Do you ever feel as though people who got the gender they wanted don't

"get" your GD even though they might have had it themselves if they hadn't gotten their gender of choice? Doesn't it seem as though that happens a lot in life -- people who have always had a  relationship don't get why single people are lonely, to think of one example.  Do you think this applies to GD as well?

just wanted to reply to this and say, no - I totally get it. In fact, even before I was pregnant I used to read these boards to prepare myself. i have always known that I wanted a boy. always. the thought of having a girl, well, it was just awful. I'm not girly, I don't have "girl" friends, do girly things (hate shopping, always hated dolls when growing up etc), I play a lot of sports - with men's teams, i have never worn dresses, skirts, make up, don't wear any jewelry, don't do my hair etc. I didn't want a girl, especially the thought of one who may be a real girl - i just generally was really scared of having what i thought could be a "proper girl". I didn't know how i'd relate to her and wouldn't have been able to bring myself to dress her like girl or get her "girl" stuff, like makeup as she grew up, dresses, bows, people would buy pink etc. the thought was just so awful that even before i got pregnant i thought I should prepare myself. (obvioulsy people kept saying - well she might be like you - but i didn't want that either). so i would read these boards and felt hugely for all the ladies (and men) on here.

on the way to ultrasound to find out i was the most nervous i've ever been. being told he was a boy was, well, the best thing in the world. he is now nearly a year and in answer to your post i STILL think about what would i have done if he was a girl. I just don't know. I totally understand that fear still, and i know how lucky i am to have got what i wanted. I still read these boards and feel for people who don't get what they want as i can still feel that feeling of wanting a certain gender.

 the only thing that's changed for me now is that i'm still not sure if i want any more children but i know that if i have another although i'll still desperately want another boy, i won't be as devastated if it's a girl as I feel i've been lucky and that i have "my" boy. this is part of the reason that i'm not sure about having other children because if it was a girl, i'm not sure I'd be able to treat her the same as my boy (reading the posts on here it seems i would but in myself i don't know).

I get GD,I know how it feels and I know how devastating it is. I had 3 boys and then a girl so technically GD should be a thing of the past.

It is on some levels,but I still have guilt and doubts and lots of regrets about the dark,sad feelings I had when I was expecting a third son. they dont dissapear. In my case having a dd just highlighted the differences between that pregnancy/birth and his. It made it hard to enjoy her birth and other peoples reactions to a girl after 3 boys made it all worse. once again I felt like I needed to protect him more,from everybody.

I still remember exactly how I felt after the 19 wk u/s when I came home with my boy picture. I only started to get over it when he was in my arms and then it was slow and uphill all the way. Having her has not erased those memories and even though I love him dearly now I continue to feel guilty about it all.

I think anyone who has ever had GD will always suffer from some of the after affects weither they get their desired gender or not. It might just be big gaps in the photo albums or a baby book not lovingly filled in regulaly. I remember insisting my mother didnt knit one of her special blue blankets again because I already had two. I feel terrible he never had one now.

silly things I know because I wouldnt swap him for anything,but he did bring GD into my life and she didnt make it all vanish.

I really think there is a sliding scale with how much people "get" GD and/or how obnoxious and judgemental they are of people who do.

WORST OFFENDERS:
----------------------------------

People who get what they want every single damn time and are clueless about the odds being 50:50.  We've all met them at one point or another.  The first time mom who just "knows" her baby is a girl....and its a GIRL!  Or the one who plans out her dream family BGBG and seems to get it...effortlessly. These are the women who will come up to someone with 3 boys and say with their bimbo faces "why do you have so many boys? Don't you WANT a girl?"  As if gender selection were as simple as flipping through a Sears catalogue.  They honestly don't "get" GD b/c its never even occurred to them that some people do not get what they want the first time. 

SECOND WORST OFFENDERS:
-----------------------------------------------

The women who may have had some GD with a first child, but then get what they wanted with the second child.  These are the women who whine and moan the whole pg that they are so fearful that their longed for girl will suddenly grow a penis....but of course she never does and once the beloved bundle of pink is safely in her mother's arms, its as if the Dr. performs a labotomy and this woman can't  even remember having GD.  Inside, she knows darn well how obsessed she was while pregnant, but will now come at you with platitudes to soothe her guilty conscience:  "oh, I never had a gender preference....as long as the baby was healthy. Health is all that matters" blah blah blah....

WOMEN WHO GET GD:
-----------------------------------

The women who have had to experience disappointment after disappointment after disappointment.  They have lived with GD every day for several years, even decades.  Its left a raw wound in their soul. Once these women get their desired gender, its like a soothing, healing balm is smothered all over them....the stabbing pain is now gone...but the SCARS (guilt, remorse) remain as a constant reminder of their suffering. They understand GD because they have lived it and offer support for those still battling it. These are the women who will never judge someone elses GD because they can never forget.

