General 

What are the InGender forums about?
What do all these crazy abbreviations mean?
What are the rules here?
What about my privacy?
I have a question about gender selection.
How can I get help if I have a question or problem with the forum?

Registration, Logging In, and Your Username

Do I need to register?
I am having trouble logging in.
When should I logout?
How do I change my username after I register?

Your User Profile and Settings

What is my profile?
How do I make an avatar (a picture that goes with my username)?
How do I make a cute siggie?
Should I put personal information in my profile?
What are some other handy options in my profile?

Posting in the Forums

What are a posts and threads?
How do I make a post?
What is a locked thread?
Are there private forums?
Whoops, I didn't mean to say that! Can I edit or delete my post?

Private Messages and Email

What is a private message (PM)?
What are the rules about private messages?
What should I do if I receive a private message that is rude, harrassing, spam, or otherwise breaks the rules about posting on this site?
Why are private messages available only to users with a Gold Membership?
Can I email other members?

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What are the InGender forums about?

The InGender forums are a place to discuss gender selection (trying to choose whether your baby will be a boy or a girl), feelings of gender disappointment (when your baby is not the gender you'd hoped for), and to make friends with others who are interested in these subjects.

The mission at InGender is to be friendly and supportive. I encourage you join in the discussion!  Don't worry if you've never posted in a forum before, if you are not familiar with all the terms and abbreviations, or if you don't speak English well -- you are welcome here and we are willing to help newbies get started! You'll feel right at home before you know it.

What do all these crazy abbreviations mean?

Here's a list of abbreviations, and you might also find this glossary helpful.

What are the rules here?

There aren't many, but they are important!

Only supportive and friendly posts are permitted. No matter what!
Lively debate is welcome and enjoyed, but everyone must be respectful.  Any post which does not meet this standard will be swiftly removed without warning or apology.

Members of private forums do not discuss users who do not belong.
Some private forums exist here (such as gold forums). Members of those forums may not discuss people who don't belong -- no one is talking about you behind your back here.

If you are a member of the press, a researcher, or selling something:
We may be interested in your product, or willing to share our opinion in an interview. But you must contact Maureen before posting or contacting any member here.

No spam.
No posts promoting a product or service are permitted (including post signatures), unless specifically approved.  You may contact the site owner concerning advertising rates.

You may create one user account only.
Multiple user accounts are not permitted.  You are allowed to change your username once every 6 months.  If you have any kind of problem or issue with your current account, please contact maureen@in-gender.com. 

Private messages must abide by the same rules as public posts.
We will not tolerate users who send private messages that are harassing, rude, or offensive in any way.  Users who send private messages will lose the privilege of sending PM's.

What about my privacy?

I consider your privacy (and mine) of the utmost importance. 

• The only personal information I will ever request from you is your email address, which is necessary to register.  I will never share your email address with any other person.  I will never send you spam. 
  
  
• You should also take care to guard your privacy.  If you don't want people to know who you are, take care not use your real name or reveal other personal information in your posts or your profile, such as the city where you live.
  
  
• The forum system allows other members to send you a private message or an email. Neither of these options reveals your email address to the sender. You may choose not to receive private messages or email from other members.

I have a question about gender selection.

Please do not email your question to me (Maureen) personally; I simply cannot answer many questions this way. Please post your question in the forum! It is very likely your question will get answered right away.  I understand that you may feel shy, but just remember no one knows who you are anyway. If you do not want to post in the public forums, you have the option of buying a gold membership which allows you to post in private forums.

How can I get help if I have a question or problem with the forum?

First, read the rest of this FAQ for the answer to your question, and check the forum tips where I post helpful tips from time to time.  If you still need help, please post your issue in the Questions, Problems, & Suggestions forum.  This is the fastest way to get help!  Please don't fee l shy about asking for help, I want you to be able to use the forums. Make sure you describe your problem in the subject of your post (do not just say "Help" or "Problem").

(If you can't login or post, please email maureen@in-gender.com.)

Do I need to register?

You can read most forums here without registering, but you cannot post unless you register.  Other helpful functions are available for registered members, such as being able to track which posts you have read, searching the members directory, and more. 

Registration is just one quick step, and it is FREE.  

I am having trouble logging in.

Please double-check your username and password.  If you still can't login, click the "I forgot my password" link on the Login page, and you'll get an email with your username and a link to reset your password.  If you still can't login, please email maureen@in-gender.com.  Do not create a new account!

Note: If your login fails, it is either because your password is wrong or a technical problem.  I did not ban you because you inadvertently said something wrong.  Banning in this forum is extraordinarily rare.

When should I logout?

If you are using a shared computer: You should logout at the end of each session on Ingender.com; otherwise another person using your computer could come here and be logged in as you.

If you do not share your computer: You never need to logout if you don't want to.  (But you only show up as "online" here when you are actively using the site.)

How do I change my username?

You cannot change your username, but I can change it for you (please send a private message to Maureen).  Please try to choose a good username in the first place because I have to do this manually and it is confusing to people who know you.  However, if your username no longer fits, I will be glad to change it.

