He's darling now...but...

Oh my..... these gender issues can get so heated up, can't they? To the OP, I think what a lot of people are trying to say is that it's probably best not to come to any foregone conclusions right out of the gate, you know? Children - boys and girls - are little souls that are all different and wonderful in their own ways. Both boys and girls come with challenges. Some are gender-related, some are not, but I agree that your children are, for the most part, going to be guided and molded by how you raise them. I am trying my very best to teach my kids right from wrong, and to teach them how to be kind, gentle, and caring little people that will hopefully grow up to be just that. Try not to look too far into the future and assume that you know what it's going to be like and what your son is going to be like! (I know it's hard!) Just take each day as it comes and enjoy your son!

Seb2011:

My son is now almost 5 months old. I love him dearly and he is so little and sweet and funny and cuddly, and such a darling little baby, I thought I was over my GD but after I've spent a bit more time with boy toddlers I was reminded of why I was feeling so much fear and pain related to GD in the first place. I didn't write the passage below, but this does a good job summing up my fears:

Boys are a creature all their own. They are loud and crazy, and they play rough. They like things that make loud noises, make big messes, and things they shouldn't even play with... Like power tools. In most games, young boys clobber, kill, or cream someone. If four girls are playing house in a preschool classroom, it's not uncommon for four boys to go in and rob them. These games and fantasies, while disturbing to some, are not unusual. In fact, they are the norm.

Please please *pleeeeeaaaaaasssseeeee* tell me that I can prevent this from happening? I am terrified at the thought that my darling and sweet little cuddle bug will turn into a wild and rambunctious child that's described above. I am not going to allow aggressive, violent or hostile play and plan on buying gender neutral doll houses, tea sets, cuddly stuffed animals and even a baby doll for my son when he gets older and not toy weapons or anything that may promote aggressive play. But is it just inevitable that these efforts will fail and my child will become wild and hyper and over-active?

For moms of sensitive boys, any suggestions on how I can mold him into a sweet, sensitive and nurturing child? Thank you.

Not all of them are like that, rest assured. My son is 2.5 years old and is a very calm, laid back boy.  We try to squelch aggressive behavior in both our son and daughter.  We are not perfect parents of course, but we try to instill the fact that any of the type of behavior is not going to get them anywhere in this house.  I think that is the best you can do with any child.  Some turn out aggressive anyhow, boy or girl.  My son is a sensitive, huggable bookish type already (yes, he love his books more than trucks).  My DD is actually more rambunctious LOL.  Please don't worry...just do the best you can as a parent.  :-)

Seb2011:

My son is now almost 5 months old. I love him dearly and he is so little and sweet and funny and cuddly, and such a darling little baby, I thought I was over my GD but after I've spent a bit more time with boy toddlers I was reminded of why I was feeling so much fear and pain related to GD in the first place. I didn't write the passage below, but this does a good job summing up my fears:

Boys are a creature all their own. They are loud and crazy, and they play rough. They like things that make loud noises, make big messes, and things they shouldn't even play with... Like power tools. In most games, young boys clobber, kill, or cream someone. If four girls are playing house in a preschool classroom, it's not uncommon for four boys to go in and rob them. These games and fantasies, while disturbing to some, are not unusual. In fact, they are the norm.

Please please *pleeeeeaaaaaasssseeeee* tell me that I can prevent this from happening? I am terrified at the thought that my darling and sweet little cuddle bug will turn into a wild and rambunctious child that's described above. I am not going to allow aggressive, violent or hostile play and plan on buying gender neutral doll houses, tea sets, cuddly stuffed animals and even a baby doll for my son when he gets older and not toy weapons or anything that may promote aggressive play. But is it just inevitable that these efforts will fail and my child will become wild and hyper and over-active?

For moms of sensitive boys, any suggestions on how I can mold him into a sweet, sensitive and nurturing child? Thank you.

