workers until my maternity leave is over. Then, hopefully I will have fallen in love with my little boy and defend him with my life as I would the other two.

I know I am very blessed in all areas of life, so I have no right to feel this way. But even my perfectionist-intelligent mind can't control this depression.

............ Peaches - Thank you for writing us each back, there are a LOT of people who've been thinking about you. A first sign of a lifting depression is that you even WANT to be out of the depression, which sounds like where you are. You know more 'dark days' are ahead, but to even want to see the sunlight again - to even be thinking about coping strategies - is so much healthier and AMAZINGLY STRONG from where you were days ago......... One of the key coping strategies is what you've already learned - you MUST GET YOUR SLEEP. If you need to hire help, or take a weekend away with a girlfriend, do it. Lack of sleep can be the greatest curse for an intelligent mind, and can rob you of all your normal defenses. Your husband - how sounds FANTASTIC - will help you out in this, he needs to be the primary caregiver right now while you recuperate....... I have several coping strategies I use when I see families with girls (when I'm in a GD state). The best strategy is just to ignore, if I can. One is to be ridiculously happy and involved with my own son (whether that's real or pretend at first, it doesn't matter). One is to tell myself I have no idea what their life is really life - I could step into their shoes and find it a total misery. And lastly, I use the same strategy I use with my son - I distract myself. A great song playing in the car while I dance along, or watching a movie, or a nice chai tea latte :) -- those are my favorite distractions....... As for the comments people may say about you being pregnant - you just BEAT THEM TO ANY PUNCH. Be the happiest, most excited, pregnant lady they've ever seen. I've heard no gender comments so far in this pregnancy, hopefully as a result. I just say "I'm thrilled, it's a wonderful time for our family," and then immediately distract the conversation to something else. If they ask, I tell people I'm not finding out the gender (the truth, but I'd tell them that even if I knew what it is), and say immediately, "I just don't care, so it'll be fun to have the surprise" - and again, change the topic of conversation. And if someone DID say a nasty gender comment to me, I'd look at them like they have 4 eyes and act incredulous. I just act like I'm the happiest woman on the face of the earth. Because 1) they don't have any business knowing that I'm not, 2) I feel much better when I'm 'stronger' in these interactions, 3) these interactions are RIDICULOUS, and mean nothing at all to the people commenting to me. They'll forget the conversation in minutes, so why in the world should I ruin my day/month/year from their stupidity and ignorance??........ Will send more when I think of them. Thinking of you!!

I also wanted to post some of the quotes I've been collecting over the years from this site, and the 'rising above GD' forum too. These came from smart women and really helped me. I unfortunately didn't take down the usernames - so I'm asking for forgiveness in advance for using these unattributed! (ps - if anyone can tell me how to add paragraph breaks to my post (?) thank you!) Quote 1) It still took me till just recently to feel that I have felt that I am 100% over my GD. I'm so happy though to be there. It's frustrating in life that we can't give the lessons we've learned to others and that they have to learn them for themselves (and some people never learn it). I hope you find peace and healing................ Quote 2) Then again some days my mind wanders off.... to buying a new house,returning to work and what I could do next in my career, where I could take my kids on holiday and I realise.... I forget about the gender of my kids and just return to normal life. I believe that my GD is not really related to the gender of my kids, but more so with something I am or have become obsessed about. What you write sounds perfectly plausible... the minute we actually get busy with other stuff, the disappointment disappears............. Quote 3) I think time really helps, and perhaps most importantly, getting busy busy busy with other things in your life - a good job or part-time work, friends, planning holidays, realizing who you are and figuring out your own self-worth is not directly tied to what the gender make up of your family is, but whether you are a good person, a kind person, engaged in the world, interested and excited by life, and committed to being the best partner and parent you can be.......... Quote 4) But im at a different stage in my life now, as my children have all grown up.I pity all of you going through this, as i really understand where your coming from! It is much harder when you are at the child bearing age cause everyone you know is popping out kids as well,but just remember there will be a time when it will all stop!, they wont be having kids for the rest of their lives eventually their kids and yours will all grow up.Then you will hear about how they all turned out,some good and some not so good............. Quote 5) I have my aunt for that. She seriously LOVES the life that she has with her 3 teenage boys! There's also another swim team mom with 3 boys (a little older than mine) that I watch from afar... The boys are great kids. She's thin, athletic and just seems really happy.......... Quote 6) (my favorite) We have multifaceted young boys that we have loved for many years. It isn't that we don't understand, we do. It's just that we understand a little bit better than you because we have been in the trenches a lot longer. We have seen being a mother of all boys played out a little bit longer and are asking you to give it a chance.

