Lest We Forget...

www.in-gender.com is a site that was created to help women who are struggling with Gender Disappointment.  Gender Disappointment, much like the people who walk this Earth, comes in every shape, size, color, style imaginable.  What YOU feel as GD may be the polar opposite of what another defines as their GD.  New terms have arisen during the time this site has come into existence.  These include Gender Desire (the "mild" form of GD, for lack of a better word) and EXTREME Gender Disappointment, which is exactly what it sounds like. 

Yes, this is the internet.  There are numerous women (and men) who visit this site who may agree, disagree, sympathize, empathize, or simply want to call the men with the little white coats to come and take us all away.  Where ever it is that you stand in that scenario, please take time to consider that - even though you are "talking" to someone you don't "know" and probably never will... THEY. HAVE. FEELINGS, TOO.  Just like you.  And it hurts - even when a "stranger" - stomps all over them.  Especially painful when your feelings are smashed when opening yourself up to something considered so controversial.

Maureen has taken the time to write a "rules" post that - agree, disagree, or indifferent, you are expected to follow.  No, this doesn't mean you need to be all puppy dogs and rainbows with everyone.  But it DOES mean that you should be respectful.  Seriously - am I really having to type this out?  Unfortunately, yes I am because so many seem to have forgotten all about it. 

If a post gets you bent out of shape, take a step back - away from the computer - and realize the post was not titled with your name.  It is about someone else and THEIR feelings.  If you feel that you cannot under any circumstances respond at least respectfully, please move on to the next thread.

Thanks for trying to help us keep IG nice.

Thank you!  

I understand what you are saying but the tolerance seems to only go one way. There are certain members that come here and rubbish one gender, for me, namely boys. It hurts to read it. We hear it every day IRL and we really don't want to read it here.

It is also made worse when people already have a girl, want another, which is fair enough as GD comes in many forms, BUT constantly talk about the positives of girls and the negatives of boys. I even read once that a mom with a girl wanting another girl would have GD more than a mom with a boy wanting a girl because she already knows how precious girls are and what she would be missing out on. WTF? This comment upset a lot of people.

I agree that the rude/nasty posts are unnecessary but when we ask people to be tolerant, we also need to ask people like in the example above to think about how her words might impact on others and stop posting them. I am tired of reading this stuff. And I don't think it is reasonable to ask us to be tolerant of these types of posts without those people also being asked to stop posting this stuff as it upsets A LOT of people on this forum.

What we seem to end up with is a lot of moms needing support walking away from this forum because of these posts. And I don't think that is fair either.

Fairyfloss:

I understand what you are saying but the tolerance seems to only go one way. There are certain members that come here and rubbish one gender, for me, namely boys. It hurts to read it. We hear it every day IRL and we really don't want to read it here.

It is also made worse when people already have a girl, want another, which is fair enough as GD comes in many forms, BUT constantly talk about the positives of girls and the negatives of boys. I even read once that a mom with a girl wanting another girl would have GD more than a mom with a boy wanting a girl because she already knows how precious girls are and what she would be missing out on. WTF? This comment upset a lot of people.

I agree that the rude/nasty posts are unnecessary but when we ask people to be tolerant, we also need to ask people like in the example above to think about how her words might impact on others and stop posting them. I am tired of reading this stuff. And I don't think it is reasonable to ask us to be tolerant of these types of posts without those people also being asked to stop posting this stuff as it upsets A LOT of people on this forum.

What we seem to end up with is a lot of moms needing support walking away from this forum because of these posts. And I don't think that is fair either.

Couldn't agree more!!!

saggyrl11:

Fairyfloss:

I understand what you are saying but the tolerance seems to only go one way. There are certain members that come here and rubbish one gender, for me, namely boys. It hurts to read it. We hear it every day IRL and we really don't want to read it here.

It is also made worse when people already have a girl, want another, which is fair enough as GD comes in many forms, BUT constantly talk about the positives of girls and the negatives of boys. I even read once that a mom with a girl wanting another girl would have GD more than a mom with a boy wanting a girl because she already knows how precious girls are and what she would be missing out on. WTF? This comment upset a lot of people.

I agree that the rude/nasty posts are unnecessary but when we ask people to be tolerant, we also need to ask people like in the example above to think about how her words might impact on others and stop posting them. I am tired of reading this stuff. And I don't think it is reasonable to ask us to be tolerant of these types of posts without those people also being asked to stop posting this stuff as it upsets A LOT of people on this forum.