MyDreamBabi:

WORST OFFENDERS:
----------------------------------

People who get what they want every single damn time and are clueless about the odds being 50:50.  We've all met them at one point or another.  The first time mom who just "knows" her baby is a girl....and its a GIRL!  Or the one who plans out her dream family BGBG and seems to get it...effortlessly. These are the women who will come up to someone with 3 boys and say with their bimbo faces "why do you have so many boys? Don't you WANT a girl?"  As if gender selection were as simple as flipping through a Sears catalogue.  They honestly don't "get" GD b/c its never even occurred to them that some people do not get what they want the first time. 

SECOND WORST OFFENDERS:
-----------------------------------------------

The women who may have had some GD with a first child, but then get what they wanted with the second child.  These are the women who whine and moan the whole pg that they are so fearful that their longed for girl will suddenly grow a penis....but of course she never does and once the beloved bundle of pink is safely in her mother's arms, its as if the Dr. performs a labotomy and this woman can't  even remember having GD.  Inside, she knows darn well how obsessed she was while pregnant, but will now come at you with platitudes to soothe her guilty conscience:  "oh, I never had a gender preference....as long as the baby was healthy. Health is all that matters" blah blah blah....

This perfectly describes quite a few ladies I know.....

MyDreamBabi:

I really think there is a sliding scale with how much people "get" GD and/or how obnoxious and judgemental they are of people who do.

WORST OFFENDERS:
----------------------------------

People who get what they want every single damn time and are clueless about the odds being 50:50.  We've all met them at one point or another.  The first time mom who just "knows" her baby is a girl....and its a GIRL!  Or the one who plans out her dream family BGBG and seems to get it...effortlessly. These are the women who will come up to someone with 3 boys and say with their bimbo faces "why do you have so many boys? Don't you WANT a girl?"  As if gender selection were as simple as flipping through a Sears catalogue.  They honestly don't "get" GD b/c its never even occurred to them that some people do not get what they want the first time. 

SECOND WORST OFFENDERS:
-----------------------------------------------

The women who may have had some GD with a first child, but then get what they wanted with the second child.  These are the women who whine and moan the whole pg that they are so fearful that their longed for girl will suddenly grow a penis....but of course she never does and once the beloved bundle of pink is safely in her mother's arms, its as if the Dr. performs a labotomy and this woman can't  even remember having GD.  Inside, she knows darn well how obsessed she was while pregnant, but will now come at you with platitudes to soothe her guilty conscience:  "oh, I never had a gender preference....as long as the baby was healthy. Health is all that matters" blah blah blah....

WOMEN WHO GET GD:
-----------------------------------

The women who have had to experience disappointment after disappointment after disappointment.  They have lived with GD every day for several years, even decades.  Its left a raw wound in their soul. Once these women get their desired gender, its like a soothing, healing balm is smothered all over them....the stabbing pain is now gone...but the SCARS (guilt, remorse) remain as a constant reminder of their suffering. They understand GD because they have lived it and offer support for those still battling it. These are the women who will never judge someone elses GD because they can never forget.

Totally agree!  I get the "just be glad it's healthy all the time" and I want to kick the person who says it!  No one that I know of has ever come up to me and said, "Oh, 4 boys, aren't you so lucky" or "I wish I had your family"  They all just feel sorry for me...

mkg:

Totally agree!  I get the "just be glad it's healthy all the time" and I want to kick the person who says it!  No one that I know of has ever come up to me and said, "Oh, 4 boys, aren't you so lucky" or "I wish I had your family"  They all just feel sorry for me...

...If this baby is another boy, I highly doubt anyone will be coming up to me saying, "Oh,3 boys how lucky you are" either :) Like you they'll just feel sorry for me and I don't need their pity....I'd  much rather just slap them and go on with my day 

I totally agree with the scale, especially the second offenders, I know someone who did just that, and it was so frustrating!!!

MyDreamBabi:

WORST OFFENDERS:
----------------------------------

People who get what they want every single damn time and are clueless about the odds being 50:50.  We've all met them at one point or another.  The first time mom who just "knows" her baby is a girl....and its a GIRL!  Or the one who plans out her dream family BGBG and seems to get it...effortlessly. These are the women who will come up to someone with 3 boys and say with their bimbo faces "why do you have so many boys? Don't you WANT a girl?"  As if gender selection were as simple as flipping through a Sears catalogue.  They honestly don't "get" GD b/c its never even occurred to them that some people do not get what they want the first time. 

SECOND WORST OFFENDERS:
-----------------------------------------------

The women who may have had some GD with a first child, but then get what they wanted with the second child.  These are the women who whine and moan the whole pg that they are so fearful that their longed for girl will suddenly grow a penis....but of course she never does and once the beloved bundle of pink is safely in her mother's arms, its as if the Dr. performs a labotomy and this woman can't  even remember having GD.  Inside, she knows darn well how obsessed she was while pregnant, but will now come at you with platitudes to soothe her guilty conscience:  "oh, I never had a gender preference....as long as the baby was healthy. Health is all that matters" blah blah blah....

