Help me decide - high-tech or not?

Hey there- I am having the SAME issues, trying to decide to go HT or not next time! I would like to guarantee a girl next time so I could move on from having any GD, and I have no religious or moral objections when it comes to HT. But I am just so scared of something going wrong, of having the wrong embryo implanted, etc. Someone from this board who went HT (successfully) told me offline that the center lost her DH's sperm sample! SCARY! And studeis have shown that mix-ups may be happening as often as 1:250 times. If there was a mix-up I would know b/c my DH is AA. But this fear sends chills down my back. I would rather never have a DD (a very sad thought) then carry a DD that is not genetically mine. If I can be guaranteed no mix-up would happen, I would go for it.

I do have some worries of spending lots of $$ and no baby to show for it, or having an opposite (even though we would only consider IVF/PGD).

So, my struggle to decide what to do continues!

My worst fear: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/33617699#33617699

TwoSweetGuys:

I don't think it's a huge deal, but it just doesn't feel right to me. Like I'm messing with nature, like I'll always feel like I cheated to get my daughter. Like she's not really supposed to be here. 

I completely agree with this feeling!  But  (not as a flame at all) I'll say this.  For couples who are infertile aren't they 'cheating' too in order to have biological kids at all?  I don't judge them for their decision to use technology, and I bet you don't either, so why judge yourself?

high tech

good luck

Thank you all so much for your comments, advice, good wishes, and support.Nowhere else in the world could I find people so amazingly supportive - nobody else understands.

I am still leaning towards high-tech. I'll be starting with a new health insurance on January 1 that has some fertility coverage so I think I'll start my cycle then, hoping it covers SOMETHING at least. 

I will keep you all up to date!

Sarah

TwoSweetGuys:

I am so incredibly torn, have been for MONTHS, and a decision has to be made! Please let me put it out there that I'm not judging anyone for any decisions they've made. We each have our own set of morals and "lines in the sand" and I know we're all doing what we think is right for our families...

Love love my boys but always dreamed of a girl. I stare at them everwhere we go. I check the gender make-up of every family I see. I pray for my friends to have boys (and they've all obliged, so far!).

I haven't had any problems bonding with my boys and I enjoy the heck out of them. Frankly I'd be thrilled to have 10 more boys if I just knew there'd be a girl in there somewhere!

But reality is we live in a small house, we live on one income, and three is probably our limit.

I have the chance to go high-tech (I'm supposed to start my lab-work TOMORROW) but I'm so torn. I don't think it's a huge deal, but it just doesn't feel right to me. Like I'm messing with nature, like I'll always feel like I cheated to get my daughter. Like she's not really supposed to be here. But the other side leaves me just as depressed: never having a daughter. I feel like I'm being torn between my morals and my dreams and frankly I don't want to give up either one. My husband just wants another child; he doesn't think high-tech is the "right" thing to do either but not so much that he'll stand in the way. So it's all in my hands.Our other options are to just go for a third the "natural" way, or to start working on adoption - international, probably, so we'll miss out on the sweet newborn and baby days. :-(

What do you guys think? What do you feel? What would you do?

Sarah

I am just now seeing this... but OMG you took the words right out of my mouth!  So weird.  Apparently what you are feeling is pretty normal when it comes to HT b/c I feel the same way and from reading other's responses... they do, too.  I LOVE my fun boys and would gladly take another if ONLY I can have one girl.  In fact, one girl probably would be enough for me as I was the only girl with 2 brothers in my family and according to my parents, I was as much trouble as 2 boys combined!    I also feel like I am "cheating" to get a dd by going HT, but as another poster said, that feeling cannot be as bad as the feeling of GD and of going through life w/o a dd.  KUP with what you decide!

All I can say is if the desire is there now, it won't go away.  So don't have another baby naturally, knowing that you will still desire a girl if 3 is definitely your limit.  DH and I did the same thing and swayed with our third and ended up with dd#3, now we're going high tech, and as much as I love my 3 girls, and wouldn't trade them for anything, the desire for a son is still there 3 1/2 years later and it will never go away.  My theory for the cost side is that it will be much cheaper paying for IVF/PGD than raising more kids just to get the desired gender.

As far as "child from god" they're all from god, no matter which way they were conceived, it's still your eggs and his sperm, just incubated a little differently to begin with, but believe me, when I'm holding my son in my arms, how we got him will be the last thing on my mind, we will finally feel complete and able to move on with our lives.

Goodluck with your decision, but think long and hard before making a decision, you need to be able to live with it, either way!