Going through IVF/PGD in hopes of my DD

I'll be 20 wks on Wed (today's Mon) but since both of my boys were born at 37 wks I've considered myself halfway at 18 1/2 wks. 

I'm excited to have this milestone reached but I feel like I've accomplished so little on preparing for her arrival. We have to clean out her soon to be room and sell all the furniture in there, paint the room, buy bedding, buy furniture (I did buy a new crib!), buy clothes, and the list goes on and on. This is the busiest time of the year so although this pregnancy seems to be going so quickly b/c our schedules are so jammed packed we can't find time to get baby things done.

I guess once Christmas is over we might our rears in gear and get the baby stuff together. Hopefully I'll have a little Christmas cash to help with the buying of all the girly things too!

I know I've said this time and time again but I just feel so blessed. I have waited for my little princess for so many  years and now she will be here in a matter of months. I just keep holding my breath  that all will go well b/c it feels so unreal!

So on Friday at 17 wks and 2days we had an appt where the dr. was actually able to find all 3 lines and tell us "It's a Girl". Now she knows we did PGD but she knows that we really wanted confirmation. She wrote "I am a girl" on some of the u/s pictures. I loved that!!

We went and told our parents...they were thrilled. Oh course my mom is the only person we have told about the PGD so she knew but she couldn't "Know" in real life until Friday!

It was SOOOO exciting to tell everyone it is a girl! I honestly fell way weirder than I ever thought I would. Even though we have spent almost $30000 on this it still doesn't feel totally real. I told DH that and he said it feels real everytime he pays the bill! lol. We had the money for the fresh cycle all saved up. That was the bulk of it. However, the $5000 for the FET we didn't have saved up so we are having to pay it off. No interest right now...yippi!!

So it was nice getting to see the baby moving around, those 3 lines!!!, and her little heartbeat. The boys were there too and they enjoyed seeing it. My 4 yr old said "I have a sister?" He was very happy. For some reason he really wanted it to be a sister.

My next appt is for the BiG u/s, the anatomy scan. It is right before Thanksgiving. It will be nice to really focus on the health of the baby and not be waiting to hear gender. Wow...that sounds terrible out loud but you know what I mean....

I have been feeling the baby move since about 15 1/2 wks. At first it felt like she was "rolling" around. Then a week or so later I felt more of the jabs...the ones that feel more like kicks. I feel her at least once a day. Normally at night after I am being very still in the bed. This morning I felt her moving around right after I had some apple cider. I guess it was a lot of sugar in her little body!

it's a girl! I am just dying. At first I was scared but now I'm so anxious! I just want to tell and get out all the girl stuff and get the pink fest started!!!

So thrilled!! MS is better & so is energy! Had to wear maternity jeans the past wk & 1/2. Not doing mat. shirts yet. Seems my babies are always low.

So, next dr. visit is in a little over 3 wks. If the dr tells me she thinks it looks like a girl on the u/s even though she KNOWS it is then we are going to shout it from the roof top!!!

YIPPI!!!! 

My original Dr's appt was for next Thurs but I had been dealing with some unpleasant irritation in an oh so sensitive spot so I got her to see me this week.

She prescribed me some cream for my "situation" and then we took a look at the baby. She said it is easier for her to find the heartbeat on the u/s so she normally just uses that. I was excited! My old OBGYN didn't have an u/s machine in her office so I never got surprise u/s. She would have to call me into another Dr to have the u/s done there. So anyway, my boys were there and saw my little girl moving around on the screen. She would ball/curl herself up and then bounce off the side of the sac. It looked crazy!!! I am still so amazed that she is practically doing flips in there & I don't feel a thing!

I'm now 13wks and she said everything looked "perfect". She also told me that she had Group B Strep w/ both of her pregnancies. That helped calm me down some about that whole situation. She took a sample from me to find out if the bladder infection is cleared up. She said that a b.i. will cause preterm labor so it is important that it is gone!

Oh....I am just so thrilled & thankful that God has blessed me with her! I still can't picture myself creating a pink nursery or buying girl things (in front of others....not just secretly stuffing them in the bottom of a cart or under boy's clothing in fear that someone might see me. I did get busted once but luckily I have a niece that was born in Feb. so I blamed the purchase on her! Just a few more weeks and I will officially declare I'm tickled pink....we're having a girl!!!

ta dah!!!! I'm officially 12 wks, 3 mo, out of the first trimester!!!! I've been waiting a long time to write this post!

