Fears after getting desired gender?

 I was just watching "Cold Case" and the episode was about a girl who had Gender Identity Disorder.Her father has her admitted to some kind of psychiatric hospital for intensive therapy to learn how to be a girl. This includes electro shock therapy. I don't know about you but anything that has to do with electrocution makes me queazy...I just can't handle it. Anyhow, it kind of made me think about myself and the things I have planned for my daughter. Things that I have drempt about. I finally got pregnant with a girl, and I am so excited. My DH wanted to know how it would be for me if my daughter came out wanting to be and acting like a boy. Personally I feel like if my daughter can build a car engine, or do things that girls don't normally do, well I'll be proud of her!!! I do think however that if she takes no interest in dolls growing up, or doesn't want to do any kind of girly things, I may end up struggling with it. I really don't know. I would like to be optimistic, and say that it won't bother me, but the old question pops into my mind :Why DO you want a girl? Is it for dolls and dresses and pink and materialistic things? For me, I want with my daughter what I've strived so long to have with my mother. And I am that girl. I'm not very girly at all, wheras my mother is all things girl. Part of it is my self-esteem, and part of it is my personality. I don't know. I hate thinking too far into the future. Does anyone else have the same fear? Will a whole new kind of GD spark if my daughter isn't what I thought she would be? 

Maybe... My oldest girl is not into boyish stuff but the youngest one is (playing cars and sports), as well as in ballet classes. We think it's cute because she makes mommy and daddy happy. But I know my DH has expectations for this boy and he really hopes he's into sports - as a sports fanatic himself. I asked what if Zac's into theater / dance / performing arts... He said he would be disappointed but he would support whatever he wants to do AS LONG AS HE'S NOT GAY! Then he went on to say how he would rather have another girl than a gay son. Can you imagine that??? I just think that it's normal to have expectations, hopes and dreams for our kids but at the end of the day they will be on their own and you'll have to learn to accept that fact as hard as it may be.

I wanted to raise a female child. The type of female child she is, comes with the territory of raising any of my children. They will be what they will be. We all have expectations for all our children. It is the norm. Be it boys or girls we have ideas of how we think it is going to be. And most likely (since they are their own persons)it won't be exactly how we thought it would be.

I really wanted to put my dd into ballet. I am going to, but that doesn't mean she will be a ballerina. She may hate it with a passion and want to play soccer with her brothers, or hockey. If she does, I will take her out of ballet and get her some cleets. I love long hair, but if she likes short hair... she will have short hair.

And if she is gay, I will love her regardless and feel lucky to have her as my dd... just as I would feel the same for any of my sons.  They are my children, but they don't owe me an "idea" of what I dreamed of them. I just want them to grow up healthy, kind, and successful in whatever goals they have for themselves. (this is hard trust me..... )

and I know I will be disappointed in some choices they make... but that is parenting. It isn't all rosey and sunshine.

Gender identity issues are quite rare. Personally, I would love to have a gay son - it would be just like having another daughter. :) I also would have no issues if my daughter were a lesbian. They are who they are. I don't think your GD has anything to do with their sexuality or gender orientation as adults.

So what will your husband do if Zac IS gay? Cut him off?
Decide he doesn't love him because of his sexuality?!

Your son could be gay and still be into sport and all that other 'boy' stuff.

He could be into sport AND into theatre or dance. And be straight. or be gay!

Sexuality really has no bearing on what interests a person has.

dream:

I wanted to raise a female child. The type of female child she is, comes with the territory of raising any of my children. They will be what they will be. We all have expectations for all our children. It is the norm. Be it boys or girls we have ideas of how we think it is going to be. And most likely (since they are their own persons)it won't be exactly how we thought it would be.

I really wanted to put my dd into ballet. I am going to, but that doesn't mean she will be a ballerina. She may hate it with a passion and want to play soccer with her brothers, or hockey. If she does, I will take her out of ballet and get her some cleets. I love long hair, but if she likes short hair... she will have short hair.

And if she is gay, I will love her regardless and feel lucky to have her as my dd... just as I would feel the same for any of my sons.  They are my children, but they don't owe me an "idea" of what I dreamed of them. I just want them to grow up healthy, kind, and successful in whatever goals they have for themselves. (this is hard trust me..... )

and I know I will be disappointed in some choices they make... but that is parenting. It isn't all rosey and sunshine.

That was really well said. I will never have a DD  but if I did this is how I would be as this is how I am with my sons.

roebuck:

So what will your husband do if Zac IS gay? Cut him off?
Decide he doesn't love him because of his sexuality?!

Your son could be gay and still be into sport and all that other 'boy' stuff.

He could be into sport AND into theatre or dance. And be straight. or be gay!

Sexuality really has no bearing on what interests a person has.

I really don't believe my DH would cut him off... he's a very loving dad. But I KNOW it would just kill him to have a gay son!! He's a really anti-gay person and I don't think those feelings would change so I am sure he would be crushed but eventually would find a way in his heart to accept the facts.

