"you" can complain, but someone else is not allowed to?

FadingPiinkDream:

It would be nice to not be judged about GD. I thought this was a safe place to express. People are taking gender dissapointment to far? ..This is a gender disappointment sub-fourm.

 

 I assume you were talking to me.  I've already said that I think GD is natural and it is ok.   I never said I was judging anyone for feeling disappointed, in fact I supported it and said it was ok and natural and people shouldn't feel ashamed for feeling disappointed.  Please try to read my whole posts, not just take a few excerpts and throw it in my face. 

I think it is time to leave these forums as I don't think anyone wants to hear my point of view. Every time I do, some of you women jump down my throat.  I'm really just trying to help people see things with a bit of perspective.  My sister lost her baby last year at 8 months and almost died herself because of the complications.  My mum's best friend lost her baby.  My best friends lost their baby, twice.  My other best friend's mother is dying of cancer with 2 months to live, before their baby is born.  My wife and I just lost our business, and our home within the last week and can not move back  to Canada until after the birth of our child and are going through a little scare with our pregnancy at the moment.  So, do I think some people are taking it too far when they don't get a boy or a girl.  Damn rights I do!  Be disappointed even be sad, that is natural and ok, but to compare it to suffering from a terminal disease is bang out of order. I am sorry but you have made me feel ashamed for trying to help.  It is clear you only post here for people to agree with you.  I was not judging anyone just trying to offer some other way for them to feel better about their child's gender.  What is wrong with that?

Good luck every one.  This is my last post.  I have too much to deal with in my life to be judged by you!

ProudPapa:

Good luck every one.  This is my last post.  I have too much to deal with in my life to be judged by you!

 

I'm sorry to see you  leave, proudpapa, but I understand your reasons.  I hope I never made you feel attacked.  If I did, it wasn't my intention.  

 

I'm so sorry to hear that you and your wife are going through difficult times.  I know what it feels like when it seems like things are crashing down around you and your options are scarce.  Judging from your attitude, I know it won't be long before you guys are back on your feet!  Prayers for you, your wife, and baby girl for a continued healthy pregnancy and safe delivery and of course a happy, healthy little girl.  You are in for the best years of your life.  I don't think anyone knows the capacity their heart has for love until they become a parent.  It is not like anything else in this world and you will amaze yourself at the way you fall completely in love with that tiny little baby from the moment you lay eyes on her.  It is truly the closest glimpse of heaven we will ever see here on Earth, I believe.

 

I wish you all the very best!  

 

Hi ProudPapa,

 Sorry to hear you are going through so much.  I hope you and your wife will be back on your feet soon.  And congrats on your baby girl, when she is in your arms, everything will be okay.  :)  I am Chinese so I know what you mean about boys versus girls when it comes to babies and just being a girl myself in general.  Luckily I don't live in Asia because I know comments will be nonstop.  But I agree that we are all very lucky to have babies regardless of boys or girls, I know I feel blessed to have my family.  Good luck and I wish you the best.

 

FadingPiinkDream:

It would be nice to not be judged about GD. I thought this was a safe place to express. People are taking gender dissapointment to far? ..This is a gender disappointment sub-fourm.

I agree. I think there is enough judging out there in the world, by people who think they have the right to tell you how much GD is appropriate and when things have gone too far.

 

I mean, if you 'go too far' how exactly are you supposed to rein in feelings that you don't actually want ANY part of in the first place? I certainly never expected to experience GD, it never occurred to me that there was even such a thing. And then it hit me like a freight train, I would have done anything to get out from under that black cloud. I hid it as best I could and the first thing I did after my gender ultrasound was ring my friend overseas who has three boys and I said "I know about your secret club, I am in the club now and all around me I see others who are probably in it as well, its like they have a light on their heads". She laughed and said "yep". She had never expressed that to me before and as a mother of one child before that I would never have thought to ask. I was thrilled that my first child was a boy so I never experienced GD till my second son.

 

I was very grateful for my fertility, I was very grateful to be a mother and have a healthy baby. Gratitude and GD are not mutually exclusive, never have been, never will be. I absolutely adore my DS2, he is the apple of my eye, we all love him to bits, he is very spoilt! My GD wasn't about him, it was about her, the one who WASN'T coming.

 

To be honest, I think if people say anything negative about someone expressing GD they honestly haven't experienced it. All the people I know who have walked in those shoes show nothing but kindness and empathy and patience. People might think they know what it is, but really, until you have experienced that confusion, that emptiness, that feeling of being punched, the mask you wear in public and the tears you release in private, the fear of being judged, then nope, you might have experienced some brief disappointment about what other people want for you but you haven't felt the full force of GD or you would NEVER judge. NEVER.

 I'm kind of taken aback that this judgement is going on in the GENDER DISAPPOINTMENT forum. If you don't have it, then you don't understand and you should maybe count yourself lucky. 

 

And for the record, if anyone in real life said to my face that my GD has anything to do with my love for my sons, I'd rip your face off. It's absolutely NOT about the children I already have. It's about the one I long for. 

DivineMrsM:

 I'm kind of taken aback that this judgement is going on in the GENDER DISAPPOINTMENT forum. If you don't have it, then you don't understand and you should maybe count yourself lucky. 

And for the record, if anyone in real life said to my face that my GD has anything to do with my love for my sons, I'd rip your face off. It's absolutely NOT about the children I already have. It's about the one I long for. 

VERY well said.