Not all of them are like that, rest assured. My son is 2.5 years old and is a very calm, laid back boy.  We try to squelch aggressive behavior in both our son and daughter.  We are not perfect parents of course, but we try to instill the fact that any of the type of behavior is not going to get them anywhere in this house.  I think that is the best you can do with any child.  Some turn out aggressive anyhow, boy or girl.  My son is a sensitive, huggable bookish type already (yes, he love his books more than trucks).  My DD is actually more rambunctious LOL.  Please don't worry...just do the best you can as a parent.  :-)

Winter:

Boys don't have a monopoly on bad behavior.  All kids regardless of gender can behave poorly.  i have three sons and they are all different. Yes, they can be loud, crazy and rough but that doesn't define them, they are so much more than that.  I get the impression a lot on this board that the only kind of boy that is worth having is one who is quiet, sweet, sensitive, basically one who acts like the stereotypical girl. I believe boys and girls are different and i choose to embrace my boys and all there personality traits even the ones that people find distastful.  Yes, my sons are rough and tumble but they have an amazing sense of bravery, curiosity and adventure and who knows where this will take them in their life

.

Seb2011:

I am not going to allow aggressive, violent or hostile play and plan on buying gender neutral doll houses, tea sets, cuddly stuffed animals and even a baby doll for my son when he gets older and not toy weapons or anything that may promote aggressive play.

I guess that is fine if that is what your son wants to play with. What if he doesn't want to play with the doll house or tea sets? What if he wants to run around with a space ship in his hands or wrestle with his friends? Let him be who he is and play with what he wants to. Its not about you. I have never encouraged aggressive play with toys guns, however my sons often go around pretending each other is the bad guy and shooting each other with whatever stick they can pretend is a gun. I think women are often horrified by this but its totally normal and okay. Boys have been playing like this since the beginning of time, it doesn't mean they are going to grow up to be horrible aggressive men (in fact there is no research to support that gun play in childhood turns boys aggressive).

Stop worrying about all the negative stereotypes and enjoy your son for who he is.  

 

This is the way I feel about my boys.  I wouldn't let them have toy guns when they were small and they used bananas or sticks.  As they've gotten older even I have embraced nerf.  They take them over to my friend who has 9 kids and even the girls start playing with them.  I just let them play because they've got to get out all that energy and chasing each other around like cops and robbers does just that. I was worried about what it would be like raising a boy (then boys); however, I want them to have all of their own ideas and loves.  I don't want to force anything on them because I always hated it when people forced me to do things I hated.  My boys aren't into sports and prefer to ride their bikes or play games.  I would like them to, but I don't push it.  I will never get the linebacker I always dreamed of (and my boys are big boys), but that's ok.  I am actually more worried now about what our daughter will like to play with because we've become a typical "boy" family.. video games, nerf, bikes, skateboards, etc....

I also have to say I have an autistic child and I really hope people don't judge me as a bad parent simply because he has an episode while we are out.  I will not force him to stay inside because "others" don't understand or are not sympathetic to his behavior.  He has to learn and I am going to give him as much exposure and real life experience as I can to help him deal with the real world as an adult.

 

Sweetie, children are different based on temperament more than gender. If you want your son to have certain characteristics then try to nurture those characteristics in him. I can't stand any kids (boy or girl) who are dirty, out of control, rough-housing at inappropriate times, or mouthy. I crack down on those behaviors with both of my sons and my daughter equally. I get compliments frequently about how calm and sweet both of my sons are. There is a great chance your son will be everything you want him to be if you nurture him to be those things.

I will apologize in advance for bringing this up, but this post hits a completely raw point for me today. I just saw on Facebook that a very good friend of mine had a tragedy in her family. Her son was also just 5 months old. He was born withsome heart problems and was in the NICU for 6 weeks. However, he had a surgery and during that surgery doctors found that his heart was in much better condition then they could have dreamed. They gave him an excellent prognosis and sent him home with plans for one minor future surgery. He went in for that surgery today, this morning to be exact. His parents handed him over to the doctors expecting to see him again but he died on the operating table. I know it's so hard to see through GD (I had it too so I really do understand), but try to imagine if that was your son. Would it really matter that he was wild or played games you didn't like? There are more important things to worry about than stereotypes for children.

Hang in there sweetie and raise him nurturing those good characteristics and you will have a man you can be proud of. 

 

 serenity hun don't feel bad, i know you didn't mean what you said, you were only acting defensive because of your motherly instinct. Am a boy mum but i must say i too have noticed this unfair trend, when boys are bashed every boy mum becomes defensive and it's okay with us, but when girls are bashed a girl mum is not allowed to be defensive, it's so wong, no gender should be bashed at all.Just know that not everyone is in support of this trend.