Regarding the interests I beg to differ... I was part of a theater company myself for 4 years (still perform eventually) and I've never seen so many gay people together. I am not saying that ALL of them are, but I think because they are normally more emotional and connected with their feelings they tend to choose those type of activities instead of violent boyish sports. Again it doesn't apply to everybody but if you know anybody in performing arts they will tell you there's a great connection. BUT if my son shows interest in music, dance or theater you can bet I will support him 100% as I love those things myself.

I think sexuality has SOME bearing on a person's interest, but I also think society plays a huge role. In other words, little boys are taught not to like pink or dolls or ballet; if they do, they are chastized. Gay men may frock to the arts because it is acceptable for a gay  man to dance ballet, whereas it's not acceptable for a straight man to do the same (I know there are exceptions, but our Western society still prefers masculine men).

For centuries, women were taught they weren't as good or as smart as men; girl were not supposed to be good at sports or math or science. When those stigmas were lifted, girls soared - many girls now excel at school, and it's cool for a girl to be athletic. More girls go into engineering programs or IT/computer related fields.

Once those stigmas are lifted off boys, I think we'll see more "feminine" boys who are straight. After all, sexuality is only a fraction of who we are. My dh is not a typical guys' guy; he's not feminine, but he doesn't love sports and never had a strong drive to have a son. He's fine with a son, but he would have been fine with another dd too.

run_girl_la:

I think sexuality has SOME bearing on a person's interest, but I also think society plays a huge role. In other words, little boys are taught not to like pink or dolls or ballet; if they do, they are chastized. Gay men may frock to the arts because it is acceptable for a gay  man to dance ballet, whereas it's not acceptable for a straight man to do the same (I know there are exceptions, but our Western society still prefers masculine men).

For centuries, women were taught they weren't as good or as smart as men; girl were not supposed to be good at sports or math or science. When those stigmas were lifted, girls soared - many girls now excel at school, and it's cool for a girl to be athletic. More girls go into engineering programs or IT/computer related fields.

Once those stigmas are lifted off boys, I think we'll see more "feminine" boys who are straight. After all, sexuality is only a fraction of who we are. My dh is not a typical guys' guy; he's not feminine, but he doesn't love sports and never had a strong drive to have a son. He's fine with a son, but he would have been fine with another dd too.

Well said run_girl_la!! Even though I think it will take a LONG time for those stigmas to be lifted off boys, I would love to see that. And I will do my part supporting my boy in whatever he wants to do

For instance, gender identity disorders(or homosexuality for that matter) are extremely rare. And "Girliness"?  I think girls are born with some, and the rest are made. It's up to you to bond with the girl regardless of the girliness.

And if it helps, my parents never wanted raise me as a daughter. Come to think of it, they might have some GD. They had this name "Jean" when I was conceived (which is gender neutral in Korean- but they prepared for a boy. They intended to name Gia if it was a girl). Mom dressed me in dresses though. My father, often called me"my offspring" rather than my DD.(he always called my little sis "my daughter") In 5th grade or so he bought me DIY electronic device kits along with my own soldering iron.(And I loved them too.). My sis had private art lessons, but not me...they were afraid I might become too "girly". Now I know bcs they were against my enrolling my DD to ballet classes, saying "you are raising her too girly"

I soon learned to love medicine, but it was not then my decision to go to med school. I was truely a daddy's girl when dad guilt-tripped me into going. He merely said "If you were a boy you would love to go to med school if I asked you to".

Well...I still had no gender identity issues, and never felt anything romantic about another woman. An what's more, I am glad they raised me like this. I am personally happy to be a "not-so-girly" girl. It has just become personal preference, not a matter of being right and wrong.

 First of all, great responses!! Second, I hope I didn't mean to come off as offensive or having an issue with homosexuality. I believe that all people straight or gay can achieve anything they want to in any field they want to. I don't feel as though preferring one sex to another alters what those people are naturally drawn to. I have 2 mother in laws (they are lesbians) who are 2 very different people, and I also have a gay brother, who currently holds a "masculine" job. Some people you can't even tell when they are gay, because they are just normal people with a different preference than most of us. I'm totally comfortable with that. What I was trying to get at is something even as simple as a girl being a tomboy. Will it be difficult for me? I don't think so, but I can't say that I won't be a little disapointed. She will be my daughter and I will love her unconditionally no matter what, that will never change. I wish that stigmas were lifted completely, all of them for anyone. My boys just happen to LOVE Dora, My Little Pony, and Strawberry Shortcake. I don't keep them from watching it either, but I do get frustrated with not being able to find boy oriented things with those characters. I have searched far and wide for Dora backpacks, childrens furniture, lunchbags, you name it in something other than purple or pink. It's just not made for boys. And buying a horse figurine for them is not the same as My Little Pony. I know all of my DD's things will be well played with, if not by her, by the boys! 

I have no expectations for my DD to be one way or another, I wanted a DD so we can experience raising a girl and mostly for my DH, he wanted a girl and I wanted to give him that.  The only thing I would hope is that DH and DD would have a wonderful relationship where DD looks up to her daddy and adores him but honestly I want my boys to be close to their daddy too, I melted when my DS told his prek teacher that he wanted to be just like his daddy, I was a proud mama.  If DD likes cars and trucks thats fine with me, she doesnt have to like dolls and dress up.