 Peaches, I am just now seeing your post and I just had to stop in to say that you are in my thoughts and prayers!  I can feel your anxiety and depression when I read your words and I am so sorry you're going through this!  I only had a bit of gd when I first found out that ds2 was a boy as I had been so sure he was a girl, for whatever reason. 

However, I HAVE been at that same place of deep, dark depression during the time when I had to leave ds2 and return to work.  Reading your words makes me tear up because I can remember exactly how it feels!  I would not wish those feelings on  my worst enemy.  I ended up haivng to get on anti depressents and let me tell you by the time I finally went to the doctor, I was at the point where I wasn't even really leaving the house.  My dh had to FORCE me to go to the doc.  I cried the whole way there and as I sat in the office.  It was an awful time in my life and I can feel through reading your words that you are feeling similar.  I am glad to read that things are improving for you and I hope it continues to improve.  After about a month of antidepressents, I was much better, not 100%, but at least I left the house on a regular basis and was able to get excited about things again.  My prayers are with you!

Here is pic of my little boy who I was just oh so sure was a little girl!  This was right after his very first haircut.  He was about 15 months.  P.S. he has completely stolen my heart!  I have never spent one night away from him in all his 3 years and I quit my job as a teacher to stay home with him!  

 Oh My Goodness islandmeadow!  Your son is absolutely GORGEOUS!!!   Wow!   

My DS3 and him have the same big blue eyes     

 I know, they are both such beautiful little boys!  We are lucky girls to be surrounded by such gorgeous little men! 

I can't wait to see your ds4. I know he will be a show stopper like his brothers :)

i want that one too. you and dreaming can wrap up those boys and send them over here. island, your son has beautiful eyes! i could stare into those all day.

 Islandmeadow he is absoloutly stunning. MY DP has curly hair and i imahined my boy to look like yours but both my kids have ended up with my straight hair.......perming it may be an option?!

blondhayley:

 Islandmeadow he is absoloutly stunning. MY DP has curly hair and i imahined my boy to look like yours but both my kids have ended up with my straight hair.......perming it may be an option?!

 

thank you!

Your two are both absolute dolls! Joel's hair still looks pretty short, it may be curly yet.  Rylan's curls didn't show up until he was about a year old when his hair finally got long enough.  Until then,it looked straight.

I bet your dd will be asking to perm her hair one of these days.  I know I asked my mom.  But, I quickly realized my mistake when it took me hours to brush out the tangles!  It was a nightmare.

Like you, I have very, very straight hair and my ds1 took after me.  However, at school, he is known for his hair, haha!  The girls in his class all tell me he looks like Justin Bieber, lol.  DS comes home all the time telling me how the girls always ask him if they can touch his hair, lol!!! 

DS2 got the curls from dh.  Although, we're not sure where the blonde came from or if it will even stay blonde. 

 

newbaby2011:

i want that one too. you and dreaming can wrap up those boys and send them over here. island, your son has beautiful eyes! i could stare into those all day.

 

 

Okay, newbaby. I'll pack him up and send him to you, but I should warn you... When you open the package, I will be in there with him because we're attached at the hip 

Just wanted to second what everyone else is saying- that is a gorgeous boy!

thanks a bunch ladies, now you've gone and made me all broody!! Hubby would bloomin kill me :D :D... haha... such gorgeous little tiddly peeps :D... And for what its worth, its ok to be disappointed with a bump, u dont know the person behind it yet, and when u do, he will steal your heart... Take good care of yourself, you are lucky that you have such an open relationship with your husband, not everyone has that luxury.. Its good to talk, keep doing it.. xxx