When will the comments stop?

DS2 is due in November. I ADORE my DS1 more than life itself and think little boys are wonderful: however DH and I are mid--30s and always only planned on 2 kids, so a girl is pretty much out of the picture for us. The knowledge that I will never have a daughter has crushed me since we were told 'by accident' at 12 weeks. Every time I think I'm feeling better - looking at the positives of two sons etc - someone says something that shatters me. We're telling everyone that we're 'team green' (don't want to deal with their disappointment) but today, my birthday of all days, three separate strangers said: 'Oh, I hope for your sake that's a girl/ you must be REALLY hoping it's a girl/boys are such hard work etc etc. My own dad called to wish me a happy birthday and couldn't help make some snide comment about 'my granddaughter being due soon' (there is only one DGD in my family, my DS2 will be the 4th DGS - DS1 is pretty much ignored as it is). Two friends of mine have also had baby girls this week, and all the comments on Facebook are 'She's so beautiful... girls are amazing... you're a real man now you've made a daughter etc etc'. I don't know why I'm letting all of this get to me; it's pathetic and sad. I should be enjoying the last few weeks of what is likely my last pregnancy, instead I'm consumed with these awful feelings. To top it off I'm exhausted; DS1 - who is the sweetest boy - is approaching 2.5 and SO energetic; I don't know how I'll cope with double the 'boy energy' in this house. I have an autoimmune condition that makes me tire easily,and have zero interest in sports/bugs/anything 'boy' so it's going to be a real challenge for me living in a house filled with testosterone. My mum - who I'm very close to - lives on another continent, as do all of my 'real' female friends. I'm struggling with the image of myself as a 'soccer mom', to be honest: it just isn't me. I'm feeling very sad and isolated at the moment, and I know this baby deserves better. I hate myself for feeling this way and am praying that it will, at some point, get better?

Have you had this confirmed with a gender scan? U cannot tell a baby's gender at 12 weeks, u can guess by the nub but this is not always 100%, so if it's not confirmed it could still be a girl. Xxxx

I'm sorry you won't have that little girl, BUT I for one know how absolutely amazing it is to have 2 same gender children close in age and i don't say that lightly.. My 2 boys are the best of friends at all times they constantly entertain each other and are so so close so that is very special too... on the up side, think of your future daughter in laws or grand daughters! xxx

I feel your pain- I got this all the time when I was pregnant with DS2. People I barely knew would ask me if I was disappointed I was having a second boy. I just wanted to tell them to mind their own business but I usually just kept my mouth shut.

There have been some great 'comebacks' provided by the ladies on this site- things like 'Of course I'm not disappointed to be having a healthy baby, would you be?'. I think the key is to turn it around on the person who asked.

I struggled a lot with GD with DS2. I really wanted a girl but my DS2 is so perfect for me, he is everything to me and I'm not sure I would have believed when I was pregnant with him just how much I adore him today. I've seen it again and again on this site, that the GD baby turns out to be a really special and wonderful child.

 I am so sorry you're having such a difficult time!  It is just really crappy to have to deal with other people and their comments.  And the answer is, they will  never stop!  It's so frustrating and a common complaint around here from moms who have multiple children of the same gender.  The only thing you can do is work on yourself on dealing with the comments as they come.  It really helps me to come here and vent about comments that are made to me/ about my children and sharing comebacks with these ladies. Also, if I know I'm going to be around repeat "offenders" as far as the rude comments go.  I get a few comebacks ready before we see each other. 

My in laws seem to really want a DGD.  Currently, they have four DGS and no DGD.  Just the other day, fil was making a comment about how all four of his DGS have such different hair colors and he said that we have it all.  I pointed out that we don't have a red head.  He said, oh yeah, we need a red headed little girl!  She would rule the roost and we'd all be taking orders from her (as he gestured around the room, including the DGS's)  I'm thinking, I'm sorry, but no... she won't.  My son's will be just as important as they always were and my dd would not be getting special treatment just because she's a girl!!!   I should probably add here that they had the pp, and they did treat their dd much differently than my dh.  

As for having two boys, I can tell you from experience, that it is amazing.  I was worried about it as well, but my boys are so different and I have learned that regardless of gender, kids are kids.  They will have their own interests and personalities.  The challenge is raising the kids we are given and not trying to make them into the kids we want.  It's a big challenge!  

And don't worry, just b/c they are boys doesn't mean you'll end up being a soccer mom.  My ds1 doesn't like any team sports but he does gymnastics and LOVES it!  The sad thing is I LOVE being a soccer mom and would love to be at the ball fields watching him play baseball or soccer. Some of my fondest memories from his younger years involve us being at the ball fields when he was playing. I'm hoping ds2 will be into that kind of thing.  

 

I am curious, have you had gender confirmed or are you just going by what they said at 12 weeks?  

Gender was confirmed at the 20 week scan. I just wish I knew how to shut all of this out and enjoy these last few weeks of my pregnancy. Why do I care what other people say? Who knows if a daughter would make me happy? Just so sad inside, and guilty for feeling that way : (

Glitz - I am going through the same exact thing except with the opposite. I am due with DD2 this month and I was crushed when I found out I was having another girl. I really wanted a boy. My DH and I haven't told people that we know the sex. We are also telling everyone else that we are 'team green'. We just don't want to hear the comments. Everyone that sees me says that they hope I have a boy or it looks like I'm having a boy this time. My mother even says to my daughter - 'are you going to have a little brother?' It's just heartbreaking. I just want to shout at everyone and tell them It's a Girl!! Stop with the boy comments. My mom adores my daughter as she is the first DGD. So why does she want me to have a boy? Since everyone is convinced that I am having a boy will they be disappointed when we announce 'it's a girl!" at birth? I don't want to deal with everyone's disappointing reaction. My poor baby...I feel terrible. Why do people assume because you have a girl first, you are going to have a boy next and vice versa? It doesn't work that way. People's comments really bother me and I don't know why I let them get to me. Having a healthy baby should be enough to celebrate.

It is hard I know, people are always asking me if we will try for a girl or have any more (we have 3 boys) and I find it really hard sometimes, I am desperate for a girl but people who have them say "you don't want a girl anyway" - well actually I DO. I have never found out gender whilst pregnant with any of them because I know I would have been down but I think once baby is here things will be easier, not immediately, but it will get easier - you'll just have people wanting to know when you'll try again then!!

 One of the reasons I'm going team green this time is because of people's comments.  If it makes you feel any better, you get more of those comments when you are pregnant than when the baby is born.  When I told people that DS2 was a boy they were like, "oh. Did you want a girl?" Or other comments like that.

Also, my DS1 is a handful himself!  But my ds2 is not so much like that.  He's active but a lot calmer and he is a lot easier to parent.  Honestly, two children of ANY gender can be a handful.  Some of the little girls in our apartment building come over to play and they are just as exhausting to take care of as my boys.