Does anyone else have an immature husband?

Its been weeks since  my horrible nightmare failed IVF/PGD cycle with 0 healthy girls out of 10 embryos.  I'm finally ready to  get back on the horse and try try again. I've been spending the last 2 months getting healthy, losing weight, researching clinics and my husband said he was going to go all the way with me. He even booked time  off work to go with me to interview Dr's etc. 

Well now I found a clinic I like and we were supposed to go over next week to sign the papers and get my cycle all lined up for June. I'm discussing this with DH today and he pulls the  "are YOU sure YOU want to keep doing this?" speech....

I told him how sick and tired I was of him asking me the same question over and over and over...its his problem so why can't he just own itfor once? 

My husband then gave me his list of "concerns" with proceeding with hi-tech:

 a) our house is too small

b) he's too old (40)  and wants to retire at 55 

c) he wants to go on a vacation to FIGI ....yes I should stop everything so DH can go to Figi.

 I told him, so we move into a Mc Mansion and go to Figi and you retire....THEN WHAT? because I sure as hell am not going to be happy.

My husband never thinks more than 5 yrs in advance so he didn't know. Just that its obvious that having a daughter is NOT in the cards because we tried and Fail Microsort 4x and now IVF not any normal girls , so this means we should give up and be happy with what we got.   

I don't understand why my husband pretends to go along and then when its crunch time he turns and does an about-face.  I feel like I'm RUNNING A MARATHON down this long long winding road and I can see this tiny glimmer of pink hope and happiness far away but within reach, yet instead of "running beside me" or even handing me drinks and cheering me on from the sidelines, my husband is this big huge BOULDER standing in my way that I have to push and pull and groan against just to get anywhere.  Its wearing me out. Just as I think I've passed ONE hurdle, there'smy husband THE BOULDER standing in the road again telling me its raining and I should just go back home.

I personally do not care one bit about a Mc Mansion or Figi or retirement. I feel like these possessions can all be bought with money down the road and be put off for the time being. I feel like as long as I have breath and EGGS I should keep trying and that I'll resent my husband in the long run if he refuses to let me see this thing thru. 

Has anyone else had this problem? If so, what did you do?

Is it possible that your husband is afraid that it doesn't work this time and you get sad about it? I can imagine he doesn't want to see you sad and he wants to make sure you really want to do this. Have you thought about doing spermsort to make more chance of healthy girls? Many people go to South Cyprus to the Genesis clinic of dr Savvas Koundouros. I had a bfp and many others too....good luck and I hope your dreams come true!

I understand your desire for a girl. however there are limits imo in how far you're gonna go. If you already tried pgd 4 times and all failed, how many times do you wanna continue? I believe there comes a time you should try to accept how it is. I think your husband also wants to do nice things with you and the children you already have instead of keep trying for something that may never happen. Maybe pgd is not the way for you? Have you considered adoption?

Jackie, You are definitely NOT alone, I just heard it last week too. We've gone rounds on other things and hubby is convinced if #3 doesn't work, he doesn't want to throw more money into it. I won't try again til after October, I stepped back and have to fix myself first. Email me if you like :) use hotmail for bcorso

Hi  you are not alone who is fighting this battile.i am on same boat infact more severe boat .we have two girls ages 5 and 3 thanks to God for that but i badly want boy.my husband is comletely opposite.he doesnot want a boy infact he doesnt want any more kids  gender is very far to think:(

i am still fighting for that .my girls are everything for me but i still feel i am incomplete .i dont know how m i gonna complete my dream i havent discolsed hubby of my dream just talked to him once and he disagredd at first place that NO MORE KIDS:( so i didnt get courage to talk to him about MY DREAM:( i cry sometimes but i believe in God that one day my dream will come true .good luck to you hope ur dream come true tooo very soon

bye luv to ur boys:)

I understand where you're coming from. DH is on board for HT one day, the next we need a bigger house, nicer cars, etc. It's just like he gives me a huge boost that it will happen and when I'm at my highest point, he levels it. I don't have any advice as I'm in the same predicament. Just wanted you to know you're not alone.

 Hi there,

 I'm not sure what advice i can provide, but I thought maybe I could give you a viewpoint from the other side.  I have a 17 year old son, 14 year old daughter and 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship, and my current husband and I have a daughter (conceived via IVF) who is 3.