What we seem to end up with is a lot of moms needing support walking away from this forum because of these posts. And I don't think that is fair either.

Couldn't agree more!!!

I actually disagree.  I think people suffering one type of GD cannot ask people experiencing a different type to not express it.  *ALL* GD forms must be welcome here.  I know it's not perfect, but it's the "most fair" solution.

I encourage us to keep in mind that someone expressing their GD (in whatever form that takes) is talking about themselves and their own issues, not passing judgement on other members' families or children.  Their issues are personal to *them* and are not about anyone else.

GZ

I agree with both the OP and the post above.  The thing is, whilst we can ask people to be tolerant, and it's reasonable to expect they should be, it's almost impossible to enforce. Especially in an online environment.

Most people on IG are wonderful, compassionate women and men.  But unfortunately there are one or two that seem to have missed the whole point of this forum.  So in the instance that someone says something that might offend or upset or just something to "stir the pot", I agree, the best action is to simply ignore and move on.  A bit like ignoring a toddlers bad behaviour... they soon realise their not getting the attention they desire and stop doing it. 

saggyrl11:

.  *ALL* GD forms must be welcome here.  I know it's not perfect, but it's the "most fair" solution.

GZ

There are lots of posts that can be upsetting. You just have to know when to walk away from them. And it also helps to realize that someone "bashing" on one gender is not speaking specifically of your child. Just because someone may be having a bad day and may say something like "boys are loud and dirty" in no way means that MY boys are loud and dirty....even though sometimes they are, lol. I know this person is speaking through their own frustration and their thoughts on the matter have no bearing or influence whatsoever on my children, so why get all worked up about it? Kwim?

Pink Ladies:

So in the instance that someone says something that might offend or upset or just something to "stir the pot", I agree, the best action is to simply ignore and move on.  A bit like ignoring a toddlers bad behaviour... they soon realise their not getting the attention they desire and stop doing it. 

I do this 99% of the time but I understand why some people take the bait. We have GD and it is raw. If we didn't we wouldn't be here. So when you are feeling so vulnerable and then come here and read those horrible posts, you end up feeling worse when you actually come here to feel better. Isn't this forum supposed to help?

I guess what will happen are the people who find it too painful to read will eventually leave.

alligus:

Or you can do what I do and avoid posts written by people you know will upset you.

That is a good suggestion and I do try. I avoid threads started by people I know upset me, though sometimes I forget until I start reading lol. But then there are times when they reply to a thread that they didn't start. So it is difficult to avoid. I wish there was an 'ignore user' function here as there are on other sites. It would be very helpful.

I don't read most of the other forums here as I come here for a specific purpose, to help my GD. But it doesn't always help, it fuels it for reasons above.

saggyrl11:

Fairyfloss:

I understand what you are saying but the tolerance seems to only go one way. There are certain members that come here and rubbish one gender, for me, namely boys. It hurts to read it. We hear it every day IRL and we really don't want to read it here.

It is also made worse when people already have a girl, want another, which is fair enough as GD comes in many forms, BUT constantly talk about the positives of girls and the negatives of boys. I even read once that a mom with a girl wanting another girl would have GD more than a mom with a boy wanting a girl because she already knows how precious girls are and what she would be missing out on. WTF? This comment upset a lot of people.

I agree that the rude/nasty posts are unnecessary but when we ask people to be tolerant, we also need to ask people like in the example above to think about how her words might impact on others and stop posting them. I am tired of reading this stuff. And I don't think it is reasonable to ask us to be tolerant of these types of posts without those people also being asked to stop posting this stuff as it upsets A LOT of people on this forum.

What we seem to end up with is a lot of moms needing support walking away from this forum because of these posts. And I don't think that is fair either.

Couldn't agree more!!!

I actually quite like the heated discussions , I like hearing all the honest, raw feelings that spill out.  I'm not talking about the nasty stuff that hurts people of course!  I have learnt a lot from the women on this site over the years, as I tend to be a talk first, think later kinda person.  I still suffer from foot in mouth disease, occasionally, but I do try to think before I say things.

The point of my comment is, that I certainly agree that everyone should follow the rules, but, I think if everyone is too nicey, nicey, it becomes boring , (which is what Coochie was implying).