I still sometimes don't believe I will have my DD in the Spring. I feel like I have waited a lifetime and I will finally get to meet her! I'm so excited & look forward to the 18wk mark when we can "Officially" find out we are having a girl & share that news!!!

Okay, so I feel as if I've been "Debbie Downer" lately and doing a bit of complaining. I just wanted to say that I don't want anyone to feel as if I am not completely grateful. I have said from the begining of my journey that I would do just about anything to get my daughter.

I think this is true for most of us on the HT board. I mean we are already saying we are going to go through shots, probes, traveling (in some cases), crotch rockets, and the worst part.....waiting when we sign up for HT!! Now, I would grow a third eye, wear a string bikini in the snow, not shower for a year, whatever it took HOWEVER I never said I wouldn't complain about it!! (ha!)

So, even though I thow a few "woe is me" things out there and complain from time to time I will say it is all totally worth it! I'm pregnant with my daughter and I will get to hold her in a matter of months. I am thankful that God breathed life into her and allowed that one special embryo to stick with me and grow. I'm in awe!

....I mean start! Good grief! My OB called me yesterday to let me know I had an abnormal lab. Holy Cow!!! I thought all they checked for was STDs and stuff like that....I was thinking what the crap???? It turns out I tested pos for Group B Strep & have a bladder infection b/c of it. Luckily, I have no symptoms of the bladder infection but I am on antibiotics. I, once again, looked online and apparently this lovely duo puts me at a "higher risk" for....a multitude of bad things. Urghhhhhh...... I have never tested pos for GBS so I am totally freaked out.

So, here I was googling GBS & UTI and getting all of this not so good info and DH came home (for only 15 mins) before he headed out of town for a few days for work. I showed him the websites and then went to the bathroom. Then I saw BLOOD when I wiped and in the toliet. I couldn't believe it. I was just kicked while I was down! DH had to get out the door so he left and I was left to go run and get my antibiotics. I knew that at the last u/s she had seen a little SCH so I was hoping that was all this was.

Luckily, I've no other bleeding after that. It was a small amt. but not what I needed to see yesterday! I just want an uneventful pregnancy. It seems like I've already had too much "stuff" going on and I'll just be 11 wks tomorrow!! To think I'm still not even a third of the way there!! Oh my!! I hope this is the last of the craziness. I just want to be normal!!

PS. I've been taking Zofran, too! It's helping somewhat....

So, I forgot to mention that at my U/S on Thurs that my Dr. didn't see my orginal two SCHs. She said they were probably absorbed. She did find a different tiny one though. She wasn't concerned and I haven't had any further bleeding so I'm not concerned either.

I am over morning sickness (for the most part). I now have afternoon/evening sickness. It has been like this for the past week almost. Around 3:30 or 4 I feel awful. I never know if I should eat or not. It never matters I throw up anyway. Ughhh. It is so nasty.

I just want to feel normal again!! I also can't make it through an entire day without napping. Sat. I went shopping with my mom and "missed" my nap and I was in the bed at 8:30. Ridiculous!!

So, for the most part I go around the house in gym shorts and tshirts (nice, I know). I wore some of my "bigger/fat" shorts this week when I actually went somewhere. But all of the sudden it was Sun and I just found out how huge I am now! At the Dr.'s I had gained only 1 lbs. but it seems like stuff is shifting around. My middle is definately getting larger. I was struggling to find something that didn't cut off my circulation for church. Also, since my boobs are getting bigger my shirts don't fit exactly right. Gripes. The in between "fat" stage is always the worst. I remember that from DS1 and DS2.

My house is slowing coming back to life. It was such a mess that it will take some time to get cleaned back up. DH is out of town for M-W so I'm scared! I am so sick in the afternoons and can't imagine doing it without his help. We have someone coming in from out of town in one week so I have to get things back to normal in the house!

I feel so overwhelmed. Yet, as I say that, if that is what it takes to get my little girl then I'll press onward!!