 In my situation, it is not me so bound and determined to have a son.  It's my husband.  We've already been through IVF twice, had 7 embryos thawed to be tested - 5 didn't expand, 1 was an abnormal xy and one was a normal xx, and the second time got 5 normal xx, no boys.

 The money is insane...typically 20k all together.  We already owe loans totalling like 32k.  He wanted to keep trying for a son, because that's his dream.

I feel like I did what I could by agreeing to the money and the stress and the heartache twice already.

 Now, I really wanted him to just be happy with what we have so that we could enjoy our time with our kiddos we already have that are growing up so fast!  We need family vacations, the kids need braces, we don't have a penny saved for their college educations...and the more we spend trying to get that boy...the less memories I will have with the kids that are already here.  :-(

 At least that's the way I looked at it.

 That said, I had just recently agreed to try ONE last time (hubby paying for it 100%, no splitting the cost anymore) and what do ya know, I came up pregnant on my own (which we never could do before).  I am praying this is our son, because if it's another girl, I don't think he'll want to stop and I just can't imagine having SIX kids.  I have a full time career that I love.  :-(

 I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help.  I pray that it all works out for you!

Hi there,

I'm not sure what advice i can provide, but I thought maybe I could give you a viewpoint from the other side... I have a 17 year old son, 14 year old daughter and 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship, and my current husband and I have a daughter (conceived via IVF) who is 3.

In my situation, it is not me so bound and determined to have a son... It's my husband.

We couldn't get pregnant without intervention so we've already been through IVF twice.  The first time we got our daughter, then had 7 embryos thawed to be tested - 5 didn't expand, 1 was an abnormal xy and one was a normal xx, and the second time got 5 normal xx, no boys.

The money is insane...typically 20k all together.  We already owe loans totalling like 32k. He wanted to keep trying for a son, because that's his dream.  I feel like I did what I could by agreeing to the money and the stress and the heartache twice already.  Now, I really wanted him to just be happy with what we have so that we could enjoy our time with our kiddos we already have that are growing up so fast!  We need family vacations, the kids need braces, we don't have a penny saved for their college educations...and the more we spend trying to get that boy...the less memories I will have with the kids that are already here. (IMHO)  At least that's the way I looked at it.

That said, I had just recently agreed to try ONE last time (hubby paying for it 100%, no splitting the cost anymore) and what do ya know, I came up pregnant on my own (which we never could do before). I am praying this is our son, because if it's another girl, I don't think he'll want to stop and I just can't imagine having SIX kids. I have a full time career that I love.

I don't know if my input is any help at all, but I do pray it works out for you!  I am doing it all to give my husband HIS dream, but I don't think I can do it again if necessary.  :-(

I understand exactly where you're coming from. My husband would have been quite pleased if we had stopped after DS #2 (our first together). He was ok when I wanted to be a traditional surrogate and delivered a beautiful princess that belonged to someone else. We ended up pregnant twice after that. He bullied me into getting my tubes tied after DS #4, but he refused to get snipped. After spending the last 4 years going back and forth with him agreeing and changing his mind I have decided to do it with or without his help. A clinic in California was very supportive in my hopes of embryo adoption until I mentioned gender selection. Now I'm back to square 1.... I know without a doubt I can't have more than 1more and would gladly donate the ones I can't use, but I don't even know how to make my way through this. I don't have family and my friends don't know... You are not alone, and I am always willing to listen or talk.

Last night I got the guilt trip... He told me everything from "maybe I'll have a heart attack" insinuating I would use his piddly 15k life insurance from work to get started on the IVF/PGD. Then came the "me or a baby" and we rounded it out with how I "don't consider the risks" oh oops let's not forget the "that's fine, we'll do it, and I'll be happy and supportive". All in all it was a very eventful conversation. So, how was everyone else's evening?

Sigh... Sorry for the rant. We were finally able to get to the root of his indifference? Fear? Idk what to call it, but we are on the same path finally!

I BUSTED OUT laughing when I read your post title. Then I read your post and could understand exactly what you are going through except my husband went along, went along, went along and then BAM! We're not doing this and for the bonus prize: i've decided no more kids (and the accompanying list of material reasons like your husband). Sucks.....really sucks.

The bright side, and I know it may not seem like it right now, at least he's MOVABLE. You may have to grunt and sweat and cry to get that boulder moved, but it DOES move. Nothing in life worth having was ever attained easily.....or at least that's how it seems to go for some, damnit. Hang in there!!

JackiesHope:

Has anyone else had this problem? If so, what did you do?

FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU WANT/NEED.