Going through IVF/PGD in hopes of my DD

June 2009 - Posts

• Blah blah

  DH and I saw Away We Go and while it was wonderful I was constantly reminded that I SHOULD be pregnant right now, Due in Dec. I still feel as if I have had a miscarriage but I don't want to tell people b/c I never actually got a BFP BUT I did have a child conceived and she "faded away". Since DH and I had dinner & a movie with sans kiddos (it was for our anniversay--we aren't cool enough to just do it for fun, usually!) we were able to talk a lot about all this "baby stuff". How scared we are, how miserable this process is, how lucky we are to have the 2 boys we have. I told DH again, if I could do something to not want a girl anymore I would do it. It is just all taking a toll on me. I'm getting more and more scared about the International Adoption. Nervous that we will get a child that will never bond with us and we will have a lifetime of struggles just b/c I wanted a girl! We even talked about maybe doing another fresh cycle if this doesn't work. However, instead of constantly thinking of a back up plan I just want this to work. I have ALMOST convienced DH to even think about putting in 3 since it is a frozen cycle. I am a little scared though, I know someone with triplets and I could never do that! The thought of twins still frightens me but I think the chance of having 3 is just SO slim that it isn't a big deal. I am still deciding though. This waiting game is no fun! Posted Jun 28 2009, 02:08 PM by gsbabies with 1 comment(s)

• My DH said something wonderful!

  So over the weekend I was very emotional as it was my first Father's Day without my Dad. I talked to my DH about how scared I am about getting my hopes up (again!) and getting no baby. DH said "you shouldn't be so stressed this time b/c at least you know we are getting a girl regardless! Even if this doesn't work we will just start on the adoption." It made me melt. It was the first time I actually heard someone say aloud that I WAS going to get my little girl. It did calm my nerves. I still have the nerves but it calmed them at least! However, I know I will be sad if this doesn't work. I am going to have FAITH that it will though!! I feel like I'm so close to getting my little babies shot into my uterus and was relieved to finally start on my meds on Sun (Father's Day!). But I just looked at the calendar and it will still be about SIX whole weeks until I get BETA results so it seems like nearly a lifetime away! At least I get to poke myself & drive back and forth an hr each way to the Dr. to keep my busy!! Posted Jun 22 2009, 09:36 AM by gsbabies with no comments

• MY BABIES ARE HERE!!

  Yesterday when I was at my Dr. appt for my 1st u/s the lab came and told me my babies arrived! They made their trip from CA to TX and I am so thrilled to know they are in the same city as their family! Yesterday I also got my meds. It was so much less than a reg. cycle- cost & amt. of injections. Our Dr. has told us to expect to pay around $900 for the meds and we ended up only spending $350!!!! I was sooooo excited! It helped that I had some left over progesterone and I also counted every single left over needle and only ordered what I needed. I will start Lupron on Father's Day. I am happy to again have the prospect of a new baby this Father's Day as it is the 1st FD I will have without my dad. (he passed away in Feb during my 1st cycle). I hope that taking the Lupron and thinking of having a little girl will help keep me out of the dumps. Also I can hope that this will be our last Father's Day as a family of 4!! Posted Jun 20 2009, 08:42 AM by gsbabies with no comments

• AF has made her debute

  I got AF yesterday and I really think it was the happiest I have ever been to see AF. I had to take some meds just get her to visit since I've been a little stressed by all of this baby girl biz. Now AF has arrived and tomorrow I will start my BC! Yippi! I faxed an entire stack of papers to SIRM & The Fertility Institutes in order to release/transport my babies & forms for them to do the FET. AHH....now just if I could get some of those dang labs in! If I don't hear anything by Wed of next week I'm going to have to hunt them down! Getting my labs has been the 2nd (2WW of course was 1st) most annoying thing about this whole process. I sure hope this works. I'm already tired of dealing with paperwork and can't even imagine having to get all the papers ready for an adoption. Please......let this work!! Posted Jun 12 2009, 02:55 PM by gsbabies with no comments

• Est. transfer set

  I have an estimated date(s) for July 20-23. In some ways it feels so far away but in other ways it feels like it is all coming together so quickly. I have sent medical release after medical release form yet SIRM has gotten NO labs!! At least SIRM got me to send them to their office first and then they sent them on so they know that I have sent them. I had this same lab fiasco before. For some reason nobody wants to give up my lab information. I don't get it. So, I have called today...two of the four offices & got voice mails. I also called CA about getting my babies shipped and had to just leave a msg. and as of now (almost 5:30) I have no returned phone calls. CA has a little more time before they close but my goodness, I"m ready to get this show on the road! I have been taking these pills (tonight is the 5th and final one) to start my period. My period was due on Mother's Day and it refused to ever start. I think even my body wants to be pregnant so badly that it too was pretending it was pregnant. So, b/c of this I had to take some meds to get my period to start. The nurse said my period should start anywhere from a couple of days to a couple of weeks. I hope the stupid thing cooperates and starts sooner than later. I want to get out of baby limbo and know what the heck is going on!! Posted Jun 08 2009, 05:04 PM by gsbabies with no comments

• I'm in baby limbo

  At first I was convinced that an FET would definately not going to work but I kept having this little linger in the back of my mind..what if? Plus, what would I do with my little frozen girls if I didn't do the FET? Well, now the opposite has happened. Now I'm started to think this IS going to work. So, I'm not even getting a lot done on the adoption side b/c I keep thinking....what if this works then I've done all of this adoption stuff ($) for nothing. I'm very scared that I'm setting myself up for a huge dissapointment! At least I have a fantastic backup plan. I honestly just want to know either way. Either this works and I get to buy tiny little baby girl clothes & get a baby crib OR it isn't going to work and I get to start eating hotdogs 4 nights a week and we start planning our trip to Russia. I want out of the LIMBO!!! Posted Jun 06 2009, 09:11 PM by gsbabies with no comments

• So, we decided to....

  do one last FET and be done with high tech. If that doesn't work I'm off to Russia to get my little "Kate". This has been literally the hardest decision of my life. As long as the FET (with meds and all) ends up being less than $5000 then this is the route we will take. It should b/c the Dr. said their fee is $2500. Anyway, I was ready to adopt but I think my DH and I would have always wondered if the FET would have worked. Plus, we don't want to destroy our embryos. We want to give our boy embryos up for adoption but I just couldn't sit well with someone else having my girl and I still didn't have one! I was thrilled that my DH was so willing to do all of this. He honestly would be fine if we were just "done" right now or just got pregnant the fun way and got whatever. To go from that attitude to spending so much is a blessing. This was the best decision we could come up with that made us both happy. My DH said (what I was already thinkig) that we could even start doing the homestudy process while I was doing the FET. That showed his committment and I could only smile when he said it b/c I was debating saying it outloud myself. We should start the process fairly soon. He said the FET should take place around July 13th. This just happens to be the day before my Dad's b'day (he passed away in the midst of my March cycle). We will see. My mom isn't very excited about adopting from Russia but says it doesn't matter b/c this FET will work and we will have twins and I will be driven crazy by them. I think that is wishful thinking, I'd be lucky to get one! Posted Jun 01 2009, 07:33 AM by gsbabies with 1 comment(s)