Should I try a fifth time?

hey hun

u know i could have wrote this myself after ds4.. i love him to death dont get me wrong but i was so hurt that the dream of a daughter was over.. like u she was all i thought about.

when ds4 was not long here i found this born, i gender swayed and hoped and prayed and feel pregnant first try when ds4 was just 4 months old.. with my girl.. the girl id longed for and i tell u its been amazine.

follow your heart hun, our dreams can come true.xxxx

I don't know what I would do in your situation.  I know when I was pregnant with #5 I would have been devestated with having a 5th boy...  But I got lucky (still can't figure out how or why!)...  That said my DH and I had already spoken about it and decided if #5 were another boy we would go high tech or adopt for #6, so I knew that was an option and I think that made it OK for me.

One side of me says don't do it if you're going to be devestated with another DS.

But the other, more emotional, side of me says you will live to regret not trying "just once more".  You'll always wonder "what if" - IYKWIM? 

And for that reason alone, I'd probably swing to the "go for it" side more than the "don't bother" side...  Truly though, only you can know the answer to this...

And I agree with the others.  Your DH needs to be more understanding of just how important this is to you.  So maybe you could work on him a bit - even my DH was reluctant at first with the thought of high tech of adoption.  Now high tech is not an option that we'd look into because I never, ever want to be pregnant again, but my DH is excited about adopting in the future after a few wobbles over the matter.

BeebsNBubbs:

Nope.  Not unless you could go high-tech.  The fact that you do not want a 5th son answers the question...

I agree

I think you already know that you shouldn't try for a 5th without going high tech.  If you tried naturally you would HAVE to go into the pregnancy with the idea that it is 50/50 boy and you already said you couldn't do that. So, no.

I hope you can talk to you husband about high tech and adoption. If you feel that strongly about having a daughter you deserve to at least have your voice heard. Put it to him this way, maybe write it down so he can read it and not "hear" it.

1. Don't get pregnan't again, don't go high tech = a wife and mother who always has an empty piece inside, who can never be fully present and feel genuine fulfillment in life because she will forever long for that missing child.

2. Try naturally = get pregnant with a boy, fall in to a deep depression for a long time and become unable to really be present or care for your existing children.  Always long for that missing child and resent the child #5 (and the husband that stood in the way) that could have been that daughter.

3. Go high tech or adopt, shift your beliefs if that is relevant, spend the $$$ money = a bright, happy, loving, fulfilled and emotionally complete wife and mother to your five children.

Life is TOOOO short not to try and get what you want out of life.  Having a chance at a daughter isn't too much to ask in one lifetime and if someone stands in your way there are always other avenues.  You need to do what is right for you.

 

 

Aww ((hugs hugs))

Im sorry but im going to say I wouldnt try for another unless you know you will love the baby if it was indeed another boy

thing is if you fell pregnant do you think you would eventually be so happy about the baby anyway that if it was a boy despite a bit of disapointment and upset which lets face it isnt going to harm the baby enough women have done it enough times  you could love him just as much as your other boys?  if the awnser is yes then i would try again but if you really know in your heart that you couldnt possibly have another son then I would go high tech or consider adoption

xx

I remember how devasted you were when you had ds4 and I often think about you and wonder how you are doing because it was so hard for you. Remembering your devastation, I would hate to see you go through that again and honestly don't know if you could go through that again or if your marriage would be able to handle it. I'm going to have to agree with most of the pp and say unless you have a guarantee, I wouldn't do it if I were you. I just would hate to see you back in that dark place you were in that you struggled so hard to get out of and I am sure your family would hate to see you go through that again too. Good Luck with your decision!

This is kinda where I am right now.  My DH will not do adoption/high tech either for some of the same reasons.  We can naturally make beautiful, healthy babies, so he sees no need to have interference (and he is DEAD set against having anymore children).  I still long for a daughter daily.  I will not try for another baby unless I am ok with having another boy and actually, I am beginning to reach that point.  Mostly thanks to this site I have seen that my 4 boys are beautiful blessings and I need to focus on being happy with them and what I have and spend less time thinking about what is beyond my reach.  I know, it's a lot harder to do than to type.

I wish you the best of luck in your decision.  I wouldn't go for a 5th unless I was sure gender didn't matter. 

I am currently a mom of three wonderful, loving, kind, adorable little boys (6, 4 & 22 mo).  We are pregnant with DS#4.  I will be 20 weeks on Thursday.  He will be here late March/April 1.  I love my boys to death but my DH and I really wanted to have a DD.  In fact try #3 & 4 was for a our DD.  But the Lord has another plan for us.  I don't believe this plan means that I will never have my DD.  I have not given up hope yet. 