WOMEN WHO GET GD:
-----------------------------------

The women who have had to experience disappointment after disappointment after disappointment.  They have lived with GD every day for several years, even decades.  Its left a raw wound in their soul. Once these women get their desired gender, its like a soothing, healing balm is smothered all over them....the stabbing pain is now gone...but the SCARS (guilt, remorse) remain as a constant reminder of their suffering. They understand GD because they have lived it and offer support for those still battling it. These are the women who will never judge someone elses GD because they can never forget.

Totally agree!!!  I have three boys and when people ask me what I'm having and I tell them a boy.... they definately feel sorry for me & make some stupid or try to sympathize comment.  I've thought maybe I won't tell strangers when they ask but I'm always interested to hear what they will say; and I'd rather not hear, "Oh, I hope its a girl!!"  "Oh, I bet you're hoping its a girl."  I just let it roll off.  Nobody has lived my life & I can't expect them to understand how I feel. 

I am excited about Benjamin's arrival.... just still sad for the girl that I won't be having. 

I dont know - but I would like to twist this and say that I dont think people with GD get

how life really is with the desired gender

Cause I really think that if someone could try out the life with their desired gender child

for a while they would notice that it is not that different in the bigger scheme of things ;-)

then maybe I could add another category to MBD:s list:

Women who suffered GD and moved on

"These are women who went through all the stages of GD (denial, devestation, sadness

and depression) but eventually worked their

way back to status quo simply cause they had to. They could not keep having babies

with adoption or high-tech, they realized that this was it and that it was time to move on.

They can still understand that GD exist but b/c they were able to move on, they keep

insisting that others can do that as well, and they offer their best advice in doing so" 

Portia West:

I dont know - but I would like to twist this and say that I dont think people with GD get

how life really is with the desired gender

Cause I really think that if someone could try out the life with their desired gender child

for a while they would notice that it is not that different in the bigger scheme of things ;-)

then maybe I could add another category to MBD:s list:

Women who suffered GD and moved on

"These are women who went through all the stages of GD (denial, devestation, sadness

and depression) but eventually worked their

way back to status quo simply cause they had to. They could not keep having babies

with adoption or high-tech, they realized that this was it and that it was time to move on.

They can still understand that GD exist but b/c they were able to move on, they keep

insisting that others can do that as well, and they offer their best advice in doing so" 

Love it!!!

MyDreamBabi:

I really think there is a sliding scale with how much people "get" GD and/or how obnoxious and judgemental they are of people who do.

WORST OFFENDERS:
----------------------------------

People who get what they want every single damn time and are clueless about the odds being 50:50.  We've all met them at one point or another.  The first time mom who just "knows" her baby is a girl....and its a GIRL!  Or the one who plans out her dream family BGBG and seems to get it...effortlessly. These are the women who will come up to someone with 3 boys and say with their bimbo faces "why do you have so many boys? Don't you WANT a girl?"  As if gender selection were as simple as flipping through a Sears catalogue.  They honestly don't "get" GD b/c its never even occurred to them that some people do not get what they want the first time. 

SECOND WORST OFFENDERS:
-----------------------------------------------

The women who may have had some GD with a first child, but then get what they wanted with the second child.  These are the women who whine and moan the whole pg that they are so fearful that their longed for girl will suddenly grow a penis....but of course she never does and once the beloved bundle of pink is safely in her mother's arms, its as if the Dr. performs a labotomy and this woman can't  even remember having GD.  Inside, she knows darn well how obsessed she was while pregnant, but will now come at you with platitudes to soothe her guilty conscience:  "oh, I never had a gender preference....as long as the baby was healthy. Health is all that matters" blah blah blah....

WOMEN WHO GET GD:
-----------------------------------

The women who have had to experience disappointment after disappointment after disappointment.  They have lived with GD every day for several years, even decades.  Its left a raw wound in their soul. Once these women get their desired gender, its like a soothing, healing balm is smothered all over them....the stabbing pain is now gone...but the SCARS (guilt, remorse) remain as a constant reminder of their suffering. They understand GD because they have lived it and offer support for those still battling it. These are the women who will never judge someone elses GD because they can never forget.

Couldn't agree with this more!! I have a few more I could add that irk me but I don't wanna start a war on IG ;)

 ITA with MKG.

Well I tend to agree with the sliding scale but then it would put me in the second offenders category and I don't think I would fall there. My GD was severe with my son (I had PD on top of a traumatic/horrific birth). I ony had 4 weeks to consider the gender of my second baby as she came at 24 weeks. I still rememer how miserable I felt with my first child and while I realise there are women who have had 2 or 3 (or more) of the same gender who have repeatedly suffered disappointment, when someone tells me she is sad she is having a specific gender I totally understand. In fact, I work in research and am considering a proposal looking at GD as I think it is real and needs to be understood better. I really don't feel smug I have both genders at all and I never ever comment on other people's gender make up.

mog76:

on the way to ultrasound to find out i was the most nervous i've ever been. being told he was a boy was, well, the best thing in the world. he is now nearly a year and in answer to your post i STILL think about what would i have done if he was a girl. I just don't know. I totally understand that fear still, and i know how lucky i am to have got what i wanted. I still read these boards and feel for people who don't get what they want as i can still feel that feeling of wanting a certain gender.

 

This is exactly how I feel.