 I would just like to add my few cents as I am suffering from GD and I am also have a very horrible scary pregnancy. NOT ONCE have I ever said that I hate, or do not love my little boys, or my step children, or this baby on the way. Yes my dream is to have a girl, yes it is depressing to me that I know if this is not a girl, I will never have one, yes I hate the idea that I wont have a girl ever to call my own but I ABSOLUTELY LOVE AND ADORE ALL OF MY CHILDREN. I would never tell them that mommy is sad that she isnt getting her girl, infact my boys are upset that it might not be a girl and I am the one trying to tell them it will be fine just one more brother to pick on but as far as having other people point it out, YES it is wrong and it hurts, this is a discussion forum for others feeling the same way to let them know its ok to feel that way its ok to vent, As far as I know Ive not actaully flat out told anyone they were wrong for saying something to me even though it hurts me even more, but I can sure as hell be upset about it because people do not think.... Do you know how hard it is to hear your whole family say it better be a girl or it goes back...or o its another boy....like this baby will get no love because its the same gender as the rest....ITS AWFUL....and yes there is a bit of defense in there as well because I do try to stay strong and act like I am not bothered that I will never get my girl but to be reminded...thats IS like an ill person in the hosptial or an old person in a nursing home...OR a woman who dreams of only having children and cant....Who wants to be reminded of any of that??? I dont... SO if you dont like it go somewhere else because this is what this place is for...We all love our babies regardless in the end, we might have issues coping for a bit but we always love them, we dont tell them O i wish you where this instead..thats wrong...but we cant help but be sad that we wont have that whatever it is we wanted but there is nothing in here about not loving them all the same, and if there is as in my case with the fear of myself and everyone else not giving him the love he deserves, that is usually not the case, at least not with mommy and daddy..Sorry this post just got under my skin a bit, yes it is ok to think it but they should keep it to themselves because we as pregnant mommies are already emotional wrecks without gd and reminded that we have gd and reminded that we wont get the desired gender ever...and not only does it hurt to think about it, it hurts to be reminded and then it also makes us feel very guilty and upset more because we do feel that way..So think of it from our point..We do not want to be reminded that we have a preference and so does everyone else........

Haven't been on in awhile, but WOW. I absolutlely was not comparing having a child with illness. If your reading comprehension was up to par, you would have realized I was comparing the unwanted comments from others. Geez. If you are tired of people with GD then get the heck out of Dodge and don't let the door hit ya on the way out. And as for suggesting I don't love my sons? That doesn't even merit a response.

BeadinBabe:

DivineMrsM:

 I'm kind of taken aback that this judgement is going on in the GENDER DISAPPOINTMENT forum. If you don't have it, then you don't understand and you should maybe count yourself lucky. 

And for the record, if anyone in real life said to my face that my GD has anything to do with my love for my sons, I'd rip your face off. It's absolutely NOT about the children I already have. It's about the one I long for. 

VERY well said.

Yes my case as well, but maybe then it's more DG instead of GD?

It comes in ALL forms ALL shapes ALL sizes ALL depths not limited too......

"The I can understand GD BUT"......   Nope nope nope stop there, if there is a "but" then you DON'T understand

The BUT posts are getting a little old and they are NOT helpful in anyway

If you DON"T "understand" it or you have NEVER walked in that dark place that, you have no business being here!

I do have a comment/question back to the original post.  If you sense that someone is "in the club" of GD/DG, do you consider that it is okay to talk to them about it?  To me personally, I liked feeling like someone 'understood' what I was feeling.  It was an outlet to be honest & real. 

Snide comments or rude comments in front of the kids are of course out of bounds.  But, sometimes I think people are vocalizing what we have thought ourselves - and perhaps they are trying to show understanding (not all, but sometimes).  Just a thought...

And personally, I just lost my boy #4 at 19 weeks.  So I do realize there are much worse things than GD, and I feel guilty for feeling those feelings - even though they were truly real emotions. I know I would have gotten past it with time, but I feel so bad that I didn't love the little guy as much as I should have during those 19 weeks and now I'll never have that chance.  On a separate note, I totally agree with the idea that GD is really mourning the loss of never having the DG child we feel is missing in our lives.

 Dixie I usually feel the person out, I will say are you finished yet or did you always want a big family and usually that triggers the convo. They normally say I wanted a girl or my Husband wanted a boy so we kept trying. If they don't bite I will say wow 3 boys what a beautiful thing or vice versa, I have yet to meet a Mom IRL who didn't try for the opposite. So the convo usually takes off from there

ProudPapa:

FadingPiinkDream:

It would be nice to not be judged about GD. I thought this was a safe place to express. People are taking gender dissapointment to far? ..This is a gender disappointment sub-fourm.

 

 So, do I think some people are taking it too far when they don't get a boy or a girl.  Damn rights I do!  Be disappointed even be sad, that is natural and ok, but to compare it to suffering from a terminal disease is bang out of order.

 

AGAIN I was not comparing it to a terminal disease!!! Geez, people! Learn to friggin READ! I was comparing the inappropriate STUPID COMMENTS people make to people! You know, I used to recommend this forum to the many people IRL I have met who have experienced GD but I have actually had to go back and warn them off. What a shame!

I personally have 5 boys ...pg w a dd now and to be honest yes I'm happy to be expecting a dd but I was highly offended when a woman said to me... Omg your so lucky it's finally a girl well wtf is that suppose to mean if it were a boy... I am very defensive of comments against boys I can see how outside comments can really affect us esp during pg...I actually felt more pressure for my dd to be a dd from perfect strangers.. That I really think gd is formed from Outside comments ...most moms love their baby's unconditionally boys or girls ... I have only once read on here someone was so upset about having a boy she wished she'd loose the baby now that's a little to far and she may of had a serious phyc problem...