I have tried to figure out in my mind what to even say.. My embie did not survive the thaw.. I got the call on Nov 13, 2008 I had just left the accupuncturist and I was feeling great.. Then I saw I had 3 missed calls and I just KNEW!!! I called the RE back and in his same tone that he used to tell me my betas went down on 1/28/08... and then again when we lost our babies heart beat at 9.5 weeks 6/08, and now that same damn tone, that"I should probably sound like I am sorry tone, but I have been doing this so damn long I see this every day" tone.. telling me my embie didn't make it. I don't blame him or anyone else hey that is how it worked out.. and I guess this was not the path I was supposed to travel, but I did and it led me around in circles.
I have really been thinking about adoption, but I can't shake this feeling I need to be Pregnant!!! I will be 40 in a few days, and I was supposed to have my baby girl by 1/21/09.. since we lost her.. I have been longing to be pregnant, and I just can't shake it.. yes we have a great chance to have another boy, but would that be so bad? I want a DD with all my heart and soul, and I have the strongest feeling that I will have her, that God will bless me with my long awaited for GIRL, but that being said I do have a little pang of doubt that my dream will never come to fruition, I love babies and my 5 sons are absolutley amazing, but I want a DAUGHTER!!! I want her so badly it hurts!!!
I am taking the time to say good bye to my high tech journey and to welcome my new journey... To trust in Gods plan.. and to know that I am where I was meant to be all along. I have faith that my dreams will come true, at some time in some way I will be blessed with my DD!