My DH is "done."  But he knows how badly I want my little princess.  Like your DH he is dead set against PGD... he is much more open to adoption.  I don't know that I couldn't change his mind about PGD but I am leaning more towards adoption.  I don't think I could go through the GD I have suffered through DS#3 & DS#4 again.  Would I love a DS#5?  Yes, but I would again be having another child with the goal of having a daughter.  I am still having good and bad days with my GD.  Its been 8 weeks since I found out.  I think I am doing okay because I know that my dream is not over... its just been put on hold!  I am excited about Benjamin's arrival.  I know he will be just as awesome as my three other sons... but I think his arrival for me also means that much more time has passed and I'm "that much closer" to seriously start thinking about how I want to handle fulfilling my dream of a daughter.. if that makes sense.  I do not want to wish away his infanthood... although I am not a big fan of the 0-12 month stage... I will take the time to enjoy him.  He will sleep with me everynight just like the others... and I will hold him and kiss on him every minute that I can!!

My advice to you is to pray long & hard... as you pray speak to Him and LISTEN to him even more.  I don't think that anyone here can truly give you advice on what to do.  You have to follow your heart & trust in God.  I wish you lots patience & strength as you and your DH work through this next phase in your life's journey!!!! 

Please keep us posted!!!!!!! 

 

 

If high-tech is out of the question, no I would not try again if I were you.

You already know you'd suffere SEVERE GD if you found out you were having boy #5..  and you aren't even pregnant.  Imagine hearing "it's a boy" at your ultrasound..

I don't mean this to sound negative, because I think you have a 50/50 shot at a girl.  But I think going for #5 for ONLY a girl isn't healthy for you.

I totally understand how you feel. I did NOT want a 5th son what so ever. I would ahve had a 5th child in a heart beat for a daughter but NO way would I have went through another pg for a son.

I had to use fertility drugs for my 3 middle boys so I was very shocked when I found out I was pg with #5. (I wanted to adopt a girl for #5 and had finally got dh on board) I was VERY upset the GD I had was so mind blowing (and I thought it was bad with #4!) I can't express to you how much hate and anger I felt. I was in such a dark place of despair and disappointment... I just hated everything and felt life so unfair to do this to me when dh was ready to adopt... she was in my grasp.... and then gone with finding out boy #5 was indeed a boy. I wished him dead.

I ADORE him... love him more than words can say. I NEVER wanted a 5th son.. ever. I looked at people with 5 boys with fear and sympathy. (and alittle like they were pathetic for keep trying to go for the girl I KNOW that is bad of me and of course had to eat some CROW for thinking that way) That boy is my "special" person. My soul buddy. My little heart and soul... My guy.. I can't even tell you how much of a SHOCK that this "boy!" let alone 5th boy, who robbed me of my adopted DD STOLE MY HEART. (and trust me, this gd was no little thing)

SO go for a 5th I think you have already made up your mind. KEEP in mind that YOU CAN HAVE A 5th son... and if you are willing to take that chance to have a dd, then go for it.  BUT remember YOU could be one of us... those who went beyond 3 boys,,, beyond 4... we aren't freaks or anything we are pretty cool... but having more than 4 in a row DOES happen to someone... and that someone COULD be you. That said.... there really aren't that many of us. Most people DO have mixed genders by the time they reach 5 kids. That is the majority... hence why us mom's of 5 or more of the same gender rock... not everyone can be the "cool kids" lol

I do not feel you should try for another unless your 100% sure that you'll love another boy just as much. I swayed for a girl this time and really want another girl so bad but in the end I just want a healthy BABY to hold and love. And i'll be just excited in the end if I have another little boy. I think it's awful when people ttc another child and expect that baby WILL BE what they wanted and then it's not and don't feel love for him her her. It's so sad. If you just want another baby but would like to try for a girl I think you should go with it. With out expectations. Good luck!

Hi..I just wanted to say, I totally understand what you're going thru. We have four boys and decided to try for #5, I did succeed but have lost two baby girls in the last year both in the second trimester. It's such a tough decision to make, but I say follow your heart and pray..God will guide you. I'm once again facing the same issue, I just wonder if I'd be lucky enough to get a girl a third time. I also have to give myself Heparin shots next time..wish I would've known that the last time.:( G/L to you!!

thanks for all the advice ladies.... needless to say I still am very conflicted.... maybe someday i will go high tech...

Unless you can find a way to go High Tech I would not suggest you try again.  You say you do not want boy number 5 and there would be a real chance of you getting boy number 5. 

I would have 10 kids if I had the space.  Not just to try for a girl as I would love 10 little boys just the same.  If I felt as strongly as you seem to I would stop now (or find a way to persuade my DH to go High Tech)

Good luck and I wish you peace.

samanthagrace:

I will take the time to enjoy him.  He will sleep with me everynight just like the others... and I will hold him and kiss on him every minute that I can!!

I just want to say that this is beautiful!