Yesterday was my 10 wk u/s. I got to see my little girl dancing around in there again. I can't believe how much movement is going on and I don't even feel it! The heartbeat was 150something which she said was right where it should be. I think I said before it gets the highest around 9 wks and then goes down and stays stable for the rest of the pregnancy. She measured 10wks and I was 10wks and 1 day so she has caught up some since she was about 3 days off for the first couple of u/s.

My OB said with so much movement and such a nice hb that she really thinks I'm "out of the risk of miscarriage". I couldn't believe me ears!! Although I won't feel as relaxed as I will when I am officially in the 2nd trimester.

I told my OB at the very begining that we did PGD for gender. I just wanted to be honest and if I could tell she was going to have a problem with it I would just get a new Dr. Anyway, so my OB is always saying things like "her heartbeat is great", "there's her little heart", "Did you see her hands?". It seems beyond weird for someone to call the baby a she or a her! I like it though because it makes it seem so real!!

So, I hate to beat a dead horse but I have to say again...life without crotch rockets is a better life to live!! I am so very happy that those things are no longer part of my nighttime routine. YIPPI!!!

My next appt is in 4wks. I think it is just a reg. appt. We aren't doing any early testing. I don't want to worry myself with things I can't change and have to consume my life with the chance of a false pos. or a false neg. I'm only 28 so my chances of any crazy problems are low. What will be will be. I know she's a girl. I will have to deal with the rest.

Last night was officially my last night of crotch rockets!!!! Those disgusting estro/progest suppositories were driving me crazy. I would have rather done the PIO shots and stopped the supps. They were bad to begin with but when I got my refill from a local pharmacy the supps were even worse. They would not stay in. It was alway a race to get from the sink after washing my hands to the bed. YUCK!!!!!

My morning sickness is still not great but a vast improvement. She had me double the meds and it seemed to help. I took the boys to Meet the Teacher yesterday in the morning and I thought I wasn't going to make it. I rarely leave the house now and NEVER in the early morning!! This was a bit scary.

So, I'm officially now 10 wks. I will go to the OB tomorrow for a "regular" appt. and update on that later.

Wow....honestly I still can't believe I'm here. I can't believe my daughter will be here in a matter of months. Thank you God!!!!

So, I went to the ER on Friday. I had some bleeding and my OBGYN's office was already closed. When I wiped after going "potty" I had seen blood. I wiped 2 other times and there was more blood. I didn't really have anything after that but the dr. still wanted me to go in. I was thankful that I didn't have any cramping like I had during the first bleeding scare.

Since this has happened before it made me even more nervous. I had bleeding with DS1 once and went on to have a beautiful baby. I didn't know what to think of having bleeding twice!

We finally got an U/S and saw a tiny baby girl with a heartbeat of 181! It was great. The tech had said that around 9 wks the heartbeat goes up to about 180 and then continues to decrease after that until it reaches about 140-150 and then remains around that for the rest of the pregnancy. Then she checked the heartbeat and there it was 181 perfectly what she had predicted! We also got to see her "dancing" in there. Her little arms were moving about and she was twisting back and forth! She's going to be a dancer!(ballerina hopefully, not exotic!!)

So, they found 2 subchronic hemorrages (I know, it isn't spelled right, don't feel like looking it up). My dr. called me today and said since I've had no further bleeding that she isn't worried about it. We will just keep an eye on them and as long as the baby's hb is good there's nothing to worry about at this time.

I will go to the OB on Thurs and hear the hb then. Not sure if it will be a detailed u/s or not but excited to get to check on her! 

Tomorrow is 10 wks and I am thrilled! Only 2 more weeks to go and I'm out of the scary 1st trimester!! YIPPI!!!!!

So, I'm still feeling absolutely terrible! My house continues to be in shambles b/c I simply don't have the energy to clean anything and all the boys do is mess it up. Plus, if I drop the ball on cleaning DH never seems to pick it up. He can tolerate a much bigger mess than me! I'm disgusted by the state of our house but don't have it in me to do anything about it.

I'm so tired & the other day I went about 24 hrs with only some crackers staying down. I got some stronger stuff from my doctor and it seemed to help a little today. DH is out of town so my mom volunteered to come over and make dinner and put the boys to sleep. I basically feel useless it is horrible!!