What is my profile?

Your profile is information about your user account. It includes settings to make using the forums more convenient for you, and it also allows you to provide personal information so that other members can get to know you better.  At the top of any forum page, click My Profile to access your profile.

How do I make an avatar (a picture that goes with my username)?

• Get an image to use for your avatar (more on this in a sec)
• Click My Profile, then click Avatar
• Click Browse and choose your avatar image on your computer
• Click Update

You may need to wait 10 or 15 minutes for your avatar image to show up with your posts.

Tips for getting an image to use for your avatar:

• It's fun to make a cartoon dolly avatar!  See eLouai's Candybar Doll Maker or Yahoo Avatars. After creating your avatar, look for a button to save it to your computer.
  
  
• Your avatar will be about 120 pixels wide.  Your avatar will be automatically resized for you,  but it will look better if you crop and scale it yourself before you upload it.  If you don't know how to crop or scale with a graphics program, don't worry about it because it will be done for you.  But if you do, you can improve your avatar.
  

How do I make a cute siggie?

Your signature (siggie) appears at the end of each post you make.  You can add little boy and girl icons to your siggie by typing these codes in your signature in your profile:

[XY] for boy, and [XX] for girl 

Should I put personal information in my profile?

Your profile includes options to provide information about yourself to help other members get to know you: a bio, an "about you" area where you can list your location, birthdate, web site, blog, and more.  You may complete any of these options you are comfortable with sharing publicly. If you don't want anyone to know who you are, then leave these blank.

What are some other handy options in my profile?

• Update your email address or change your password.
• Set your timezone so posts are displayed using your local time.
• Change the date format; this is useful if you're used to seeing day-month-year instead of the American way of month-day-year.
  
• Turn on or off display of avatars, siggies, and emoticons, if you're tired of seeing these.
  

What are posts and threads?

A post is just a message in the forum.  A thread is a post and all replies to the post.

How do I make a post?

• You must be logged in to make a post.
  
  
• Choose a forum to make a post in.  Choose the forum about the topic you want to post about.
  
  
• To start a new thread, click the Write a New Post button at the top of the forum. Or, reply to an existing post by clicking Reply on that post.  If you are asking a question, you should probably start a new thread, or your question might get missed.
  
  
• This is important: Write a good subject for your post!  Don't use a vague subject like "Question" or "Please read this" or "This is interesting". (Here is how to write a good subject.)
  
  
• Do not use all caps in your post.  ALL CAPS ARE HARD TO READ AND IT LOOKS LIKE YOU ARE SHOUTING.
  

What is a locked thread?

From time to time a thread is locked by an administrator.  This means that no further posts can be added to the thread. This usually happens if a discussion has taken a turn which may cause people's feelings to get hurt. If this happens to a thread you are participating in, please do not get upset or take it personally. Please just drop the issue and move on.

Are there private forums?

Yes, there are several private forums available on InGender which are not visible to the public. You may join the private "Gold" forums by purchasing a Gold Membership.

One of the rules on InGender is that in private forums, we do not discuss members who are outside those forums. 

Whoops, I didn't mean to say that! Can I edit or delete my post?

Yes. Just view your post and click Edit. If there are no replies to your post, you can delete it.

What is a private message (PM)?

A PM is a message sent from one member to another. A PM can be viewed only on InGender, and only by you and the person who sent the PM. The advantage of sending a PM is that it allows you to send messages without revealing the email address of either the sender or the recipient.  (A Gold Membership is required to send and receive PM's.)

To view your private messages, click Private Messages at the top of any forum page. To send a PM:

• Click Members to find a person, then click Private Message.
• Or, on any post by that person, click Contact, Send Private Message.

Important: When someone sends you a PM, you will receive an email from InGender to let you know that you have a new PM.  Your email address has not been revealed to the sender of the PM.

What are the rules about private messages?

The rules for private messages are the same as rules for forum posts: Messages must be respectful, and no spam is allowed. Users who send PMs which do not abide by these rules will have private message privileges revoked.

What should I do if I receive a private message that is rude, harrassing, spam, or otherwise breaks the rules about posting on this site?

First of all, please do not reply to a private message that is inappropriate.  This will only make you upset, waste your time, and escalate the issue.  Please don't give the sender of such a message your attention -- that's what they're looking for in the first place.

Just click the "Report Inappropriate Post" which appears at the top of each private message (just like on regular forum posts), and a forum leader will be alerted about the problem.

Why are private messages available only to users with a Gold Membership?

Due to the volume of private messages, sending and receiving PM's is limited to users with a Gold Membership.

This also protects our members from receiving unwanted private messages; while the vast majority of our members come to this site to find information and make friends, there are also a few who come here simply to harrass others, or to spam, and making private messages available to Gold members only prevents abuse of the private message system.

Can I email other members?

No, InGender does not provide member-to-member email.  To protect your privacy, please do NOT provide your email address to any other member here.