I think the worst thing is with DS1 I was on bedrest for a couple of months and felt completely fine. It was so frustrating to feel perfectly fine, never tired, and still have to lay in bed all day. Now, I feel like I NEED to lay in bed all day and yet am expected to take care of an almost 4 yr old and a 2 yr old. It just doesn't make sense!

Also, I was happy that I got myself out of the house and hosted a baby shower on Sun. It is the first girl shower I've ever hosted. I just haven't had it in me to do it for a girl. I only was able to do it this time b/c I know that I have my own little girl inside! I know how awful that sounds but honestly it is the truth!

So, I'm just ready to get over the nasty part of pregnancy and start feeling nice and buying lots of pink!

So, I had posted a while back about how mad I was about gaining weight. However 2 days before ET I did weigh at the gym to find that I had gone down to 134 but was mad that my gym card said that exactly one month before that particular weigh in I was 132!! But somewhere in the midst of those two weigh ins I was 137!

 Anyway, I went to my OBGYN when I had my bleeding scare and my "official" start of pregnancy weigh in there (at 7wks 1day) was 129.7 (I'm not rounding up!!). I think it is b/c I've been so stinkin sick.

With my first I started off at 125 and with my 2nd I started at 130. So I'm just about on schedule! I think I gained 28 w/my first and 24 with my 2nd. So it pretty much made me end up about the same at the end of my pregnancy!  We will see how this one goes!

Holy cow! I was on a huge rollercoster the past couple of days. On Wed I went to the bathroom (Warning TMI ahead:) and when I wiped I saw a bunch of pinkish/redish blood, my heart sank & I began to cry. I wiped again and there was a little more. I could barely stop crying. I called my DH and got it out to him & eventually calmed down enough to call my dr. I was on pins & needles.

I only saw a little bit of brown spotting after that for a couple of more times that I went to the bathroom but that was it. I went to the dr's office the following morning (Thurs) and got an U/S . Dh and I were so relieved when immediately saw a perfect little shrimp, perfect yolk sac, and a flashing heartbeat!!! I was soooo relieved!!! Sooooo thrilled!!! We were even able to hear it this time! It was 127.7 bpm. She was still measuring a little small but not enough to cause concern.

The Dr. said everything looked wonderful! She doesn't know why the bleeding happened but that it wasn't from the baby! Whew!

So I am now 7 weeks & 2 days. I am so happy that we got to see how much she has grown and were able to get some great u/s pics. The other 2 u/s were at Outpatient Imaging and they don't print pictures so DH took pictures on his cell phone and we went and printed them.

So, everything looks great and I'm hoping for many more good dr. visits! My next appt is scehduled for Sept 10! I'll be 10 wks then.

Yes, I was constantly telling my DH how weird it was to not "feel pregnant" which translates to "not hanging my head over the toliet & feeling miserable for most of the day!". DH kept saying just enjoy it...maybe it is b/c it is a girl so it is different. Then WHAM! Yesterday the Morning Sickness fairy came and I have felt like total crap. I am so sick and don't want to eat anything but I get so hungry so I eat something that makes me feel more sick.  It is a terrible cycle. My house is now a wreck b/c the few hours I am at home I'm either napping while the kids are napping or laying around trying my hardest not to puke.

Literally today I woke up and felt like I had an explosive hangover! Yesterday (day 1 of feeling like crap) I was secretly happy/relieved that I had my usual pregnancy symptoms but already at Day 2 I've had enough. I want to go back to the I'm pregnant but I can still function stage. I liked it so much better!

I'm also so excited yet scared beyond belief about my u/s on Sat. I'm so scared that I might not see a heartbeat but so hopeful that I will. If I do it will be so wonderful!! For many reasons but besides knowing that the miscarriage rate goes way down is the fact that I can stop PIO shots & take a bath (as long as it isn't over 100 degrees!). How fantastic! My legs would be thrilled..they haven't had a good shave since my transfer. I just can't shave my legs in the shower that well. I don't know why!

So, I'm going to sit here and try really hard to keep my dinner down. Ughhh...I hope this isn't like DS1 when Morning/all day sickness lasted 5 mo!!